trouble Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I wanted to give all of you an update on my emotional well being since you have all been so helpful and kind. It has been almost 1 month since my fiance decided to end our engagement after we had a fight and I walked out. I haven't heard from him or contacted him in 2 weeks. I have moved into the second stage of grief. I am no longer overwhelmed with anxiety and intolerable pain ever 5 minutes. My pain is more of a constant dull throbbing pain. I have decided to focus on the things that I can control. This was very hard for me to realize and I know that those of you out there may feel like you will never be past the first stage of grief. I miss him and I am still reminded of him on a regular basis but I know that I did everything within my power to make the situation work. 1. I apologized for walking out 2. I took time and I assessed my situation 3. determined that stress was playing a large role in my communication breakdown 4. I took steps to eliminate some stressors 5. I formed a plan to reduce stress 6. I sought out the help of my therapist to ensure that I stuck to the plan and didn't end up repeating the behavior. He still refused to budge. I have to trust that he is in the best position to determine what makes him happy. I have to respect his decision and go on with my life. I decided that even if he does come back I will be in a better position because I moved on and continued to work on me. This will ensure that things don't repeat themselves if I ever get another chance. If he doesn't come back then I still have improved and I am better prepared to handle another relationship later in my life- shall one arise. Don't get me wrong- I love him- I miss him- and I still have bad days when I feel like I am in the middle of a nightmare. However, I have learned that sometimes there isn't an answer or a quick fix or the right words to say to make the one who left come back. He is dealing with his own emotions and he has to want to come back on his own or it will never work. I feel hollow inside and don't have any interest in other men. Sure, I like it when someone flirts with me but it isn't fulfilling because my heart is with him. I will take time to heal before jumping into a relationship. It wouldn't be fair to anyone involved. Also, I am invovled with community theatre and I just started rehearsal for two shows. It definitely helps. Not only does it provide me with a creative outlet, it consumes my week nights and I don't have time to sit around and cry. I encourage all of you to find something that you love to do and sign up or start doing it especially in a group of people. I can't give anyone a magic number of when the hurt will stop and I can't give you any magic phrases or behaviors that will get your ex back. I think it will just take time. Unitl then I am here- ready to offer as much support as I can. Hang in there- Tomorrow is another day that you survived this pain and lonliness and it is one day more away from the break up. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Link to post Share on other sites
Firegirl04 Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 "Life's battles dont always go the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the man who thinks he can!" Keep your chin up and stay busy. With each day that passes the pain will go away! Take care of you. Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I think you are doing just great! Keep up the great work. If he doesen't budge....................do not worry about that, HIS LOSS! Remember you do not owe him one thing however you owe yourself everything. Take care of you and continue working on you, it is the only thing you can do . You can't control him or anyone else or change him or anyone else. If he wanted to be with you, he be there! it is as simple as that. Please try not to waste a lot of time to be unhappy or in pain about this remember HIS LOSS! Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I'm glad that things are slowly getting better for you. I hope you continue to heal and hopefully the pain will go from a dull throbbing pain to a small tug here and there. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author trouble Posted August 10, 2004 Author Share Posted August 10, 2004 Thank you all for your kind words. One thing that I think is important to impress upon those who are out there struggling to get their ex's back is... You should always strive to keep your dignity. I know in my heart that I did all that I could in order to save my relationship. This was our first big fight and I took responsibility for my part and apologized. I never stalked him or called him a million times or made up lies to trap him or get him back. I don't hate him so there hasn't been any temptation to seek revenge. I haven't ever had that streak in me anyway. I do not feel like I have done anything in the breaking up process that I should be ashamed out there. Please all of you remember that you have to maintain your dignity and look out for yourself. Begging, lying, or scheming, demeans you no only to your ex but also to yourself. Be strong. I will always have the security of knowing that I did all I could and he chose to miss out on a great girl. I haven't decided what to do with my dress or the theatre we rented for the wedding day. I am sure I will come up with something creative- Link to post Share on other sites
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