Mrs.Dee Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Hi.. I am new . Am reading in this forum and I see alot of people receiving materialistic things, like money etc from their married lover? Is that different from beeing in a normal relationship. Am asking this question because a married man I know has been trying to shower me with expensive gifts, trips etc for some time, so was just wondering if that is a thing they typically do to women they want to have affairs with and not relationships with . Link to post Share on other sites
j'adore Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Hi.. I am new . Am reading in this forum and I see alot of people receiving materialistic things, like money etc from their married lover? Is that different from beeing in a normal relationship. Am asking this question because a married man I know has been trying to shower me with expensive gifts, trips etc for some time, so was just wondering if that is a thing they typically do to women they want to have affairs with and not relationships with . As opposed to paying for sex you mean??? Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I think it's different case to case and it depends as much on the OW as the MM. I didn't accept a lot from him outside birthday and Christmas, you know the traditional times. We took a lot of trips together and we did a lot together but I paid for my own way. That's down to me more than him because since my divorce 150 years ago that's how I've been with friends, dates, and LT partners. It was kind of odd because once when speaking to his now xW she told me that him not spending money on me was a reflection that he didn't care. I didn't say anything back because I didn't know if she saw lavishing money as caring, or if she was saying it to make me feel it was less than it was. There are some stories in here of men who have but it seems the girls are very young and their heads are turned by the more materialistic aspects of things. It seems the OW in their 30s up it's different but that is only my take on it. Because someone does or does not lavish gifts has no bearing on whether or not he cares. We all see things differently. I've been out with a lot of single men who spend lots on women because they think that's what they have to offer and sadly, what they think that's all the women want. Link to post Share on other sites
MourningLosses Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Well SummerBreeze you got her in the end didn't ya? He left her and waited all that time for you. Guess she is eating them words now, haha. My exMM gave all the thigs I gave him (just little things) as well as receipts, notes etc TO HIS WIFE! After he dumped me. Why oon earth didn't he just throw them away? Why give them to HER? I can't work out why it hurts me I mean it ought to have hurt her do why would he do it??? On topic- we gave each other books mostly and some trinkets he kept at the office and some clothes and books for his kids that I'm sure he claimed he bought. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Well SummerBreeze you got her in the end didn't ya? He left her and waited all that time for you. Guess she is eating them words now, haha. My exMM gave all the thigs I gave him (just little things) as well as receipts, notes etc TO HIS WIFE! After he dumped me. Why oon earth didn't he just throw them away? Why give them to HER? I can't work out why it hurts me I mean it ought to have hurt her do why would he do it??? On topic- we gave each other books mostly and some trinkets he kept at the office and some clothes and books for his kids that I'm sure he claimed he bought. I didn't look at it that way at any point ML. He never set it up so that I would feel in competition with her. He said he was never going to leave so I never felt any competition at all. I think she did and after reading in here for a few years I can see why. Everyone reacts to things differently. What she said didn't make me angry. She was fighting for her life against a H who was quite honest with her that he was in love with someone else. But he was never going to leave home and that was what was important to them both at that time. I feel like I have a second chance with someone I loved very much but I don't feel like it was some victory. Trust me, I don't have him. What I have is someone who broke someone else and could possibly have broken me if I'd let him. He has great regrets over his actions and he's going through an awful lot right now, as he should be. I hope I'll have him when it's all said and done but right now we're in the infancy. Why did xMM give them to her? Maybe because she's a woman and knows there would have been gifts and if he was trying to get back in her good graces it was better to give them to her than not to. It's cruel to you and a horribly deceitful way to get her confidence and trust up again and not in any way that was to help heal the M. Maybe at the time he gave them to her he really wanted to reconcile and the gesture was genuine. I don't know why to be honest ML. Link to post Share on other sites
j'adore Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 If an older man (one would assume he is and someone with lots of money) showered me with gifts and trips from word go, and i was not in a love relationship with him, I would consider that he were trying to buy my affections. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 My xMM is 15 years older than me, and he gave me a few thoughtful gifts, on birthday etc. I gave him a few too but nothing lavish, all under $50. He also paid for meals or drinks when we went out. Honestly, though, my favorite "gifts" were when he'd text me pictures of things he'd see that remind him of me or articles I'd find funny, recipes he think i'll like, etc. Oh, and I'm part of the "OW 30s and up" group, married, and make a decent living, so extravagant gifts from my MM isn't really a draw for me. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Hi.. I am new . Am reading in this forum and I see alot of people receiving materialistic things, like money etc from their married lover? Is that different from beeing in a normal relationship. Am asking this question because a married man I know has been trying to shower me with expensive gifts, trips etc for some time, so was just wondering if that is a thing they typically do to women they want to have affairs with and not relationships with . It depends on the person. Is this someone you're in an A with or is it someone trying to be in an A with you? Frankly, any man who approaches me on the basis of here's this trip, bracelet, etc. BEFORE we've even been out, is a bit sleazy to me. In that, I feel like this person is attempting to buy my affection and interest. I'd be immediately offended and suspicious that they have nothing going for themselves, so have to let money speak for them. I'm all for being gifted if we've been seeing each other already (gifts are ranked third on my love language hierarchy ) but don't find it sweet or flattering to have someone I don't know offer me money/expensive gifts. Why would I accept a trip from a man I'm not dating? This makes no sense. But some women don't care and some just like free/expensive stuff, regardless of the implication, and some men know this so use this as their bait. I imagine especially that some MM probably do this more than they would if single, as maybe some figure they are M, so they have to sweeten the deal and I also imagine if a MM is doing this to a much younger woman or a less well off one, he considers that as putting his best foot forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Hi.. I am new . Am reading in this forum and I see alot of people receiving materialistic things, like money etc from their married lover? Is that different from beeing in a normal relationship. Am asking this question because a married man I know has been trying to shower me with expensive gifts, trips etc for some time, so was just wondering if that is a thing they typically do to women they want to have affairs with and not relationships with . In my experience, gifting between the participants in an A is no different than any other R. Certainly our gifting behaviour has not changed over the years, although the label affixed to our R has. More of an issue IMO is why someone you are not in any kind of R with is showering you with gifts (or trying to)? I have never accepted gifts from people I have no R with, expensive or otherwise, and don't know anyone who has unless they consider it a perk of their job, so I'd find that the most curious aspect of the situation rather than the marital status of the giver. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Dee Posted December 4, 2012 Author Share Posted December 4, 2012 (edited) We do not have an affair as of yet, but he has been trying to convince me to start seeing him, and I have never got anything from him, but he has hinted about material wealth if I was to have an affair with him. Like invited me to really expensive places ( and stated explicitly that it is on his budget) , business trips , made comments like " yeah you wouldn't believe what kind of jewellery budget a skilled ****** has". We are not that far apart in age, he is only 3 years older than me, but because he has an extremely well paid job, he earns a ton of money, while my salary is more out of the normal. We don't have that much contact now, but I have turned him down so many times now, so I am thinking he might have got tired of it all, or maybe he is waiting for me to make a move or something? I am not really sure I want to have an affair eigher, yet still he is hard for me to let go. Edited December 4, 2012 by Mrs.Dee Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 What are you contemplating in that you're not sure as to whether or not you want to have an A, and what is it that's hard to let go of? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 We do not have an affair as of yet, but he has been trying to convince me to start seeing him, and I have never got anything from him, but he has hinted about material wealth if I was to have an affair with him. Like invited me to really expensive places ( and stated explicitly that it is on his budget) , business trips , made comments like " yeah you wouldn't believe what kind of jewellery budget a skilled ****** has". We are not that far apart in age, he is only 3 years older than me, but because he has an extremely well paid job, he earns a ton of money, while my salary is more out of the normal. We don't have that much contact now, but I have turned him down so many times now, so I am thinking he might have got tired of it all, or maybe he is waiting for me to make a move or something? I am not really sure I want to have an affair eigher, yet still he is hard for me to let go. He's a very tacky guy! If a man ever came up to me and said the bolded...omg...I'd blank stare him and ask him to kindly(or not so kindly) get out of my face . I find that so offensive...a man bragging about his salary and telling me about his "jewelry budget" as if I'm supposed to be impressed. That's so disrespectful! He has zero game. At least some MM compliment a woman's looks or personality or skills but this one simply says "I have lots of money..you seem materialistic...why don't you hop on my penis for a nice bracelet and a trip".... No offense, but he obviously knows the kind of women who fall for this. You're obviously contemplating it. If that's up your alley fine... is it? Do you think it's flattering? Do you want/need his money? Do you even like him? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Dee Posted December 4, 2012 Author Share Posted December 4, 2012 I think, what is hard to let go of is that we have a really good connection and I really like talking to him . He is also very attractive, so maybe it is all the attention and passion? I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 We do not have an affair as of yet, but ... <snip>.... I am not really sure I want to have an affair eigher, yet still he is hard for me to let go. So you're considering it. And from your posts it would seem that the "material" side would sweeten the deal. Fair enough, if what you're wanting is to have part-time access to a man who keeps you in the style to which you'd like to become accustomed. But be aware that then you're seeking a sugar daddy, not an A. As are not typically based around the MP providing for the AP - although, as in any other R, there may be gifting between the participants. A sugar daddy, OTOH, knows his role in the R is to provide, in exchange for which he typically receives sexual favours from his sugar baby. A sugar daddy may be M or S, but the sugar baby is typically S (and expected to remain so, and to be available at the whim of the sugar daddy). It is a much more instrumental R than the typical A. If that's what you want then go for it, but make an informed decision fully aware of the costs as well as the benefits. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 So you're considering it. And from your posts it would seem that the "material" side would sweeten the deal. Fair enough, if what you're wanting is to have part-time access to a man who keeps you in the style to which you'd like to become accustomed. But be aware that then you're seeking a sugar daddy, not an A. As are not typically based around the MP providing for the AP - although, as in any other R, there may be gifting between the participants. A sugar daddy, OTOH, knows his role in the R is to provide, in exchange for which he typically receives sexual favours from his sugar baby. A sugar daddy may be M or S, but the sugar baby is typically S (and expected to remain so, and to be available at the whim of the sugar daddy). It is a much more instrumental R than the typical A. If that's what you want then go for it, but make an informed decision fully aware of the costs as well as the benefits. Sounds too cold and calculating for my taste. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Dee Posted December 5, 2012 Author Share Posted December 5, 2012 So you're considering it. And from your posts it would seem that the "material" side would sweeten the deal. I didn't think it was such a big secret that money, status and power added to a mans attractiveness, at least I have read about it from so many studies. IT is not all that decides a mans attractiveness of course, but it ADDS to his attractivenes. And because he has tried to get me to see him so many times now and in so many different ways, I thought that the whole jewellery approach was just another (somewhat awkward) way to try. But other stuff can actually fit in with the sugar daddy theory, but never thought of it that way because you know I got a very busy life so no way I can be there for him whenever he feels like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 I didn't think it was such a big secret that money, status and power added to a mans attractiveness, at least I have read about it from so many studies. IT is not all that decides a mans attractiveness of course, but it ADDS to his attractivenes. And because he has tried to get me to see him so many times now and in so many different ways, I thought that the whole jewellery approach was just another (somewhat awkward) way to try. But other stuff can actually fit in with the sugar daddy theory, but never thought of it that way because you know I got a very busy life so no way I can be there for him whenever he feels like it. Money, status and power are part of some men and it does add to their attractiveness. Unless of course they use it to mask what they really are. I'd worry he was offering the material stuff because he has little else to offer. He thinks you can be bought too. I hope you prove him wrong. He will use you up till there's nothing left and there ain't enough money in the world to mend that kind of pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Sounds too cold and calculating for my taste. I gotta ask Pierre. Do you mean Mrs Dee or the sugar daddy? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 I gotta ask Pierre. Do you mean Mrs Dee or the sugar daddy? CocoLindo providing guidelines on how to be a proper woman with a sugar daddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 CocoLindo providing guidelines on how to be a proper woman with a sugar daddy. Geesh and I was trying to get some humor out of you! I'll have to work on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Geesh and I was trying to get some humor out of you! I'll have to work on that. Went right thru me.:o Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Money, status and power are part of some men and it does add to their attractiveness. Unless of course they use it to mask what they really are. I'd worry he was offering the material stuff because he has little else to offer. He thinks you can be bought too. I hope you prove him wrong. He will use you up till there's nothing left and there ain't enough money in the world to mend that kind of pain. I agree. It's not a bad thing to like a man who is well-off; I certainly won't pretend that's not a plus. But a man who puts his salary on the table as his conversation opener and leads off with his bank account is another thing! If you're well off...so be it. I'll pick up on it by certain material things I can see or if we're dating, I'm sure I'll figure it out overtime. But to come up to me and brag about your "jewelry budget" is tacky. It shows me that you're materialistic and you probably have no other leg to stand on. It also shows me that you believe I'm the kind of woman so covetous of stuff that you offering me jewelry will make me hop into your bed even though you're married. I mean...if that's fine with you...then that's fine with you. But I'm worth more than a nice bracelet or a trip. It's especially bad that he has tried before and now this is his latest bargaining chip. I mean...really? Don't you find it a bit desperate and just pathetic? Do you think your connection is that valuable and important? If you've staved off this long, I'm sure you can continue and you can eventually move on from liking him. In any case, while I myself have a lot of pride and just hate for a man, or anyone really, to believe they can buy me, I understand that some people don't see it that way. That said, if you do want to be with him on the basis of his money, then do understand those dynamics and do understand what getting into an affair with a coworker who is flashing money in your face entails. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 Money, status and power are part of some men and it does add to their attractiveness. Unless of course they use it to mask what they really are. I'd worry he was offering the material stuff because he has little else to offer. He thinks you can be bought too. I hope you prove him wrong. He will use you up till there's nothing left and there ain't enough money in the world to mend that kind of pain. OMG! That is brilliant! The whole thing but yes, yes yes! to the bolded. OP you mustn't have been in any cold empty relationships when all the man could offer was "things". I don't think it adds anything in most cases, just an overinflated ego IME. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Dee Posted December 5, 2012 Author Share Posted December 5, 2012 I agree. It's not a bad thing to like a man who is well-off; I certainly won't pretend that's not a plus. But a man who puts his salary on the table as his conversation opener and leads off with his bank account is another thing! If you're well off...so be it. I'll pick up on it by certain material things I can see or if we're dating, I'm sure I'll figure it out overtime. But to come up to me and brag about your "jewelry budget" is tacky. It shows me that you're materialistic and you probably have no other leg to stand on. It also shows me that you believe I'm the kind of woman so covetous of stuff that you offering me jewelry will make me hop into your bed even though you're married. I mean...if that's fine with you...then that's fine with you. But I'm worth more than a nice bracelet or a trip. It's especially bad that he has tried before and now this is his latest bargaining chip. I mean...really? Don't you find it a bit desperate and just pathetic? Do you think your connection is that valuable and important? If you've staved off this long, I'm sure you can continue and you can eventually move on from liking him. Stop jumping to conclusions.. about the salary thing, it didn't come up directely and he has never said exactely what he makes. The reason I know it anyway, is because I read about the salary level ( which is rediculously high) in the newspaper + we have also talked about it indirectely when I asked him how one could climb as high up the career ladder as him. The reason I mentioned the salaries was in reply to another post where it was asked whether I was eighter much younger than him or less wealthy. Its really same with the jewellery thing, it was a comment made to something else we were talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrs.Dee Posted December 5, 2012 Author Share Posted December 5, 2012 OMG! That is brilliant! The whole thing but yes, yes yes! to the bolded. OP you mustn't have been in any cold empty relationships when all the man could offer was "things". I don't think it adds anything in most cases, just an overinflated ego IME. Can I ask you what OP means? Link to post Share on other sites
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