Deeply Wounded

[changeofheart2000]

My husband an have have been separated for a few month. The entire reason for the separation was so that we may seek help (counsel) so we can reconcile our differences and get back together. My husband has been to two counseling session (alone) and has declared that he does not want us to get back together again, but wants to have me as a friend.

 

However, he still claims to love me.

 

Though I initiated this separation because of his selfishness and lack of emotion (emotionally unavailable). I feel hurt and abandoned....why?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "I feel hurt and abandoned....why?"

 

Because you are. The man you have been trying to work things out with has said he does not want to do that and chooses to part rather than patch things up. I don't understand why you decided to separate while you were in counselling when you needed to be together to work on the issues with strategies and knowledge picked up during those sessions. This makes it obvious problems had reached a very advanced stage.

 

At any rate, the greater number of marriage partners enter counselling at such critical stages of marital discord that most of these end up being divorce counselling sessions...to make the break up less stressful. Most people wait until the problems are so intense before they go to counselling that the therapy convinces one or both partners that remaining will be too much work or otherwise not what they want to do.

 

The hurt and abandonment you feel probably started well before the separation. You were probably there because your husband wasn't meeting emotional needs you have. He probably never did but you only realized it gradually. Part of the hurt is thinking about what might have been had your husband been the guy you thought he was. People are who they are...and you have learned.