Girlfriend of three years breaks up...says she fell out of love.. I dont understand

[CptSaveAho]

If you ever want a shot of reconciliation....

 

Disappear... become a ghost... actually move on... endure the process of the breakup... until you do this stick to NC... when you are indifferent, you can go NIC (not initiate contact) This takes a year sometimes more for most people

 

If she asks you what you have been up to (error on the side of a.sshole... they expect it and are disappointed if you arent an a.sshole and cold to them... they misbehaved and know it)... respond "None of your business. or they say they miss you... say "OK" ... thats it

 

Thats it, you HAVE to let them chase you and win you back. You are the prize, not them. If they want to get back with you, they will chase the **** out of you and nothing will stop them from doing it. If they dont, you are healed moved on and better for it anyways... win/win situation

Edited December 5, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

If you ever want a shot of reconciliation....

 

Disappear... become a ghost... actually move on... endure the process of the breakup... until you do this stick to NC... when you are indifferent, you can go NIC (not initiate contact) This takes a year sometimes more for most people

 

If she asks you what you have been up to (error on the side of a.sshole... they expect it and are disappointed if you arent an a.sshole and cold to them... they misbehaved and know it)... respond "None of your business. or they say they miss you... say "OK" ... thats it

 

Thats it, you HAVE to let them chase you and win you back. You are the prize, not them. If they want to get back with you, they will chase the **** out of you and nothing will stop them from doing it. If they dont, you are healed moved on and better for it anyways... win/win situation

 

I've always liked your advice Cpt! Most everyone on here (at least the ones with the most post) seem to understand how things work and thats why I'm on here. And F*** yeah, I am a prize! I did a lot in this relationship and for her to throw it out like old meat really makes me angry. I will do as you say and continue my NC like I have been. That was actually my plan to seem aloof and not caring. It was working the first several weeks and as soon as i said how I felt, it was like SHE was a ghost. I dont know if my affection is what turned her away (doubt it), but it felt like that...ANYWAYS no one knows an exact time frame, but have you seen any situation where they comes to a resolution sooner rather than later? Like say she threw another breadcrumb this week saying how have you been and I am short with her....and then that pattern is repeated for a couple of weeks, have you seen stories where they realize their mistake sooner than like a year? I'm moving on as you said and I'm going out with friends, doing things, going on dates, etc....all those things she was negative in me in the relationship HAS changed and I AM a different person then I was three months ago. It took her leaving to realize my mistakes. I was an awful person...well not AWFUL but not the same person I was....but she will never know unless a chance is given. And I dont feel like waiting around a year for her to possibly realize that.

[CptSaveAho]

Less than a year? Nope... from what Ive seen its usually 3

 

I have an ex thats breadcrumbing me a year and a half later... every couple months...

 

They mean nothing by the way...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Less than a year? Nope... from what Ive seen its usually 3

 

I have an ex thats breadcrumbing me a year and a half later... every couple months...

 

They mean nothing by the way...

 

I gotcha makes sense. I only ask this because of where she is at in her life. She is a senior in college and about to graduate come april. After that, all her same friends she hangs out with will be gone and thus the limelight is gone. Adding in she also doesn't have a car...no im reading too much into this obviously and giving too many pinpoint things but she only does things around the university she is at. So when that's gone and her future has to be made, maybe things change. Im thinking maybe commitment might be an issue too with her. We talked many times about marriage and kids and she always got really weird with kids because she doesn't want them. My other theory was she saw her whole career in.front of her eyes and got.scared. Again I don't know I'm grasping for straws at this point....

[CptSaveAho]

She left you for another guy.... she needs to be punished....

 

She will never learn her lesson if she can come back to you when it conveniences her.

 

Stop trying to rationalize and make excuses for her behavior... She's not going to be the same person you knew her as

 

My ex knew the second she walked out the door, if she were to step foot back on my porch, i'd slam the door in her face... she expects it

 

Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries.... There's a great book floating around about training your girlfriend.... i'll find it tomorrow

Edited December 5, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

She left you for another guy.... she needs to be punished....

 

She will never learn her lesson if she can come back to you when it conveniences her.

 

Stop trying to rationalize and make excuses for her behavior... She's not going to be the same person you knew her as

 

Oh no no no please dont misconstrue what I'm saying. She doesn't deserve me that's a fact. I'm very angry and what she isl doing. I do want her back and she needs to work for it.if it ever gets to that point. In terms of the other guy, I'm thinking the worst that their is. I'm not nieve. There was a reason she ended up deciding to leave whether its to be single, hook up with someone...whatever. I don't kno if she is with anyone or not atm, but it will happen just like I will....I'm not waiting for her....and you know what? She isn't the same person that I knew, but I at least want to try and see if we are able to work. If it doesn't, I'll be sad yea, but at least I had the opportunity to try ya know? I've never seen her act like this and she was so stressed before this with life/school/whatever

Funny, her best friend who she hangs.out with just broke off her 4 year relationship this week lol. Must be girls club. I have pride in myself I won't be taken advantage of again, but I do want this to work somehow. I'm in debt to you cpt..you have helped a bunch!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

WELL lets update this shall we?? So, I decide to put myself back out there and I go on this date with a girl I've been having discussions with for about a month. We were really connecting and getting along. She had a busy week so I waited another week to ask her out. She said yeah thats great how about Wednesday. So I went out with her tonight and she was nice but VERY reserved. Not the person I was talking to for the past several weeks. Well, she just says something comes up and has to leave. Been fed that line before....so I text her later and say hope things are well (as to why she left) and she said yeah. I ask her if she felt it was odd because it felt off.....she then goes on to tell me "Yeah, well I started dating this guy last week and he is great and going with you just made me realize that I like this guy more." AWESOME!!! I wait one week to be nice, and in that week, she finds someone else.....So lets recap my year shall we: I lose my love of three years to probably another guy, I lost my job of almost three years, and the first girl that I try to put myself back out there with REJECTS me.

 

I'm a good looking guy, I'm not a douche, I care about other people and where does that get me???? I'm tired of this!!! I want my life back.....I'm about tired of getting crapped on.

[Chi townD]

Dude, to be honest, you're not healed. Therefore, you really shouldn't be dating or trying to date. You're not being fair to yourself and you certainly wouldn't be fair to the girl you date.

 

Dude, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone for a while to work on yourself. Start making positive changes in your life. Work on you! Be selfish. Go to the gym. Work out those frustrations. Get a new hairstyle and buy a new wardrobe. Take a trip somewhere. Take yourself out of the norm.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Dude, to be honest, you're not healed. Therefore, you really shouldn't be dating or trying to date. You're not being fair to yourself and you certainly wouldn't be fair to the girl you date.

 

Dude, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone for a while to work on yourself. Start making positive changes in your life. Work on you! Be selfish. Go to the gym. Work out those frustrations. Get a new hairstyle and buy a new wardrobe. Take a trip somewhere. Take yourself out of the norm.

 

Hey Chi thanks for the reply....I'm really not trying to be overdramatic here because I'm not doing it for attention (because I hate those people that do), but I need to say it out loud. I've said that I've been broken up with before and thats true, but both times were like three week relationships. This one is absolutly killing me. Literally putting me in a huge depression..My last GF of three years before this one (I broke up with her) is getting married this weekend. I dont care or want her back by ANY means, but when I broke up with her, I just graduated with my degree and was happy with my life and going places and she was doing nothing. NOW she has a degree, a great job, house, and about to get married. What happened to me? Well, I was working a great job for three years (I got fired a month ago and everyone got a raise), I was dating a new girl and the love of my life for three years (broke up with me obviously hence why I'm here), I had a nice apartment (had to leave because I couldnt afford it since she left). So what am I doing now you say? Well, I'm 26, have a bachlors and master degree, living at my parents house with about 90 dollars to my name and heartbroken to the max. AND to top it off, I went on a date last night with this girl. I've waited about a month and really started to do well. The first couple of minutes of this date, for the first time in about three months, I was happy. I wasn't thinking about my EX and I thought that I might actually be taking a step in a right direction. Yes, not a great way to fill a void, but my ex isnt coming back so I need this heart to mend a little bit...THEN BAM I get rejected again and I'm back to square 0 (I cant even be on square one at the moment. I'm not negative). It's not this new girls fault I'm not mad at her, but I was 7 days late!!! A WEEK!

I was being nice because I knew she had a busy week with work so I told myself "She is really into you, so just wait another week when she isnt so stressed" Well, in that week, another guy took her on THREE dates and now she is wanting to see this guy....yuuuuuup

 

I have done what you have suggested Chi, I really have. I went out and bought some new clothes, I have been working out like a monster, I've been hanging with a bunch of friends, and STILL every minute of the day in my mind is devoted to my ex. I want her back so badly.... I really do. I know she is not with anyone else right now and I know she is out just enjoying life, and I want to be with her enjoying it too. I've been in ruts before, but this is the ultimate rut. ALL I want to do is sleep. My body wont allow me to sleep anymore. I just don't want to hurt like this anymore guys. I'm a grown a$$ man crying like four times a day. Its been three months and its getting so much worse! I dont know what else to do....

[jbsoccer]

How are you doing with this? It sucks right!? going through the same right now. Except i broke up with her! im a idiot!

[Damian12]

Hey Confusedhumanbeing. How are you? Im in a similar situation as you expect i dont ever contact her unless she msg me first to ask for something. Its only been two weeks after we broke up. I wont contact her and tell her how i feem. I do miss her si much and i love her. I dont know if she likes somelse or not. Im not going to bother to find out. Because i think it just going to make me feel worse. But what i think you should do is same as me. We are both the same age. Go do more things for urself. Keep urself busy. See old friends and family. Go to the gym. I started to hot yoga. Because when the room is so hot. You cant think about anything expect the poses. Anyways good luck to you. Try not to share with too many friends. Because sometimes they just dont understand you or help you.