ltensail Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Is flirting always bad? Why do i always dislike this guy when he flirts with my girl? How can i not bring myself to hate him? Is there any way that can help me tolerate it? Question for girls: If your bf complains that you are flirted by a guy and your bf says he dislike him, how would u feel? Pleae help. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Let me put it this way - no one can stop the flirting except your girlfriend (or, alternatively, beating the shyt out of said guy with your bare fists, but of course that is barbaric and not the honourable, gentlemanly thing to do). The only way she will stop the flirting is to tell the guy straight, and for her to do that she needs to know that it bothers you. It's natural to let it bother you - if it didn't then you don't care for her. A sense of exclusivity is natural. So tell her that it bothers you, and that you would like her to tell the guy to stop it, at least when you're around. If she doesn't give a damn, then she doesn't deserve you. If she tells the guy off, then she's a keeper. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I think the more important question here is: Why are you with a girl who flirts with other guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 He did not specifically state that she flirts back, so we have to assume that she doesn't. I think a guy would pick up on his girl flirting with guys, much easier than the other way round, and the thread would been suitably different, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltensail Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 Yeah, you are right. It's the guy who is flirting the girl. The reason i put "question for girl" is because i'd asked my girl that i cant stand the fact that she was flirted so I just wanna know how would girls feel if their bfs also asked the same question. And i get this answer. "I'm not restricting myself just because for a guy i like. We're just very good friends. There's nothing between us. I can't help you if u want to think that way. I'm not doing anything about the flirting thingy." She also told me that she was speechless when she heard me saying that her good friend is flirting her. Then i realize one thing, girls are not aware that when they are flirted, they are being flirted. Is that true? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Originally posted by ltensail Is flirting always bad? Why do i always dislike this guy when he flirts with my girl? : No, and: Because he's encroaching on your turf. How can i not bring myself to hate him? Is there any way that can help me tolerate it? : Hate him? Does he know she's yours? Then i realize one thing, girls are not aware that when they are flirted, they are being flirted. Is that true? : It's definitely not true, they're quite aware of it, my guess is that your girlfriend would rather not tell you that she knows, because you seem to be a bit irrational with the whole flirting issue in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Well, women are extremely perceptive, but what often happens in a relationship, especially if you are happy, is that you subconsciously ignore attempts of others at flirting with you. If this is the case, then it's a very good sign, because she might genuinely have simply ignored the attention. It would mean When you've made her aware that it bother's you, she'll be more attuned to it, and if she cares about your feelings, she'll put a stop to it. I'd just tell her that it makes you insanely jealous, and that she's too wonderful to share with anyone, even for a flirt. The trick is to disguise the complaint as a compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltensail Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker : Hate him? Does he know she's yours? : It's definitely not true, they're quite aware of it, my guess is that your girlfriend would rather not tell you that she knows, because you seem to be a bit irrational with the whole flirting issue in general. Sure, he knows that she's mine. Irrational, u said? Could you help me point out where am i being unreasonable? As for papillon, i don't quite understand your first paragraph in your last post. Could you rephrase it in a simpler way? Thank you very much. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Ok, i'll try to put it simply (sorry about the last sentence of the 1st para, I accidentally chopped it off) If you are happy in a relationship, you tend to be impervious to come-ons from others. If you are unhappy in a relationship, you tend to be receptive to come-ons from others. In other words, if your girlfriend was truly unreceptive to the flirting, it's a good sign that she's happy in your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Originally posted by ltensail Sure, he knows that she's mine. : I think that's a problem. He shouldn't be flirting with someone else's girlfriend. Irrational, u said? Could you help me point out where am i being unreasonable? I misunderstood you, I didn't know the guy was basically trying to steal her out from under you. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 In other words, if your girlfriend was truly unreceptive to the flirting, it's a good sign that she's happy in your relationship As a woman I have to disagree. A little flirting is good for the self-esteem and it's nice to know that other men still find you sexy and attractive. Sometimes your husbands/boyfriends don't tell us enough that they think we're beautiful and sexy and it's good to know that we still have it Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Pocky: Just out of curiosity, do you mind if your man flirts with other women for an ego-boost? Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I think that most women know deep down inside when a man is flirting with them, but we try to be humble or perhaps are insecure and blow it off thinking "no no, he is just friendly." When a girl flirts with my boyfriend, I take it as a compliment. It reminds me that he is attractive and desirable. As long as he doesn't flirt back. If he were to reciprocate, that would hurt me and I wouldn't like it at all. Unfortunately it is impossible to know what flirting is definitively. I have perceived a little flirting on his end, but never enough to be sure, so I just let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 : Also curious, can you ever be told 'enough' ? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I don't mind. I don't "own" my husband. He can flirt. I've had boyfriends that I've watched dance with women on the dance floor in front of me. I don't mind it so much. I know it's innocent. There's a difference between innocent flirting and passionate flirting. If you can tell the difference you don't mind the innocent flirting anymore and that's the flirting that boosts self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Okay, fair enough. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 My boyfriend has many female friends, and we've had issues because they flirt with him and he, "doesn't notice it." Or, he'll flirt with them, and "didn't know what he was doing." When I say flirting, I mean any kind of touching that isn't a hug from a dear friend. Like... if you're sitting with a guy with long hair (which my bf has) and you run your hands through it and say, "Oh, how soft!" and continue doing it (which one of his friends made the mistake of doing in front of me), then that's what I would consider flirting. He'd be like, "Baby, she just likes my hair. It's long and pretty for a guy's." I'd be like, "Well, how would you feel if I let some guy play with MY hair?" He'd say, "Hmm... That would make me mad. But, it's different if a guy plays with your hair." me: "Is it?" Him: "Well... actually maybe not. I'm sorry, baby." I'm not saying that I haven't had guys flirt with me; when they do, I just change the subject, or ignore them. Sexual harassment not included in my statement. Anyway, so maybe Pocky is right. Some flirting is o.k. Like if it does not involve any kind of suggestive touching, I'm usually alright with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ltensail Posted August 12, 2004 Author Share Posted August 12, 2004 Originally posted by YellowLioness He'd be like, "Baby, she just likes my hair. It's long and pretty for a guy's." I'd be like, "Well, how would you feel if I let some guy play with MY hair?" He'd say, "Hmm... That would make me mad. But, it's different if a guy plays with your hair." me: "Is it?" Him: "Well... actually maybe not. I'm sorry, baby." MM...You may be very sure that your boyfriend will understand you and may restrain himself from any flirting. But for me, I'm sure my girlfriend will not. I've said in my one of my earlier posts that my girlfriend said, "We're (the flirt and her) just very good friends. I'm not going to restrict myself from talking to him for you." On the other hand, I think I'll take the concept that innocent flirting is a way to boost self-esteem in order to control myself. When some guy go for passionate flirting with my girl, I'll talk to my girl and also warn that guy. Will this be a good idea? By the way, thank alot guys. Link to post Share on other sites
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