He cheated, I broke up with him, but why do i feel sad and miserable?

[MinnieM]

Hi guys, first off, sorry if it's long. But i really need some advice from u guys.

 

I broke up with my ex bf exactly 2 months ago. I was with him for 15 months. He's 26 and i'm 20. He forgot to log his fb out, then i saw him messaging this girl a month before i found out. I saw this girl's profile and she's clearly a **** with breasts flying everywhere and intentionally shown them off in every single profile picture of hers (i mean EVERY pics). I waited for a day to think things through and the next day i confronted him and told him i wanted to break up.

 

Before this he had cheated on me with my own friend 2 months into relationship. I had forgiven him even though that time he didnt seemed to really sorry and i stupidly accept him back. Things were completely done with my friend and him but After that incident, i became very suspicious and he has shown some suspicious behaviour and i also can feel in my guts that he's cheating again behind my back. Like random texts frm girls shows up in the middle of the night (he said it's his clients, etc, excuses i feel). But i brushed it off since i didnt have any proof and he spends every single day with me so i thought maybe it was just some girls that had crush on him.

 

But this time round i really cant take it anymore, i feel betrayed and hurt. So after a day of thinking, the next day i told him its done. I didnt scream didnt throw things, just talked calmly. He didnt deny it and his answer was "she didnt even reply". Its true that girl didnt reply, maybe because she saw his profile picture were with me and want nothing to do with a man that has a gf. But still i told him it is unacceptable that he already think of cheating behind my back. I told him what if the girl had replied, it would be a diff situation now and he might have kissed her and slept with her.

 

After that he said "fine" and leave from my place. He tried calling and i answered the first time, he said he didnt want to end the relationship but with a straight tone, he was not begging and didnt seem sad about it. I said theres no point anymore since he broke my trust again and i am tired of this and hang up. He called again few times but i didnt pick up, i was so sad at that time. But later at night he didnt even call, didnt even show up at my place, did nothing. I waited for 6 days for him to apologize and fight for us or at least if he didnt want us anymore he can end things nicely. But nothing came from him.

 

The night of day six After i told him i want to break up, i saw his fb and i was shocked. All my pictures and our pics together are gone. I obviously was very devastated and ended up texting him few times and the last text i told him i still love him and want him to try(stupid i know). But there are no replies from him. finally, 2 weeks after BU i text him to call me for the last time since we didnt even get to end things properly. He called me basically just said he's tired, its over, told me to pick myself up and move on. I didnt beg or cry at the phone conversation. Just quietly listened to him.

 

2 months have passed now. No contact frm him at all til today. Sometimes im just confused because before i found out abt this and told him to break up. Things were good, in fact better than before, he didnt show signs of cheating, always spends time with me, always happy, and the last night that we met, he even spend the night together with me. He is very close to my parents and they treat him very nicely even though he is from another country. They treat him like he's their own son. My mother are very devastated and disappointed that he would change to he is now.

 

Now all i feel is sadness and emptiness. Never thought that he will give up so easily after everything. I know what he did is wrong, but i do love him and just wish he can show he is sorry and fight for us. I secretly hope he'll realize his mistakes and want to get back together. I apologize again if it's long. Ive been looking through break up forums and threads and i've really been wanting to post my story here and listen to some advice. Thank you for reading this and for your help. Any comments will be appreciated:(:(

[movingon12]

I'm sorry, I went through something a bit similar with my ex - in as much as I couldn't understand how he could just let 'us' go so easily.

 

I wish I had an easy solution that will make you feel better, but unfortunately there isn't one.

 

I assume you're not contacting him anymore? If you haven't already deleted and blocked his facebook, do that now so you don't torment yourself with checking up on what he's doing.

 

It does get easier. And you will meet someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. You've just got to keep going.

[MinnieM]

Thank you for replying movingon12

 

I have not contacted him since the last time we talked on the phone. Yes i've deleted his facebook and all social sites. I couldnt bear seeing him with other girls in pictures or talking to girls.

 

I just can't stop thinking why could he change in just one day? When everything was good before i confronted him. I thought if it means nothing and he was just bored and just want to play around by msging that random girl, he would fight for us and realised our relationship is more important and worth saving. But i guessed i was wrong.

 

I missed him so much and i feel really lonely. We used to spend EVERYday with each other and now all has changed in a sudden.

Sometimes i wish i hadnt found out about this, and wish that he just remembered to log out from his facebook. Then things will be as normal now and i will still be happy. :'(

[Toddbt12y1]

I am sorry to hear this!

 

All people who have been cheated on, always feel pain. Cheating sucks. It truly messes with the one effected. Selfish act it is....

 

Block him. Keep yourself busy with friends and family. Go out. Flirt anything to forget him. Remember once they cheat once(as he did) chances greatly increase to cheat again. Never take a cheater back.

 

/hug he's scum.

[KatZee]

He cheated on you two months into the relationship. And then your gut told you he was cheating again. Which he WAS. Even if nothing physical happened, even if she didn't "write back" he was looking to cheat. So if it wasn't that chick, it would have been another one.

 

See how he didn't even take responsibility for what he did? He didn't even have remorse. His answer was, "she didn't write back." OH, so that makes it OK then! :rolleyes:

 

He's not chasing you and he's not working for it, because he DOESN'T WANT TO. This is not how people in love behave. He's a user. He wants what he wants. He's a player, and he'll just take whatever he wants.

 

He was barely with you for 5 seconds and was already out messing with other people. Who CARES if your family likes him, they're not the ones dating him. YOU ARE. And he's a liar, and a cheat!

 

Those things are inexcusable and there is no point in trying to make it work. He can't even be faithful to you at all, what makes you think he's going to change now??

[MinnieM]

Thank you for your kind replies

 

@toddbt12y1 thanks. Cheating is an awful thing to do. Shows no respect and no responsibility. But it's a shame that most guys (not all) in a relationship do it. I've seen many of my beautiful friends get cheated on and it makes me sad and lose hope

i'll be sure to make this as a lesson to never give another chance for a cheater, and hopefully i wont end up with a cheater again in the future. /hugs

 

@Katzee your post opened my eyes. I guess its true, he didnt want to fight simply because he didnt want to. What he did is unforgivable and he will never change, he didnt even sorry.

Shouldnt take him back the first time he cheated. Now im paying the price for my own mistake .

He is a liar and a cheater, while i never cheated on him, never disrespected him and all i did was love him. I think I deserve better than this and a real man that would never cheat on me and value my worth. Thank you

[stillafool]

So sorry you are hurting Minnie. Yes your boy is a player and has no problems getting girls. He is out whoring around and that's why he hasn't called you. He did you a favor by NC. If you two were together he would still be chasing strange on the side. Keep yourself busy, busy, busy. Get a second job if you have to or take a class. You will meet other guys who are better for you. Trust me your ex did you a favor by not calling you again. Life is short and there's no reason to waste your time on someone who is not commited to you and only sees you as an option.