Big Day Tomorrow...I think.

[computerperson]

Hello everyone. I posted here about 2 months ago because my wife and I decided to separate and I guess I just needed to not feel alone. Well my wife and her children (from a prior marriage) are moving out tomorrow and I'll be getting the house on the market just a few weeks later. I was lucky enough to have this past weekend free as she went out of town and the girls went with their father. It was great up until Saturday night and I hit a wall and haven't been able to get over my down feelings.

 

First of all, let me clarify that a little by saying that I do not want to reconcile with her and I'm fairly certain she feels the same way. My family and friends feel as though she isn't over her prior marriage and the fact that she had a child so young and never had her early 20s to herself like most people need. They think she mistook gratitude for love when we got together because I helped her straighten up her life while we were dating. I still think back to some of the mistakes that I did make though, but none of them were major…I'm sure most first time husbands and new stepfathers make similar mistakes. A lot of my actions were just misunderstood…I was trying to take care of my new family but it left me unavailable for a while as I was getting a house ready for us and working on wedding plans.

 

I guess my problem right now is I just don't understand what happened and what's suppose to happen now. I know things happen for a reason and I'm sure that I will come out of this in a better place for myself…but that doesn't change the fact that I gave everything of myself for the last 2 years only to get crapped on. I know she's going through things and I don't blame her for things she cannot control, but I don't understand why I am the person paying the penalty?

 

A neighbor of mine is recently separated for his wife of 5 years who cheated on him. Somehow, he has already met a nice exchange college student from a Eastern European country (I don't remember which), but after hearing his situation and seeing other dating situations in the good ol' US of A, she asked the question "What is wrong with American women?". Evidently men in a lot of other countries are not as kind, caring, etc. as other countries. Now, I'm not saying that men aren't pigs (even the good ones have their bad moments) and I don't believe she was referring to the ones that go to bars and lie to women to get them into bed or that type. I'm talking about the ones who are "screened" by women and seen as decent guys so they choose to start dating them. I'm talking about those of us who are dating a female that he truly cares about.

 

Please don't take what I've said the wrong way, I have the utmost respect for the opposite sex. I know that they have the shorter end of the stick, for the most part…between make-up, 12-inch heels, clothes that require vast amount of lubricant to get into, their "time of the month", carrying babies, having to care for a family AND work, etc., etc., but where's the place for a guy who just wants to be with someone he cares about and do his best to take care of her. Not baby her, just take care of business so she has a little less to worry about.

 

From what I've been told, I'm in just about an ideal situation for myself…I'm 29, moderately attractive, in adequate shape (not too round), employed in a job that I do like and make good money at, no children (which I do want someday), once this house is sold my debt will consist of 5 years left on student loans at $140 a month and whatever cell phone, internet access, etc. I need. I'm getting a small break on the finances because I'm going to crash at my parents for the winter and find/buy/build (depending on what I want to do) a house in the spring next year.

 

I realize with everything I've said, most people out there are saying "what is this guy complaining about"…and you're probably right, I shouldn't be complaining. And I guess I'm not completely complaining, just speaking my mind, asking some rhetorical questions and seeing if anyone else has feelings like mine. I do feel better having written this already…I think I do have some decent points.

 

Does anyone know a nice late 20s, early 30s, moderately attractive girl in the Baltimore area without too much baggage? (we all have some baggage, just re-read my post and keep in mind that I'm quite certain I'm not too bad off) Anyway, just thought I'd ask.

 

Good luck to everyone out there…especially those of you going through the serious heartaches and those of you with children, please take care of them, I'm sure they need you now more than ever.

[Papillon]

What I've realised, is that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you analyse, not matter how many angles you look at it from, you will not come to grips with heartbreak like this. It's only after a lot of time has passed that you start getting a better perspective on things.

 

So things might not look rosy now, and the situation and the causes of eveything might be very confusing, and the water might be muddied a lot, but rest assured the day will come and you will look upon all this as just another speedbump on the highway of your life.

 

And you won't feel bitter anymore.

[computerperson]

Well I don't know if I'm heartbroken or not, I thought I had my partner, my wife. I guess that makes me heartbroken or at very least confused and lost. But the thing is, I don't want her to stay or anything like that. I want this over, I wish I never married her. I am thankful for our time together, just wish we hadn't married, if that makes sense.

 

All I know is that I'm helping her get a few things together for her to move out, and I feel almost like crying...or at least I should want to cry. I chose her to marry and I don't feel that the marriage got it's fair shake. Maybe that means I'm regretting it being over...I don't know.

 

Guess I might need a little more recovery time than I thought. It has only been 2 months but I don't know.

 

Anyway, I'll stop my bellyaching for the night...she'll be gone in about 15 hours. Then I can start my healing process....

 

Thanks for listening.