my_life_story Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 First timer here. Hopefully some good will get out of it. And hopefully my English won't be too hard to understand. Ok, so I'm 27 yo male and I've just finished my degree after a very hard year. During all that time, I'd put my eyes on this beautiful 25yo girl that was using the same lab as I was. We didn't know each other, and never made eye contact. I though she wasn't into me, and she was too shy to approach. Anyways, after graduation I moved to a city about 1-1.5 hour drive from the university, but came back to visit old friends who are still there in the beginning of this semester. In one of the parties, I saw her again, talked to her, and found out she was really into me for that whole year but she'd just started dating this guy. I swore not to give up, and indeed they broke up quickly and we started dating. She really swept me off my feet, and I'm a guy. I really felt something that emotionally hadn't experienced for a VERY long time, I'm talking years now. We just clicked really nice and natural. It just felt really right. We dated 4 times, never slept together because she didn't want to rush things up. The courses she's taking in this semester are so hard, that she was really stressed up about it. One thing led to the other, and she told me that she wants us to be friends, because even though I'm what "every girl is looking for in a man", it's really hard for her, and can't handle everything all together not to mention a start of a long-distance relationship. She added that the timing is just not right, and that she doesn't want to be "sort of" into the relationship. She wanted to be friends, and hoped I wouldn't get mad at her. I read that message and replied that I wasn't mad at all, just disappointed. And that I can't be friends with someone I have feelings for, and hopefully that when her life soothes a bit, she'll decide to talk to me. Now, it feels real bad that I can't be with her, mainly because of school, but THAT'S understandable to me. I don't know what I should be doing to have this girl as a girlfriend. I really got this hunch that she's the one, because of all the conversations we had (and we had lots of them) and the way we just clicked! Call me crazy, but I don't get THAT crazy over just a girl. I don't know whether to wait 2 months for the semester to over and then pop-up into her life again, actually leave it to fate and wait for her to reach out, or just move on ... I meet a lot of girls, and can move on very quickly, but I don't meet girls that I'm that excited about. Moreover, moving on might send the wrong message that I don't want her, even though I'm craving for her. I already wished her "best of luck" for the semester, and she told me she doesn't want to be more than friends, but 2 months is a very long time for a person to wait and even change his mind. I'm asking you kind people to write your wisdom as if you were in my shoes. What should I do if I REALLY want this girl as a long-distance girlfriend starting at the end of her semester? How should I approach her after all this time? Thank you very much! Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Ok, so... let me guess: you fell for her. I understood everything except the bit you can read here below: 2 months is a very long time for a person to wait and even change his mind. Anyway, I can only speak as a woman. I guess there are 3 possible scenarios here: 1. She thinks you're not good for her, for whatever reason, and doesn't want to be your girlfriend 2. She likes you, but for some reason she didn't want to be your girlfriend 3. She likes you a lot but pushed you away because she feels she won't be able to keep up with a relationship You would hardly have a chance in the scenario no. 1. You surely would have more chances in the scenarios 2 & 3. Most likely, she won't get back to you. So if you really care for her, you should do something. The best thing would be to know what kind of scenario you're going to deal with. If the scenario is no. 3, maybe she's worth the wait. Link to post Share on other sites
Author my_life_story Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) @justwhoiam, thanks for replying. what I meant with that was that I don't know what is expected of me in my problem. Should I wait and reappear after that time, or should I expect her to change and move on in a way? This one has no certain answer from either one of us besides her, we're talking opinions here ... Reason 1 is highly unlikely because she said she's into me. Reason 2 is not likely either because I know her courses. It's a true hell. Surely I'm more attracted to reason 3 Would a normal girl appreciate a sudden contact from not-so-long date of hers she had fun with? Does the year I was unreachable in her mind do any effect during some kind of No-Contact time ? Edited December 3, 2012 by my_life_story Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Is this her final year? I would look at this as a casual thing but keep your options open. Its fair on her part to say she doesnt have the time to devote to a relationship with ou because of school. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 Would a normal girl appreciate a sudden contact from not-so-long date of hers she had fun with? This is like asking me: would you mind a trip to Disneyland, everything's paid for? Of course not... IF you're sure she's into you. It'd be a dream come true. The main problems seems to be the timing... if anything. Does the year I was unreachable in her mind do any effect during some kind of No-Contact time ? No, because she was nothing to you back then. You hardly even spoke to one another, if I got it right. Do you think she doesn't want any involvement while she's studying? If it's that, she might be in conflict with herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author my_life_story Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 @Ami1uwant, yes it is her last year. So what you're basically saying is to move on, but keep my options open with this girl by sort of asking her out again once her thing is over? @justwhoiam Do you think she doesn't want any involvement while she's studying? If it's that, she might be in conflict with herself. She specifically wrote it's a timing issue. And that she can't handle a relationship right now. I'm guessing school and unavailability due to long-distance. What did you mean by mentioning a "conflict"? The choosing between me and school? or just me? Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 What did you mean by mentioning a "conflict"? The choosing between me and school? or just me? The conflict might be she's letting you go, even if she would ideally want you to stay. If that's the case, you could decide to wait for her. But also, would she be so in control with anyone? Even if she were head over heels in love? Who knows... Link to post Share on other sites
Author my_life_story Posted December 3, 2012 Author Share Posted December 3, 2012 I'll know. In 2 months time. I truly believe she's worth the wait, and hopefully this time apart will make it even better. Thank you for your time Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts