Is this unforgivable?

[HopingforBest]

Okay, long story short my husband walked out on me and our 3 year old 2 months ago. I am 7 months pregnant. This is a planned pregnancy. He said he's been stressed and depressed and didn't know if he was ever coming back. We started marriage counseling but were recently told it is going no where due to husbands inability to communicate. He did in therapy say once or twice that he would like to keep his family together. However, he is doing absolutely nothing to make that happen.

 

We are living completely separate lives. He's been going out to the bars and concerts and hanging out with friends. I looked in his phone and saw that he's been texting one particular girl a lot. Late at night usually. I guess they go out to the bars together. There was nothing necessarily inappropriate in the texts but I think just texting her so much in general is a red flag. When I confronted him about it he said it was nothing and became very angry that I dared to go through his phone.

 

Anyway I guess my question is, Is all of this behavior something that should be considered unforgivable at this point? Because I'm starting to feel that way. Let me be clear, he is not even asking to be forgiven or to come back home or anything. I'm becoming very angry with the situation and don't know if I'm even capable of forgiving him if he ever does come to his senses. Would your advice be to work on opening my heart to forgive and understand? Or should I just try and move on already because too much damage has been done. I know ultimately its a personal choice no one can make for me. I'm just curious as to what others think.

[movingon12]

I'm so sorry your going through this. I'm 7 months pregnant myself and I can't imagine having to go through this on my own - let alone with the added stress of a separation.

 

I understand your hope to forgive, forget and move on with your lives together. I also understand that a soon-to-be father could flip out a bit, let the pressure get to him and make a stupid decision.

 

However, 2 months is a long time to still be making that stupid decision, and you said he's not even attempting to reconcile.

 

Personally, I can't see any way out of this. Even if he does ask to come back and can apologise enough and explain himself, what will happen next time he gets stressed and depressed? You and your children need a man who can be relied on when things get difficult, and he clearly isn't that man anymore. You can't spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells to avoid him getting stressed and leaving again.

 

I don't see how this can be resolved.

[TigerCub]

I can't imagine how you would be able to take him back and not resent him for all this.

 

He is overwhelmed with parenthood and responsibilities and so he's taking a break to go out and act like a single guy again.

He's pathetic and he can't man up and realize "Oh, I have a kid and one on the way, and I have a wife and I need to grow the **** up!!"

 

Don't sit there waiting for him to "decide" that he wants to come back.

 

I know its so much easier for someone that's not involved in the situation to say 'Get a divorce'. But honestly is this the kind of man you'd want to be married to? Your kid right now is young and may not feel it to the extent that you do, but when your kids grow up, do you really want them to have a father that abandons them whenever the mood strikes?

 

I'm so truly sorry that you are in this situation, I feel sad and very angry for you, but please don't sit there taking this crap and waiting for him to decide. Do what feels right for you and your kids and YOU DECIDE!.

 

He doesn't deserve you.

[HopingforBest]

Thanks you for your replies. It's good to see I'm not a heartless monster for feeling like he can go to hell at this point. What tiger cub was saying about the kids being so young right now is something I've come to see as a blessing. At least they're unaware and will adapt quickly. The baby won't even know any different. I guess it's a good thing he's doing this now. Someone also mentioned that if he did come back what's to stop him from running again when he feels stressed again? Also a good point. I guess I'd been in denial these past few months. This is not what I wanted for my children and I.

[Mr. Lucky]

I guess I'd been in denial these past few months. This is not what I wanted for my children and I.

 

You may also be in denial about this:

 

I looked in his phone and saw that he's been texting one particular girl a lot. Late at night usually. I guess they go out to the bars together. There was nothing necessarily inappropriate in the texts but I think just texting her so much in general is a red flag. When I confronted him about it he said it was nothing and became very angry that I dared to go through his phone.

Mix in late nights and alcohol and grown men and women don't usually hang put and hold hands. He has probably started a physical relationship with her, especially given his anger (guilt?) over your review of his phone.

 

As others have said, take the steps you need to take to protect yourself and your kids starting with an appointment with a lawyer. Keep posting to let us know how it goes...

 

Mr. Lucky