Soraca Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Hello Everyone, Any advice would be much appreciated. I’ve been friends with a girl for 3 years now. On and off, we have been in contact with each other. Unfortunately for me, just before we were introduced, she started dating someone. Well, for three years, she was on and off with this guy and it finally ended badly for her about 9 months ago with him cheating on her. All the time, when we would speak, and she might have been in the off mode with her guy, we would talk and I expressed my feelings. She let me know that she does like me too but can’t act on it. Well, we got closer this past year after her break-up but she was still in her healing process so I backed off a bit. We hadn’t spoke in a while (several months) and so I just called her last week. We had a heart to heart and she let me know that she’s finally over the idiot but now she’s ready for a break and she doesn’t want a love life right now. She said all she ever did was have boyfriends since she was 18 and now she wants to take care of herself. She said this last relationship drained her. While we got closer, I did all that I could to show her what she means to me. I would to by her office to bring her little gifts (like her fav. food, cady apples). We would hang out and she would ask for a massage. We hung out on Valentines Day and we even danced in my apartment. I even got on the radio to make a song dedication to her. She mentioned that she misses me and that she knows how great I am and that she may be missing an opportunity that she’ll regret someday. However, she said she’s just not ready. So I have 2 questions. First, is this normal for her to want a break from love, even if she knows someone who she claims is awesome and would be great for her? Secondly, what do I do? Disappear and only come around if she reaches out to me or do I keep casual contact with her? I think if I disappear that may make her miss me more or it may make her forget about me. If I keep in touch, I think that may make it easier for her to come to me or it may make me seem too available. Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 If I were you, I'd keep things going the way they are now. Seems like you have a great friendship going. I wish I had a female friend who would like massages... Point is, if you get serious, will it really change things? If you really care for her, then just being there for her will be more than enough for you. Whatever you do, don't pressure her, or you'll push her away. And don't read too much into her behaviour. If it's meant to happen, it will. If it's not, it won't. Love does not keep a timetable, and if you try and mess with the clock you're gonna get chewed up in the gears. Link to post Share on other sites
bambi_4 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I know a lot of girls who need a break from the whole romance thing, especially if they have went from relationship to relationship. Its a very clever thing that she is doing but also very hard. When you constantly have someone to be with its hard to go with out. My best advice is to be there for her as a friend at the moment. Don't push anything between ye as she is not ready for that. If she does by chance meet someone else, dont despair, chances are it wont last. When the right time comes, in a month or so, ask her in a roundabout way does she fancy you. She says she knows what a nice person you are so you know that much. Its whether she seriously sees you as boyfriend material is the question. Stick with being a friend, she'll finally figure out your the one there for her through the rough times and except her for who she really is. The best relationships come from a strong friendship. Chin up!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soraca Posted August 10, 2004 Author Share Posted August 10, 2004 Thank you Papillon and Bambi...Your advice is much appreciated. One thing Bambi...she knows how I feel about her and she said she feels the same way. That is, she sees me as boyfriend material. So right now we are not regularly talking, since she's not ready and she knows how I feel about her. I'm just wondering if it's better at this point to disappear in an attempt to help her clear her head and miss me or keep infrequent casual contact to let her know that I'm there? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I'm just wondering if it's better at this point to disappear in an attempt to help her clear her head and miss me or keep infrequent casual contact to let her know that I'm there? Keep the contact. Having a friend abandon you sucks. Especially if that friend is doing so only because they want to make you miss them so much you start to feel the same way about them that they do about you. If you're her friend than be her friend and leave the deception for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
bambi_4 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I'd agree Pocky, to abandon her wouldn't help at all. Stay friends, show her your there as a friend first. That means sooo much to a girl. Otherwise your only looking out for yourself first. I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soraca Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 Thank you everyone for your advice!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bambi_4 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
ssslide Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Yes, dont abandon her. I just did and I regret it and probably will forever Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soraca Posted August 13, 2004 Author Share Posted August 13, 2004 Hi Everyone and thanks again! I sent her an email or actually an E-Card this week because of the advice of all of you. It seems unanimous that I shouldn't abadon her and after thinking it over, I agree. However, we are mutually not in regular contact right now because she knows how I feel about her and although she admits feelings are there in her part, as you all know, she's not ready for anything serious. I sent the E-Card. This is a copy... If there's trouble ahead, you know I've got your back! I just wanted to send this cute E-Card to you. I thought about our conversation from last week and I feel selfish. More than anything else, we're friends but I feel a little bad because you said you miss our friendship. I do too but it's not fair to you that this friendship is non-existent right now. I can handle anything EXCEPT not being there for you and letting you down. I've always accepted you for who you are and I accept what you're going through right now. So just remember that I'm always there for you!! She replied, thanking me and confirming that she knew this already. Anyway, this at least made me feel good and gave me peace that she knows I put her first and that we're friends first. She'e not even in my life right now and she's still the best thing in my life! Link to post Share on other sites
bambi_4 Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 thats so great Soraca, at least now you know you are doing your best for her at this point. I hope it all goes well. You seem like a good friend to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soraca Posted September 2, 2004 Author Share Posted September 2, 2004 Hello Everyone, Just an update on my situation, even though it's not much of an update. It's been almost a month since we last spoke when I sent her that E-Card. There's been no contact on either part and I expected that. I guess she's "taking her break" from relationships at this point as she said she would? I just miss her so much but I know if she really misses me and wants to be with me, she'll contact me. I just feel like if she does, it will be like she's settling for me. Like, she dated all these guys and since it didn't work out with any of them, she'll settle for me. This bothers me some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soraca Posted October 7, 2004 Author Share Posted October 7, 2004 Hey Everyone, Well, in the last month I have received 2 emails from her. One was a forwarded message about friendship and then a week later, she emailed me wanting to say hi and see how I was doing. The first email I simply forwarded back to her and the second, I replied short and sweet. Do think she is missing me or just playing games? Should I continue to let her feel my distance and wait for her to come to me? Thanks, Soraca Link to post Share on other sites
1236'';;l Posted October 8, 2004 Share Posted October 8, 2004 Dont be cold with her. She has to know that u care. She isn't playing games. For now let her make the first contact and u reply saying everything great ......etc. She has to see u in good humour and being independent. Dont talk about anything heavy unless its her problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Soraca Posted October 8, 2004 Author Share Posted October 8, 2004 Thanks 1236" My friends have been telling me basically what you did...to wait for her to come to me and let her know that I'm doing well, etc. I hope she starts to miss me more and more. I suppose if she really does like me (as she said she did), she'll come around when she's ready? Soraca Link to post Share on other sites
bambi_4 Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hope its all going well with u and that u are stayin strong. If she really does like u she will come round. U seem like a nice person and deserve someone nice. Link to post Share on other sites
sepsa Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Thanks Bambi... I appreciate your words...I'll keep updating if \ when there are any happenings. Soraca Link to post Share on other sites
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