Girlfriend of three years breaks up...says she fell out of love.. I dont understand

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Okay so I'm very new to this stuff, and I've talked to everyone until my face is blue, but I need someones advice in the worst way. I hope this is not too long and THANK you for reading/helping. I really need your help...

 

So, my ex-girlfriend of almost three years (she is 21, I am 26) has put me though hell these past couple of months. I was her very first love, and she wasn't my first GF by any means, but she was what I thought was "the one." ....At the end of September, my girlfriend and I were living together (for about a year at the time) and everything I thought was okay with us. I had issues with my job and may not have been the most jolly person ever and I definatly probably didn't show my love for her as much for the past couple of months (did go on vacation at the end of July which was very fun) We never fought and got along GREAT...Anyways, we woke up and went to work and dropped her off at college. She kissed me and said goodbye dear see you tonight...about 10 minutes later she text me and says the always famous "we need to talk tonight"...my heart stopped. She told me that she is really depressed with herself and confused with life (she had a bunch of childhood drama and what not) and she confessed that she was TOO co-dependent on me (meaning she couldnt do anything without having me on her mind 24/7. It didnt start until we lived with eachother. I could see she never wanted to hang with friends. She went overseas for a beautiful trip but HATED it because she was away from me). She said that she needs to go to therapy for 8 weeks, and she needs to do this by herself without me. I was upset, but I love her so I said okay. She said I don't expect you to understand, but just be supportive. I did notice that she didn't go out very much with her friends, but with the past month, she was hanging out with her friends much more going out to bars (minor backstory-she has ALWAYS felt ugly. She was a quite, midly chubby goth girl when I met her, but changed to a skinny, new hairdo, more revealing type clothes. Getting a little more confidence in herself and admitted more guys were hitting on here..just something to consider when reading)

 

(1st four weeks) She was a mess....AS was I. She moved in with a friend for a week, then rented out a small loft near her college (which I thought was weird considering but whatever).....anyways, during these first couple of weeks, she was texting me almost every day saying how hard this was for her, how much she loved me and wanted to be with me. She said "I know you are the one and I know we are to be together. I'm so sorry for this, I will come back to you I promise." I was so depressed, but I took her at her word. I always asked her if she was doubting that and she always said "no." So, I have to take her word for it. Most of my friends were thinking she was playing some sort of game...possibly unsure of her feelings and keeping me as the safety net. I told them they don't know her...they might have been right

 

(fourth week-Sixth week) There was one night where I went to an event downtown that I bought tickets for us, but since we wernt together, I went with a friend (a dude..it was wrestling haha). Anyways, she texted me that night saying I dont think I can do this anymore. I miss you so much and I want to be with you. Not trying to persuade her in any direction, I said you do what you have to do and I will always support you. She said "I want to be with you, but I know I shouldnt right now."....okay, so the next night, I felt like I was being too "non-caring", so I told her how i felt about her and told her how amazing she was. She asked why I never said that the past couple of months and I just said Im very sorry ive been in a funk but I do love you and you mean everything to me. She goes I forgive you because I love you. We will be great again. Felt GREAT that night. The next couple of days, i might have went overboard with the positive energy. She said it made her feel weird sometimes, so I said okay..well, slowly, she started to text less and less. I didnt bother her and gave her space. When she would text, I would text back, but not usually the 1st one to do so. With that, she was going out with her two friends like she had been for the past several weeks going to bars/hanging out/doing normal 21 year old stuff....

 

(7th weeks-?) So, the not texting as much was concerning me a lot. So I called her one night....told her how I felt again, and she did not seem as receptive to it as the last time, but really didnt want to talk about feelings. I said "maybe after your therapy we can try couples counsling (which she had agreed to in the past) and she goes "Yeah thats fine if we get back together and I said are we? She goes I dont know.....I felt as though I was losing her. In a TERRIBLE move, about two weeks later, I wrote her a letter to just reconfirm my love. Well, she didnt read it for a couple of days, which made me upset but whatever and a sign of where this was heading...anyways, she wrote a text and said I read your letter can we talk about it....well I called her and she said "Im sorry, I just dont want a boyfriend right now." I kept saying how happy we have been and what not and she said "I care about you, but I'm not in love with you anymore." I know my mistakes: SHE GOT BORED!! We would do nothing the past couple of months. Come home, eat, watch TV, maybe have sex, bed......Of course, typical thing, I begged her back and said I've changed this past month and a half too and we can make this work. She just said I'm sorry I dont want to move backwards and that "It shouldnt have taken a breakup to show how much you cared (true,but she DID forgive me weeks ago) I was CRUSHED. I kept texting her that night and she just kept saying I'm sorry I just dont want a relationship with you or anyone right now. I just dont. We can be friends though...ohhh I said no way that can happen.

 

I felt so confused. Loves me so much, then doesn't? In just a couple of weeks....Then partying all the time now and just being WAY more social (Which I LOVED because again I wanted her to do this stuff...you know with me too lol)....I swore it was somebody else.....anyways, during the week of the breakup, I kept texting her. I couldnt let her go. You could tell she was getting annoyed at me keep asking relationship stuff. I went CRAZY for two days on her like 8 text messages straight at times, but I stopped and said I'm sorry I'm just really hurt (was going through some family health scares too) I did mention I had a date that week (it was setup by my friend to help me move on). She was not too happy with it, but said okay good luck. I said "Yeah, its not too thrilling but something and she said "Well you can cancel cant you. lol that made me laugh...Anyways, she had to get the remaining stuff from our place so I told her to meet me at the apartment sunday (I told her this on friday) and we can get the stuff and get some coffee and just talk. She said okay...well Sunday rolls around, she is almost 4 hours late, and comes with her friend to get stuff. Gets her stuff which I PACKED for her (stupid) and then she goes thanks for the stuff...I dont want coffee though. I got irrated since I had things to do that day and I waited for her JUST to talk to her. She said it was too weird. We had a blowup and she left. I texted her saying she has changed and what not. She was still irratated that I kept mentioning it. I just told her "I dont understand why you dont want someone to make you happy and be cared for" and she dropped the "I did say I didnt want that, I just dont want it to be with you anymore. Im sorry" and asked why I cannot accept this? I told her because I love her, she makes me heart beat..some N'sync bulls*** and she goes "that is nice, but I dont feel that way anymore. You will find someone. You went on your date im glad it went well".....hurt...so I kept badgering her and asked if there was someone else and she goes "If you must know, there is someone I like. He knows I dont want a relationship either, but I do like him"...HURT. I asked who it was and if anything happened and she goes I'm not going to tell you who it is because it is not your business and no nothing has happened. I just like him (I have a strong idea who, some classmate, but I guess it doesnt really matter)....So I just said okay well delete me from everything on facebook, phone, etc etc. I told her I had to get over her. She said okay and she was really sorry.....

 

CONCLUSION...that was two weeks ago. I went NC and did not hear from her. It was Thanksgiving too and I was upset that I did not hear from here, but I understood I pushed her away a bunch. Finally, I got a text from her three days ago saying "I hope you are well"....I didnt respond. I'm trying to regain some form of being a man here...the one she "loved" at one point. I'm not sure what to read of that message other than she feels guilty thats about it.... I want her back in every sense of the word. She enhances my life in such a positive form. I changed my whole life for her. I turned down job opportunites to stay close to her, I drove her everywhere since she didnt have a car, took care of her, etc etc....I know NC is needing to happen now and probably should have a lot sooner. With that said, I'm really concerned with new guy and I know she posted a picture with her friends and this "new guy" sometime around where she wasnt texting as much. WHAT DO I DO? Continue no contact? Try to slowly talk to her after three weeks of NC? I've read 100000 things on how to get an EX back and what to do and they all say NC for a while, then slowly reconnect and then start from there. AM I FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE?!?! Please help me. I can move on, Im strong enough, I just dont want to...she is my everything. THANKS!!!

[ReadMyThread]

I don't see what you don't understand.

 

She doesn't want you and she wants to fu** this new guy she likes. She became unhappy with you so now she is leaving you for this guy she likes and will be happy with him.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Thanks for a such a ......tasteless answer. I'm sure there were better ways to help our other than how you so eligently put it "She wants to fu** the new guy"

[KraftDinner]

Thanks for a such a ......tasteless answer. I'm sure there were better ways to help our other than how you so eligently put it "She wants to fu** the new guy"

 

Agreed.

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through.

 

Serious question: if you were to somehow get her back, would you be able to trust her?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Thanks Kraft....

 

I have been asked this question before. I guess my heart says I would, but my mind says I shouldnt. I've seen the love she has shown the past three years and she was SO into me. I guess I always feared that since I was her 1st real BF ever, that she might get curious as to what else is out there. Ive been out there so I know....and if she needed this time to figure that out and wanted to come back, I would be REALLY reserved at first, but I might forgive down the road. I just really want that CHANCE to try again. If it doesn't work OR I dont like the new her, then I can at least say I tried. With this, she said she was coming back and swore to it, then change of heart so I got my legs cut off before I could stand....

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

First...sorry your going through this bro. It sucks I know. Here's my opinion. I think you need to focus on yourself and move on. I know you don't want to hear that but what other choice do you have? Maintain NC. I was in your situation as well and yes...I read countless of How to get your ex back crap and let me tell you it doesn't work. Here's the deal...shes going out and trying to explore. I know it sucks and I know you wish you were apart of her life but the problem is she doesn't feel like shes wants to be tied down right now. The more you pursue her the more shes going to get annoyed by you and push away. The best thing you can do is just maintain NC and hope for the best but expect the worse. If that gives you false hope then just try to expect the worse. Here's the thing she may end up dating this guy and sometime down the road she may realize that she made a mistake and want you back or she may realize that she likes this new life. Either way you can not sit by and wait for her. The best thing you can do right now is to try to move on.

 

As for her message I wouldn't read to much into it. I would just ignore it. If she really wanted to be with you then she will contact you again and again especially when you ignore her and she thinks she may have lost you forever (put the fear in her). If she doesn't then you know shes really moving on. Good Luck.

[ReadMyThread]

Thanks for a such a ......tasteless answer. I'm sure there were better ways to help our other than how you so eligently put it "She wants to fu** the new guy"

 

Your right lol. My bad. Ok here I'll let you know what you should do since you don't know as your saying.

 

Ok look, I dont even know where to start because what I said pretty much summed it up but here I will put it in the NICE way of saying it.

 

Ok so you met this girl, started dating, fell deeply in love and everything was going great right? Well eventually in relationships things start to change and people can change along with their feelings which can change things for the worse or for the better. If you feel things got boring well then it's most likely she did too. That isn't your fault or hers. If you keep doing things over and over it gets boring. So, things started to get boring and she started to become unhappy. Remember how GREAT it was when you two JUST got together and starting talking and smiling at each other's text messages and all that? The honeymoon phase? Lol if only it was like that all the time.

 

So here you two are, have been together for so long and both love each other. Only problem is, she is unhappy. But you, your happier than ever because you love her and think nothing is wrong and you will never lose her.

 

Now, when she becomes unhappy the MATURE and RIGHT thing she should have done is talk you about what is making her unhappy whether it was things got boring or whatever it was and you two work on those things as a couple but it seems she didn't take that route. Why? Only she knows, you and I will NEVER know. It could have been because she is young and immature. It could be because she was talking to this other guy she liked while she was with you and se left you for him. It could have been because she just doesn't want to be with you man. Maybe she doesn't see a future with you. Could be ANYTHING. Only she knows and she didn't tell you. Instead, she left you.

 

So here you are asking what you should do. Its going to be the hardest thing you have ever done but it's deleting her from your life completely and moving on without her. I know easier said than done but it's all you can do ad is really much better for YOU. So delete her number, her Facebook, her face, EVERYTHING. Block her number and Facebook is better. You have to heal from this. NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN!

 

Now here are 3 things you need to realize that are going to hurt but the quicker you realize them, the quicker you will move on.

 

1. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. IT'S OVER. Accept that as it is and just realize that if someone doesn't want to be you, you can't say or do anything to change that. It's her decision and she made it. Always remember that if she doesn't want to be with you, someone else will in the future. Remember that!

 

2. SHE WILL FU** someone else! lol. Whether it is this new guy as likes already or some guy she meets in 2 months. She will and that is going to hurt so much do cry about it now and get it out lol.

 

And 3. This girl leaving you was a good thing for you! You should be thanking her in your head for leaving you. Simply, because you deserve someone who WANTS to be with you an who will love you forever and never hurt you. Look at it this way. She left someone who would never hurt her (you) and now she WILL get hurt by another guy in the future from now. You never would have hurt her but some other guy will. What goes around comes aroud. That's when she'll regret leaving you but don't wait for that? Move on. You deserve better than her and soon you will find someone better than her.

 

Thats everything you need to do. It's going to be very hard but it's all you can do man as we all are doing it and struggling. I apoligize for being so blunt but as you see it is pretty much what I said just in a harsh way. She wasn't happy with you so she left and soon she will be happy again with someone else and you have to accept that and be happy she is happy which sucks I know but it's life.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Such great answers thus far! Thanks Better.....thats kind of the thing I'm trying to force myself to do. It's really confusing how someone was so hurt that they werent with you and missed you and loved you so much...then in like two weeks, it "changes" I feel like she knew the entire time, hence why she left to do her "therapy." She could have done it WITH me rather than AGAINST me. That was always my biggest thing.

 

My issue with myself is that I'm playing the "Lets see a picture on facebook and make a story out of it" game. This is why I blocked facebook. Most of her friends are guys, which was cool I'm wasnt a over protector type, but everytime she takes a picture and there is a guy there, my mind makes these CRAZY stories of what is going on, with full day by day planning. "Oh she didnt write a status last night, she probably went with X dude and did X activity" So, there is like 7 guys I think it could be....im playing Guess Who with myself. She, by all accounts, is doing nothing with anyone just going out with her same two friends (gay guy and girlfriend) like she does EVERY weekend, but my mind fills stories somewhere short of a full out orgy. It took me a long time for her to get comfortable with having sex (again, issues in childhood), so I hope it doesnt take two COCKtails (see what I did) to present the goods. Either way, its out of my hands she is free to do anything she wants, as am I.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Your right lol. My bad. Ok here I'll let you know what you should do since you don't know as your saying.

 

Ok look, I dont even know where to start because what I said pretty much summed it up but here I will put it in the NICE way of saying it.

 

Ok so you met this girl, started dating, fell deeply in love and everything was going great right? Well eventually in relationships things start to change and people can change along with their feelings which can change things for the worse or for the better. If you feel things got boring well then it's most likely she did too. That isn't your fault or hers. If you keep doing things over and over it gets boring. So, things started to get boring and she started to become unhappy. Remember how GREAT it was when you two JUST got together and starting talking and smiling at each other's text messages and all that? The honeymoon phase? Lol if only it was like that all the time.

 

So here you two are, have been together for so long and both love each other. Only problem is, she is unhappy. But you, your happier than ever because you love her and think nothing is wrong and you will never lose her.

 

Now, when she becomes unhappy the MATURE and RIGHT thing she should have done is talk you about what is making her unhappy whether it was things got boring or whatever it was and you two work on those things as a couple but it seems she didn't take that route. Why? Only she knows, you and I will NEVER know. It could have been because she is young and immature. It could be because she was talking to this other guy she liked while she was with you and se left you for him. It could have been because she just doesn't want to be with you man. Maybe she doesn't see a future with you. Could be ANYTHING. Only she knows and she didn't tell you. Instead, she left you.

 

So here you are asking what you should do. Its going to be the hardest thing you have ever done but it's deleting her from your life completely and moving on without her. I know easier said than done but it's all you can do ad is really much better for YOU. So delete her number, her Facebook, her face, EVERYTHING. Block her number and Facebook is better. You have to heal from this. NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN!

 

Now here are 3 things you need to realize that are going to hurt but the quicker you realize them, the quicker you will move on.

 

1. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. IT'S OVER. Accept that as it is and just realize that if someone doesn't want to be you, you can't say or do anything to change that. It's her decision and she made it. Always remember that if she doesn't want to be with you, someone else will in the future. Remember that!

 

2. SHE WILL FU** someone else! lol. Whether it is this new guy as likes already or some guy she meets in 2 months. She will and that is going to hurt so much do cry about it now and get it out lol.

 

And 3. This girl leaving you was a good thing for you! You should be thanking her in your head for leaving you. Simply, because you deserve someone who WANTS to be with you an who will love you forever and never hurt you. Look at it this way. She left someone who would never hurt her (you) and now she WILL get hurt by another guy in the future from now. You never would have hurt her but some other guy will. What goes around comes aroud. That's when she'll regret leaving you but don't wait for that? Move on. You deserve better than her and soon you will find someone better than her.

 

Thats everything you need to do. It's going to be very hard but it's all you can do man as we all are doing it and struggling. I apoligize for being so blunt but as you see it is pretty much what I said just in a harsh way. She wasn't happy with you so she left and soon she will be happy again with someone else and you have to accept that and be happy she is happy which sucks I know but it's life.

 

LOL MUCH better. Thank you that made more sense to me. I guess the thoughts in my head suggest that if I give this some time of NC...about a month more and try to possibly reconnect with her. Now, thats not saying sit around and wait. I have a date this Wednesday with some girl that I like and I'm just trying to get out there again, but I still feel that it just got BORING. Living together this early was a mistake. Plus, with my job (which I dont work at anymore) I wasnt getting home until like 11pm, or the days I was getting home early, I was so tired to do anything. Difference between someone who is 26 with a career vs a college student. I know age might sneak its way up there. I guess....in my head what is lost can be found again, but at the time, she doesnt want it. I feel like with a little bit of time apart without FULL contact, I can meet up with her and try to spark what we had when we first started dated...where she had her own place and friends and I had mine. When we lived together, we were too wrapped up in eachother. I dont know I'm talking a lot....

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

ok first you need to stop stalking her on facebook. Trust me no good can come out of it. I'm telling you IGNORANCE IS BLISS! If you can't help yourself then have a friend change your pw and not let you know about it or if you still find the temptation then deactivate it for now. Let me play it out for you. As you said you see pics of her and make up all kinds of stories that hurt you. Lets just say she ends up with a guy and her relationship status changes. Whats that going to do to you? Yup....shatter your heart in a thousand pieces so best advice is to NOT GO ON FACEBOOK! I'm telling you no good can come up it. Also, you need to cut ties. Get rid of all reminders of her ASAP. The sooner you go through this the sooner you get to the other side. The longer you prolong this the longer it will take you to heal.

 

She sounds immature and it seems like she knew what she was doing when she kept you on the back burner those two months. You need to move on and find someone who will appreciate you. Who knows this may be a blessing in disguise. Maybe in a few months when your a little more emotionally healthier you will find someone way better than her who will treat you right. I know it sucks and I know going out to the unknown is scary but you will get better and you will find someone else who will be right for you.

[CptSaveAho]

This is a concept people on the forum have a difficulty grasping...

 

It's not your job to try to win her back or to change yourself in order to try and get her back. Its her job. Its going to be a LONG time before she even does it too... Most likely years if/when she does.

 

The "spark" is gone.

 

Now comes the fun... breadcrumbs... just ignore them all, they mean "nothing" when they happen. Even if they say "they made a mistake"

 

I still get them a year and a half later. A lot of people will over analyze them and think their ex's want you back. It's simply not true.

[ReadMyThread]

LOL MUCH better. Thank you that made more sense to me. I guess the thoughts in my head suggest that if I give this some time of NC...about a month more and try to possibly reconnect with her. Now, thats not saying sit around and wait. I have a date this Wednesday with some girl that I like and I'm just trying to get out there again, but I still feel that it just got BORING. Living together this early was a mistake. Plus, with my job (which I dont work at anymore) I wasnt getting home until like 11pm, or the days I was getting home early, I was so tired to do anything. Difference between someone who is 26 with a career vs a college student. I know age might sneak its way up there. I guess....in my head what is lost can be found again, but at the time, she doesnt want it. I feel like with a little bit of time apart without FULL contact, I can meet up with her and try to spark what we had when we first started dated...where she had her own place and friends and I had mine. When we lived together, we were too wrapped up in eachother. I dont know I'm talking a lot....

 

Lol oh man, I can tell your head is GOING CRAZY RIGHT NOW lol. Thinking about everything. It will get better. I see this is your first post which is actually really good for a first post. Most of people's first post are like, "oh my god I cant live without them IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!" but yours seems pretty calm and you seem to know what you need to do. Although you did say, "she is my everything" lol. Don't ever say this to another girl again or about your ex. EVER! I use to say this to my ex as we were together and I'm regretting it now. To be honest, us saying that is VERY UN-ATRACTIVE. I will never say that about another girl ever and you shouldnt either. Just think about it, if that girl was your EVERYTHING, that would mean you would have absolutely nothing else in your life but her. That your ONLY excuse because of her pretty much. Hell, I use to tell my ex those exact words. Lol. I'm ashamed now. When we say these things it's Meaning everything is about her and your life is pretty much her. Yeah it may seem your tellin her she means a lot to you but all it does is make you look less atractive and it also might pressure her. it's just not a good thing to say lol. See I Lerner from my mistakes. I'll never say that to a girl again and if a girl ever tells me that in the future I will tell her everything I just told you about it lol. It shows a sign of insecurity in my opinion. Just learn from it like I did. IT'S NOT a good thing to say. Learn from it along with all the other mistakes you'll soon be realizing once time goes by. And time will also help the pain. And so will we! We are here for you.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

ok first you need to stop stalking her on facebook. Trust me no good can come out of it. I'm telling you IGNORANCE IS BLISS! If you can't help yourself then have a friend change your pw and not let you know about it or if you still find the temptation then deactivate it for now. Let me play it out for you. As you said you see pics of her and make up all kinds of stories that hurt you. Lets just say she ends up with a guy and her relationship status changes. Whats that going to do to you? Yup....shatter your heart in a thousand pieces so best advice is to NOT GO ON FACEBOOK! I'm telling you no good can come up it. Also, you need to cut ties. Get rid of all reminders of her ASAP. The sooner you go through this the sooner you get to the other side. The longer you prolong this the longer it will take you to heal.

 

She sounds immature and it seems like she knew what she was doing when she kept you on the back burner those two months. You need to move on and find someone who will appreciate you. Who knows this may be a blessing in disguise. Maybe in a few months when your a little more emotionally healthier you will find someone way better than her who will treat you right. I know it sucks and I know going out to the unknown is scary but you will get better and you will find someone else who will be right for you.

 

OH yes I agree with you. I've played the game too many times. I saw a pic a couple weeks ago and was certain it was guy #2....then next day I put clues together and BAM guy #3 lol. Its dumb. It's incredibly stupid for me to play such a game. I made her block me from there. She didnt want to, but I made her. I said if I do it, I'll be tempted to unblock it so YOU need to do it....along with my family members who have had the same password since AOL days lol....yeah actually today I moved everything out of our old apartment. Hardest day of my life. I'm not going to try and act all guy like, I cried. It was hard to see what we had just gone. I threw away EVERYTHING. There is not a picture left in this entire world (minus some um...."other ones" saved in an email. I dont look at them but those are hard to get back haha). Anyways, thanks for the kind words. I think what is so...I dont know hard to understand is there is keeping someone on the hook or safety net by saying "yeah I miss you" or "we will get together some day" and then there is what she said "You are the one" "I love you with everything I have" "We are to be together forever I promise this" just a couple of weeks before the "decision" Yes, she might have known already and just used those so I wouldnt leave in case she fell on her face trying to be on her own...but damn those are some STRONG words that came from the heart and I heard in her voice. It's just confusing to me that those can change within a matter of a couple of weeks.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Lol oh man, I can tell your head is GOING CRAZY RIGHT NOW lol. Thinking about everything. It will get better. I see this is your first post which is actually really good for a first post. Most of people's first post are like, "oh my god I cant live without them IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!" but yours seems pretty calm and you seem to know what you need to do. Although you did say, "she is my everything" lol. Don't ever say this to another girl again or about your ex. EVER! I use to say this to my ex as we were together and I'm regretting it now. To be honest, us saying that is VERY UN-ATRACTIVE. I will never say that about another girl ever and you shouldnt either. Just think about it, if that girl was your EVERYTHING, that would mean you would have absolutely nothing else in your life but her. That your ONLY excuse because of her pretty much. Hell, I use to tell my ex those exact words. Lol. I'm ashamed now. When we say these things it's Meaning everything is about her and your life is pretty much her. Yeah it may seem your tellin her she means a lot to you but all it does is make you look less atractive and it also might pressure her. it's just not a good thing to say lol. See I Lerner from my mistakes. I'll never say that to a girl again and if a girl ever tells me that in the future I will tell her everything I just told you about it lol. It shows a sign of insecurity in my opinion. Just learn from it like I did. IT'S NOT a good thing to say. Learn from it along with all the other mistakes you'll soon be realizing once time goes by. And time will also help the pain. And so will we! We are here for you.

 

Readmythread is killing it right now with truth bombs. Yeah, looking back on what I said, what a tool I was. I laid it on THICK too. The first time she heard it, she was surprised because it reminded her that I still had a soft side after months of being Mr. Stick in my A$$. Then, when I tried it twice more, it was done. I guess one of my fears (and I read this AFTER the fact) was that saying that stuff obviously pushes them AWAY!! S***....and during the first couple of weeks, I was being cool as a cucumber. I wasnt texting her, acted like I was SUPER busy, and she was respoinding with "do you still want a relationship with me?" Then, when I laid down my sword and laid down my best impression of a 13 year old emo kid, thats when she started to change a bit....I dont know if it was because of that OR something else (other dude), but I don't know. Its hard to rectify that situation and the only way I know how is to NC for a bit and maybe see if she throws "said breadcrumbs" and maybe one is strong enough for me to bit.

[ReadMyThread]

Readmythread is killing it right now with truth bombs. Yeah, looking back on what I said, what a tool I was. I laid it on THICK too. The first time she heard it, she was surprised because it reminded her that I still had a soft side after months of being Mr. Stick in my A$$. Then, when I tried it twice more, it was done. I guess one of my fears (and I read this AFTER the fact) was that saying that stuff obviously pushes them AWAY!! S***....and during the first couple of weeks, I was being cool as a cucumber. I wasnt texting her, acted like I was SUPER busy, and she was respoinding with "do you still want a relationship with me?" Then, when I laid down my sword and laid down my best impression of a 13 year old emo kid, thats when she started to change a bit....I dont know if it was because of that OR something else (other dude), but I don't know. Its hard to rectify that situation and the only way I know how is to NC for a bit and maybe see if she throws "said breadcrumbs" and maybe one is strong enough for me to bit.

 

Lol. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just when you start to realize all these mistakes, make sure to never make them again and learn from them. I've realized that becoming dependent to your girlfriend is bad as I was VERY dependent on her. Lol. I look back and feel ashamed but now I know. You'll learn a lot from this which is something you can look forward to I guess lol. As they say, "Theres always a bright side.". Hmmm sounds a bit confusing she was asking you of you still wanted a relationship with her lol. That would have head my head spinning. Lol.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Lol. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just when you start to realize all these mistakes, make sure to never make them again and learn from them. I've realized that becoming dependent to your girlfriend is bad as I was VERY dependent on her. Lol. I look back and feel ashamed but now I know. You'll learn a lot from this which is something you can look forward to I guess lol. As they say, "Theres always a bright side.". Hmmm sounds a bit confusing she was asking you of you still wanted a relationship with her lol. That would have head my head spinning. Lol.

 

I had no idea how reliant I was on here until this. HOLY S*** it was bad!!!haha what doesn't make my head spin?? She texted me one day (when she first left) and asked what I was doing and I said "Just got done going on a hike with some friends (eating Little Casears alone)..." she goes "Oh you sound busy" and I said "yup" and then she bust out the "Do you still want to be in a relationship? You seem to be enjoying the new life." SHE left ME to do her "therapy" stuff and yet was concerned that I didn't want a relationship. lol women.... I was doing a pretty good read on the G.A.G.S thread, and I must say, this kinda nails this girl down to a tee. She is a Senior in college and met me (ironically at a party I was throwing) when she was just a freshman 1st year. Since then, we dated, she lived with me, and she never really hung out or did anything. I wanted her to go out and party because i KNEW a situation like this would arise. I think she has that G.I.G.S bad right now. She never partied and now goes out with her gay friend and girlfriend every weekend now! I'm glad she is, I just wish she did it more and STILL was with me.

[CptSaveAho]

Trust me when I say this, you dont want to be around someone whom you love and care about while they are in GIGS land.... its emotional murder

[ReadMyThread]

Trust me when I say this, you dont want to be around someone whom you love and care about while they are in GIGS land.... its emotional murder

 

Capt you seem to know a lot about gigs and I want to talk to you about it sometime. My ex left me because of GIGS. Sadly I got BOTH of the bad sides. Where not only did she leave me so she can go to parties and get drunk and meet new guys but she left me for another guy that ALSO likes to party and get drunk so now they both go to parties every weekend and get drunk together. Lol. I got hit with GIGS bad. Is the guy she left me for in gigs too? I always wonder that.

[CptSaveAho]

I think your ex was just too young and made a foolish mistake... she's not gigs... neither one of you are dummies either... your story reminds me of my younger brother around your age... definitely just young kids being young and dumb

[Chi townD]

Look, here's the painful truth. She values the prospect of partying and other men more than you. That should speak volumes to you. She basically said, "You're fired as a boyfriend and your services as boyfriend are no longer required. However, I'd be willing to keep you on with a demotion to friend status if you're interested." So, you were fired. And when you get fired from a job, do you still hang out there and do free work without pay? NO! You dust off the resume and you look for a new job and leave the old one in your wake. Well, that's what you're doing right now. Free work with no "pay" with your Ex. You were putting in the time and effort to text her, e-mail her, phone her and you pretty much....got nothing in return, right?

 

So, it's time to move on. You need to start making positive changes in your life and heal.

 

One day at a time,dude!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Look, here's the painful truth. She values the prospect of partying and other men more than you. That should speak volumes to you. She basically said, "You're fired as a boyfriend and your services as boyfriend are no longer required. However, I'd be willing to keep you on with a demotion to friend status if you're interested." So, you were fired. And when you get fired from a job, do you still hang out there and do free work without pay? NO! You dust off the resume and you look for a new job and leave the old one in your wake. Well, that's what you're doing right now. Free work with no "pay" with your Ex. You were putting in the time and effort to text her, e-mail her, phone her and you pretty much....got nothing in return, right?

 

So, it's time to move on. You need to start making positive changes in your life and heal.

 

 

One day at a time,dude!

 

 

Thanks Chi that sounds about right. I always hate when girls say the "I dont want a relationship with anyone right now I just dont." and then they do....she never told me that she liked another guy until she kept getting mad that I was annoying her. And since my mind plays the worst case scenario game, it just gets worse in my head. This is her first relationship and her first breakup, so I knew some of the lines she was trying to feed before they were fed. She kept changing her story as to why about 100 times. First it was this, then it was a little of this, and a dash of this. She couldnt make up her mind fully why she wanted to break up, she just knew she wanted to. Weeks before that, there was NO way she wanted to. It's all really confusing to me and if she wanted to break up, she could have saved me a month and a half of sleepless nights worrying and sadness about what she was going to do.

[Chi townD]

She kept changing her story as to why about 100 times. First it was this, then it was a little of this, and a dash of this. She couldnt make up her mind fully why she wanted to break up, she just knew she wanted to. Weeks before that, there was NO way she wanted to. It's all really confusing to me and if she wanted to break up, she could have saved me a month and a half of sleepless nights worrying and sadness about what she was going to do.

 

Because there was no way in hell that she was going to admit that she's breaking up with you because she was interested in someone else! There was no way she was going to demonize herself! So, I'm speculating she gave you about 100 different reason on WHY you two were breaking up and I'm guessing most of those reason were because OF YOU!!!! Don't you like how that works! She doesn't want to be the bad guy. Therefore, she makes it your fault so she doesn't have to feel guilty about being interested in someone else. "Well, if you would have done this, that and the other; I would still be with you and not thinking about this other guy."

 

Point is, stop having sleepless nights. She made a choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her exactly that. You are not her friend.

[Samms22]

This story sounds slightly familiar... let me tell you something very important here: you dodged a bullet my friend. Listen, if someone is unhappy it is up to them to be mature and articulate why they are unhappy so changes can take place. If she was bored, if you were doing x, y, and z, a big girl would state why.

 

I read your entire post and the subsquent posts, and I can tell you that my girlfriend did the same thing: she checked out of the relationship, gave me a whole bunch of misleading signs like saying things such as: "I love you more than anything in this whole world and I want to be with you forever still!" This was after we were officially on a break, which she also requested to "get some time to find herself." The reason you're in pain is because you're stuck on a "maybe" and didn't get the chance to fully accept that it was OVER.

 

Here's what happened with MY girlfriend: An hour after we talked about working things out, about fixing our relationship, she admitted that she liked another guy and that she kissed him (read: also went over to his HOUSE to spend the night with him). I cried, but forgave her stupidly. She said: "Okay, let's work this out. Give me a few days to clear my head. I love you and always will and we can work anything out." Fast forward 30 mins, I go to her work to get some coffee (she said she was going to see her best friend) and she's there with the guy she cheated on me with.

 

I saw her insanity. I saw her faceless, cowardly lying. She was STRINGING ME A LONG while she got comfortabl with the new guy, making sure she felt good about him. I was waiting in the wings. This is, EVIL. EVIL. If I hadn't of caught her, who knows how long I would have been strung a long while she was sucking his ****. To add insult to injury, I confronted her in our apartment one last time, and looked through her phone. She was deleting messages from her new "guy friends" and painting me as an evil stalker, COMPLETELY opposite of how she treated me. It was unfair. She also texted her new guy very sexual things ON THE SAME DAY that she was telling me she loved me and wanted to work things out! The guy: "My bedroom smells like sex" "i want to take you to a motel" my girl: "you'll be the best **** I've ever had" etc.

 

etc.

 

etc.

 

It hurt. Like HELL. But I got closure. Oh it felt so good and bad. I saw this person for who she was. no matter what I did, I SAW HER FOR WHO SHE WAS. I was a good boyfriend and she made her own bed.

 

Now, onto my advice my friend. Go. No. Contact. I made a terrible mistake by begging, pursuing her, and harassing her and insulting her. But, since then I've talked to her briefly (once on campus for about an hour) and believe me she feels guilty and she isn't happy. Neither is your girl.

 

GO

 

NO

 

CONTACT. If you do this, not only will you heal, it'll make her wonder. She'll contact you eventually, but you need to stay no contact my friend. And lose hope. It's over. You can't trust her. And take it from me, she was cheating on you. get back out there and get someone more worthy.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Because there was no way in hell that she was going to admit that she's breaking up with you because she was interested in someone else! There was no way she was going to demonize herself! So, I'm speculating she gave you about 100 different reason on WHY you two were breaking up and I'm guessing most of those reason were because OF YOU!!!! Don't you like how that works! She doesn't want to be the bad guy. Therefore, she makes it your fault so she doesn't have to feel guilty about being interested in someone else. "Well, if you would have done this, that and the other; I would still be with you and not thinking about this other guy."

 

Point is, stop having sleepless nights. She made a choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her exactly that. You are not her friend.

 

Very nice thanks Chi! I have one more part to this story I want to add for those who might be following and can help. To be honest Chi, she kept her lips pretty sealed shut during the latter parts before we "fully" broke up. The first couple of weeks she left, she was almost begging to make sure I was going to stay. She would call or text crying saying "Im so scared you are going to leave me during this." And I never said I would or wouldnt, I would always be aloof and say "what do you want" and she would go "You. I want to be with you. In the end of my therapy, I want to be with you." I said okay and let things go from there. I always knew that she needed the therapy to face some of the deamons...She had some really bad problems in her past, and when we first started dating, there were times where these would show. She was VERY shy and VERY reserved. It was hard to hug her because she didnt want to be touched. I was incredibly patient and kind, and slowly, she started to open up to me more and her friends. She has molded herself to a beautiful, outgoing young woman now, and I think I had a lot to do with that. I was always concerned and I told her this during the relationship, that I do love you very much but I'm concerned that since I'm your first real relationship, I'm afraid that you will be curious one day as to what else is out there because you dont really know. And she goes "I wouldnt want that, I love you." One of the problems of dating a young girl. Hell, she was 18 when I met her and I was 23!

 

Anyways, she would text me at odd hours of the night saying "After my therapy, do you think we can try this again?" or "After my semester, can we try this again?" Again, I would ask her what she wanted and she would say "This is what I want. I want you and I and the end of this." I would say something along the lines of that is what I want too. I would never pressure her for any answers during the early times of it. She said she was co-dependent on me and always thinking about what I was doing. She went overseas during the summer and she said she would have panic attacks, would be checking her facebook every second to see if I wrote her something because she missed me so much. I do believe her in that aspect. She wasnt worried on if I was cheating (I played video games and drank with my friends to the point I thought I was an alcoholic haha), but just wondered what I was doing all the time.

 

As I mentioned, she slowly started to turn herself from wanting to be with me to wanting to be independent. She was saying "I don't know, I mean I'm going overseas again this summer and I dont want to have it like last time." and then things turned from lets go back out to I dont know maybes. Then a full blown "I dont want to be with anyone right now. I dont want a relationship. Then said I do like someone but I dont want a relationship with him or anyone else.

 

I always had a worry that I was being used as the "safety net" as soon as she left just in case she fell flat on her face from being by herself. I didn't think it was possible, but I feel that is maybe what happen. I could guess 100 different things, but I will never know....I've been told many people that girls go through a "me, me me" stage where all they thing about is themselves. I've listen to everyone and their opinions and I agree with everyone 100 percent. THANK EVERYONE SO MUCH TOO!!!! I know what I have to do. I need to go NC, not talk to her and move on with my life. I'm hurt with all of this, but I'm also not stupid with it either. I'm also not going to be one of those people who listens to advice and does the exact opposite haha I know those types. I'm strong enough to move on...With that said, I know somewhere in there is that same girl. I know there is somewhere in there that we had something special. It's her fault she refused to see it, I do understand that. I know there are similar stories where they say they love you are they are f***ing everyone in the state and that is a possibility as well, I don't know. I've dated a lot and seen a lot of immaturity. so I'm no stranger and though every breakup is different, they are a lot of the same. Maybe my brain is being used as a defense mechanism and giving me some form of a hope so I dont get hurt, but I do feel like something is still here. I don't know and its only going to hurt me more to think like this I know. I do have a date tomorrow with this beautiful girl that I met a little bit ago, so I can move on if need to....does anyone understand this feeling??

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

IM SO SORRY FOR DOUBLE POSTING.....I'm having a difficult time with something. If you read my post above me, it might make sense lol. I'm guessing I'm just a little lost today/hopeful for really no reason at all.

 

It's been two and a half months from the "actual" breakup, and only three and a half weeks from her actually following through with it. As soon as it was over, I NC'ed and have kept that. She has texted me once and I said nothing back....I have read EVERY...SINGLE...THING on the internet (fourms/discussions/articles) dealing with every single things. Ex broke up because _____, G.I.G.S, how to get her back, etc. My google search history looks like an emotional teenager lol. Its bad when you type something and the link is already highlighted because you read everything....I know everything..the entire situation. I've been broken up with before, and this one is different for me... She left me to "heal herself" or whatever. Wasn't on a whim I'm sure she thought about it for months before doing it. I know girls dont do something without thinking about it 10000 times. The heal herself was probably a cover for that she wasnt happy/wanted to be a basic 21 year old/had another crush/etc...I've realized what I've done, what she has done, why she did it,etc. I also know WHAT I NEED to do. She LEFT ME...she could have been mature and if she was unhappy, talked to me and worked it out. I resent her for that. Immaturity at its finest. Things became boring. It was to me too. I had no time to do anything, and when I did, I was in a crappy mood.....She has never had attention from the opposite sex. Not that she wasnt pretty, just never put herself out there. Well, while dating me, she became a health nut, lost a lot of weight, she had braces and they were removed in July, and she redid her hair because she had money to do so. She started going out with her two friends every weekend (usually gay bars. One of the friends is a gay man). I was working almost every weekend, so she had time to go out a bunch (not that I EVER held her back. Again, I told her to go out ALL THE TIME she just never would) She is doing it EVERY weekend now and still has since probably beginning of August.....Becoming a new person and a new life. I've been rather stalkish up until recently, and she has been doing the same thing every single weekend with the same exact people. If there is another guy in there somewhere, I dont see how there would be any time so lets assume just a crush at the moment... Sadly, she choose to not have me in this new life. I'm also concerned that she is feeling odd about Depressing and it obviously hurts a lot. I quit my job and I moved out of the state. The only thing that hasnt changed is what I want. I should hate what she did. Be angry for putting me on the backburner and doing what she did. Never be someones backup plan...I get that nor do I want to be and I'm also aware these feelings fade with enough NC... I know what I did and I know what needs to be fixed....what I need know is the girl

 

I KNOW THIS IS STUPID. I'm FULLY aware. I know exactly what needs to happen. Keep NC, move forward from her and find someone who wants to be with me. I'm actually really smart in that aspect of it. I'm not some helpless romantic who doesnt know when to quit.....but I do know I'm 26 years old and I know what I want. Just play devils advocate with me on this please....IF there was any sort of a chance of a reconsilation (and I feel it and I know on some form of a level, she does too) how do I go about it? I know you cant change anyones feelings and its a hard and probably faiure road, but I would consider it a failure if I did not try. I broke her heart just as much as she has broken mine. She is just a kid and one day she might figure out she messed up because when I was on my A game, it was gold. I dont want her to figure that out years later....ANY advice would be appreicated.