It still hurts

[pedwin]

I have been married for 9 years to a man with three children. I have raised his oldest and she is now 18 and getting ready to go to college in a week.

 

A month ago the phone rang and a girl asked to speak to my husband. When he got off the phone I found out that he had been seeing this girl for 6 years. It had ended 4 years ago. She never knew I existed. He was living a separate life. He was seeing her when we got married.

 

We are in counseling but I can't seem to get over it. When I met him he was married. He left her and married me. My previous husband was an alcoholic and he killed himself.

 

I hate for all of this to be for nothing but I can't get over the fact that he lied to me for 8 years. two of them when we were just living together. My whole married life and before has been a lie.

I don't think I will ever get over it and I am making both of us miserable. He thinks because it's been over for 4 years I should get over it sooner.

 

The pain is unbearable sometimes. Thanks for listening!

Pedwin

[Firegirl04]

Can I smack him... just because it has been over 4 years doesn't make it any easier. I am so sorry this happened to you.

[StillHurtin]

I am sorry. I could smack him too! It may have been 4 years for HIM but YOU just found out about it so it's new to you. I am sorry.

[pedwin]

I have been taking care of his three children for half the summer. They are 18, 14,& 12. The 18 year old lives with us. He told me that my bad mood was ruining his children's visit. I have been catering to these kids cooking, crafts, etc. He is gone 15 hour or more a day. I just keep sinking deeper and deeper. Our anniversary was last week ( 9 years). I told him that I didn't consider us married because he lied to me at the alter. He told me (of course were married. don't be rediculious). I just stood there looking at him. I could have rung his neck for making me feel so childish. But that's how I feel.

pedwin

[Firegirl04]

You aren't the one being childish. He is. He should know that this is hard for you.

 

quote]He told me that my bad mood was ruining his children's visit.[

 

My answer to that is oh well... it is his fault. You can't go around pretending things are OK if they aren't. His kids are old enough to handle it. You aren't being or acting childish. keep you head. Get counseling if you think it will help. Personnally, I would leave him. You are too good for him.

[pedwin]

I haven't told his children what happened. They think he is a saint and I'm being a B. to him. I heard them say " God poor Dad, how does he stand her fussing at him all the time. He can't do anything right.

This broke my heart.

Pedwin

[batitm]

I'd like to smack this guy too! I don't really have any advice but I know it has to be hard when he is being the *ss and it's coming across to the kids as you're being moody or B****y. Hang in there and talk to him. Talk tough, you are heartbroken I'm sure. Try and hold off on the sad and feel the anger. He's not a dog, he remembers exactly what he did and if he has half a brain he ought to know how bad it is. Just because it's been four years is NO EXCUSE WHATSOEVER!

[pedwin]

There are many reasons why I'm so angry. When I met this man I was married to an alcoholic. I left him and two weeks later he killed himself. I still have not gotten over it. Instead of grieving I started helping him with his kids and his divorce. Getting his house out of fore-closure, paying child support, lawyers, etc. Then my brother got sick and I had to deal with that ALONE. Then my father passed away. When I found out about the ow I called and talked to her. She said she knew he was getting a divorce and was having a hard time. She thought he was living with some friends. He would leave me at home with HIS KIDS and go out with her. He said we were having such a hard time at home with kids, ex, money, lawyers, etc. that he ran to her for comfort. Her house was quiet with no hassles. I said let me get this straight. you condemn me for YOUR problems? All the aggravation was YOUR AGGRAVATION not mine. This woman didn't have kids. She had a job sure but it was his idea for me not to work so I could raise his daughter. When I got his child she was ADHD and a total mess. She just graduated with honors. She has never had sex, never drank, and never done drugs. I gave him one hell of a gift. AND HE GAVE ME PAIN IN RETURN. I keep going everyday but it is a struggle. I still have nightmares because of the suicide. I was told that he had planned to take me with him but I decided not to go talk to him at the last minute.

I know I'm running on and on but it feels good to talk to people who have been there.

Once again thanks for lending me your ear.

pedwin

[ringo]

You knew and talked to the OW while he was divorcing his own wife - or she thought he was divorcing you?

 

If the affair started 6 years ago, lasted 4 years - why is she calling you NOW? What does she have to gain out of this?

 

Does your H seem remorseful at all?

 

Where is this OW now? Does he have contact w/her now? Do you know for sure?

 

His excuse to you... went to her for comfort... crappy - but ok... it's what he said... so was she the only OW or are there more?

 

I'm sorry your going through all this as the rest of us here also have fidelity to go through as well. It sucks all around, for everyone. One mistake (actually more than one, but I'll just say ONE HUGE MISTAKE) can cause a mountain of pain, hurt, anger, frustration, confusion, misery.... need I keep going??!!??

 

We're all here for you when you want to talk or just need to vent. The website does help - keep your chin up girl! I'm praying for you!

[ringo]

Affair started 6 years ago -

Affair ended 4 years ago - so it lasted 2 whole years... and 4 years later this OW calls to talk to him - or was it someone else?

Why did he come out with this now? Did something happen, someone else threaten to tell you if he didn't?

[pedwin]

I know this is confusing. Let me see if I can sort it out for you. He moved into my house in 1992. He was getting a divorce from his first wife. He started seeing the OW about 6 months later. He had known her for a while but they were just friends. We were married in 1995. He was still seeing her. In 2000 he changed jobs and we moved about 2 hours away. She got tired of waiting for him to commit and she married someone else. He kept insisting we get an unlisted phone number. I have found out through therapy that we are now living in her home town. I also found out that on the day we moved he called her to tell her. She was still with her new husband and wasn't interested but he left the door open. two months ago her husband walked out on her and she called my home. The unlisted number had been listed by mistake.(thank you God!) She just wanted to hear his voice and cry on his shoulder(among other things) She never knew I existed. He would drive for 2 hours to see her. He told her he couldn't spend the night because he was getting a divorce and having an ugly custody battle and he didn't want to get her involved.(SLICK AS SNOT ON A DOORKNOB) She told me that she believed every word he said and that he was the love of her life. I asked him why he didn't leave me a long time ago and be with her. He said that he always knew I was the better woman. If that was the case why did he call her when we were moving to her home town? Was he trying to see if she was happy? Did he want to see her again or make sure she wouldn't cause him any trouble?

WHAT DO YOU THINK??????????

PEDWIN

[veronese]

I know how you feel Pedwin, after 17 years I found out my husband had been lying to me for the last ten years (my post is "I'm trying to survive the nightmare of my husband's emotional affairs, do you think I can?")

 

It's been four months since I made the discovery, had I not I'm sure he would still be seeing them.

 

Pedwin, it's hard, really really hard, but hang on in there. I'm impressed that you are continue to function as well as you are, cooking and cleaning etc. I was so shocked and traumatised I was incapable of normal routine tasks. My H took the children to my brother's for two days and the following two weeks passed in a blur for me. The kids thought I was unwell (I'm asthmatic), I shut down from everything including them. Had I not been such a wreck I would have kicked him out on the spot, but I knew I wouldn't be able to cope so told him he'd have to stay until I was stronger.

 

We also don't have a spare bedroom so we continued to share our bed. In hindsight I think this was a blessing because not only was he a comfort at times while I sobbed hysterically in his arms, it maintained an element of closeness that proximity brings.

 

You sound like a lovely person who doesn't deserve to be going through this. It's so hard to understand how someone you love can do this isn't it? I couldn't believe that my H was capable of such deplorable behaviour, I obviously didn't know him as well as I thought.

 

Remember that he's known about this for years and you've only just found out. I hope he appreciates and understands this, it's important that he knows that you are trying to cope with this discovery, that your love for him is the cause of your pain now. You're not trying to punish him, you can't control how hurt you're feeling right now.

 

Read as much as you can on repairing marriages, 'marriage builders' is a good site. If your marriage survives this betrayal some uncomfortable and painful conversations are necessary but what has happened is significant. It's changed your world as you knew it hasn't it?

 

I know exactly what you mean about living and coping with the pain and hurt, it's such an enormous issue it seems futile to imagine ever being happy together again.

 

Well Pedwin, it's not going to disappear any time soon, but each week brings a new set of feelings. Don't make any major decisions about your future while you are feeling so bad. It's so distressing though, thinking about the future when something like this has happened, and I won't pretend that the happy ending is probable.

 

It may not be possible to continue in the marriage, but if your H wants to save it enough you may have a chance. Whether you will want to be married to him though will become clearer in time.

 

We went to Italy at the beginning of July with the children and had a wonderful time. I felt happy for the first time since Easter Sunday, the day I found out. But a few weeks after we returned I began obsessing again and quickly deteriorated mentally. The lack of trust was driving me crazy and became all consuming. I didn't know what to believe. Seriously Pedwin, the madness of suspicion and doubt began to eat away every last ounce of my heart. It wasn't an existence I could bear for very long so I told my H that I was contemplating giving up, that ultimately I wasn't prepared to be so distressed and unhappy in a marriage with someone who frankly, didn't even deserve me. It was the closest I'd got to calling it a day and the severity of the danger was apparent to even him!

 

I withdrew into myself for a week or so, detached from him emotionally until I'd gathered my thoughts, then we talked. I guess it was just another phase we had to get through, a particularly angry phase when I loathed and despised him intensely!!!

 

It's passed now, I'm calmer and less neurotic. I've finally managed to stop letting him consume my every thought. I'm taking each day as it comes. But sadly I'm aware that the love I had for him has diminished irreparably, what he has done has changed my opinion of him.

 

I have no idea if we'll survive this, but I DID make my vows with honesty and conviction, and for the sake of my children and our family I didn't give up and walk away. Who knows though what tomorrow brings.

 

Before I go, and apologies for the ramble, did your H speak to the OW when she rang out of the blue? After you spoke to her did you feel she would stay away from him in the future? How did your H react when he realised his secret was exposed?

 

Beware though, the truth doesn't necessarily come out in it's entirety initially, it's unusual for an unfaithful spouse to reveal the full extent of their dishonesty. I don't want to encourage you to begin checking him, but if this OW hadn't have phoned you'd never have known about this would you?

 

Take care hun

 

Veronese x

[pedwin]

Thank you so much for your letter. You sound like a very smart lady. In your letter you use the term them when referring to ow. How many affairs did he have? How did you find out?

 

I haven't talked to the ow since that night. She told me to tell him not to ever call her again. You are right. He told me that he never thought I would find out.

 

I'll be honest with you. I lost one husband to suicide and this one to infidelity and I'm not sure which one hurts more.

 

He could have left and went with her because we weren't married when the affair started. He had been seeing her for almost 3 years when we got married. My question to him is did he feel sorry for me because I lost my husband and was having a hard time? By the time we got married I was broke. We had sold my house and moved into his. Everything that was mine was gone and he had control over everything.

 

I hate a liar worse than I hate anything and he has told me so many I just can't get passed it. He is out of town and I am so very tempted to call her. The only reason I hesitate is because I might learn things that will hurt me worse. I'm on the edge now.

 

Is the ow in your life still around?

write when you can and please take care of yourself. I feel your pain.

pedwin

[veronese]

Pedwin, I can't write much now so go check my original post to see my story.

 

There were three OW, two ex girlfriends, one work colleague. I'd always trusted my H completely, never checked up on him in 16 years. But when friends marriages began failing I wondered if I was being a bit naive. I checked the numbers he'd called on his cell phone, maybe half a dozen times over a twelve month period. I also checked his SMS text messages.

 

I didn't find anything incriminating but made a note of the numbers for future reference. I felt so guilty about checking up on him, even wondered if I was beginning to lose the plot! But each time I was reassured by the absence of hard evidence.

 

For some reason, and I still don't know what possessed me, I became tunnel visioned over the Easter weekend, driven by a mission to find something. I'd been more observant of his behaviour towards me and felt unappreciated and unloved.

 

I started looking at the bunch of numbers more carefully, and noticed one that wasn't identifiable. When I asked him directly he confessed to OW1 within a matter of hours. Within a few days I'd accidentally managed to get him to own up to the other two (long story!)

 

The lying hurt me the most too. To have trusted him and loved him so much, I would never have imagined it possible. The lying is the biggest hurdle to overcome too, because now I don't know what to believe. He saw them for lunchtime drinks during working hours so every time he leaves the house I'm anxious that he continues to deceive me. I now know that anything is possible.

 

So the OW are no longer around, as far as I am aware! I spoke to all three of them and made my feelings crystal clear. My H changed his phone number immediately and promised to cease contact. Who knows though? He may just have another cell phone for these females.

 

Honey, I know what on the edge feels like. I've almost fallen off on numerous occasions recently! It's bloody awful but there's nothing we can do to change the past, cruel and painful though it is. You've just got to keep going for yourself, for you. Time will make things clearer, one way or the other.

 

I don't know what to say about phoning your H's OW. I know how tempting it is, I've got all their numbers and even their home addresses. I have restrained myself from talking to them again because I don't think I'll get honesty from women of their type. I expect they'd become defensive with me, which would only make me angry and irate. Your situation is a little different though because your H's OW didn't know about you did she? My H's OW all knew about me so were aware that being friends secretly with him was inappropriate.

 

I got my H to tell me as much as possible about these friendships, their names, physical appearances, family details, job descriptions, everything. I've asked a thousand questions and didn't like many of the answers. I'd read something that said it helps to get an honest and accurate picture of what they shared, why they were attracted to the OW, as much information as possible really, so that they no longer hold the mystery that can lead to an overactive imagination.

 

It was hard to do and neither one of us enjoyed it, but I'm glad I pushed for answers. I didn't want these females becoming a permanent fixture in my mind, in my life. I wanted to confront my fears immediately. I didn't want things to settle down (superficially) only for me to drag it all up again. There was a risk that one of us would walk during those first three months, but I do hope to one day put this behind us and I knew that I'm not the type to bury my head in the sand. And trythfully they are gradually fading into insignificance already.

 

Pedwin, I do believe our H's love us. I also believe that they have been weak, selfish and arrogant men who think that what we don't find out about won't hurt us. My H had never given me even the slightest indication he was this type of man, in 17 years there had been no previous incidents of this nature. He fooled me completely, hook line and sinker!

 

My H has been quite amazing in many respects since this came out when his support has sustained me, but he's also had moments when he's seriously depressed/annoyed/disappointed me too. I hated him so much initially, the pain of the heartbreak was incredible. We've actually shared some very special times since Easter too, which has surprised me somewhat. I do still love him but he no longer fills my heart (the heart, which incidentally, he shattered into millions of pieces!)

 

Recently I've seriously started wondering if I really do like him, without even taking his outrageous behaviour into consideration!! But Pedwin, I keep trying for the sake of our children. The thought of breaking their hearts too is too hard to bear. They love him, adore him, he's been a fantastic father always. Our home life had been a very happy, secure and loving environment. To deprive them of their father has to be the last resort, but if I am desperately unhappy it would be better if we do separate. I'm so mad at him for putting them in this position, and deep down I think he knew I wouldn't break us up easily. The children are my main priority and everything I do is with their best interests in mind. I care not a damn about my H in that respect, and secretly Pedwin, would be quietly delighted if he experienced vast amounts of suffering!!

 

I've rambled on again, I just can't stop! We seem to be going through the same thing right now. I'll try to get back to you later but I'm in London England so our times are out.

 

It's a bummer Pedwin, but we can only move forward and hope for peace of mind in the not too distant future!

 

Take care honey, thinking of you

 

Veronese x

[pedwin]

Hi there,

Everyday is the same. I would love to wake up one day and think of something else.

Does your children know what your H did? I haven't told his children. I don't want to hurt them and I don't want them to tell their mother. She would love to hear we are having problems. The hard part is that the kids see us fighting and they know how passive their Daddy is so they think I'm a bitch.

 

I know if I called the OW I would hear things I don't want to hear so why am I tempted to hurt myself? I'm sure she has a different perspective on their relationship than he does.

My H is very loving and touchie. He was raised by all women. He never walks by me without touching me. His attitude never changed the whole time he was seeing her.

 

Now that I look back over the years I have noticed that he doesn't like to talk about thing we use to do etc. You know how us women like to talk about the early years. I think he doesn't want to do that because he might get us mixed up. 6 years is a long time and a lot of lies to keep up with when you are lying to two people.

 

He tells me now that it's me he wants to grow old with. He says he was young and stupid. He says he is not driven to be a lover boy anymore. He says he has got is priorities straight. Do I believe him? Probably not. He has always been the center of attention with women. His Mother, his sisters, girlfriends, etc. Now that he is getting older I think he is scared. He has never had his heart broken. He admitted that he doesn't know what i'm going through. He has always been the one doing the hurting in all of his relationships.

 

No matter how much I yell and scream and believe me I can do some hell raising he will just tell me he's sorry and go about his business. I say some awfully mean things to him. I want him to hurt but I can't get through. This makes me madder and I keep right on going. I get so mad and upset I'm afraid I'll have a stroke.

I want to see a reaction but there's not one. I have told him that I don't feel the same way about him anymore and that I'm not sure I love him. He said I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I hadn't hurt you like I have. He doesn't believe me. This makes me just as mad as the other woman. He has a little boy attitude. He looks at me with those puppy dog eyes and I could smack him.

 

He has been loved since the day he was born. No matter what he did his family was always by his side. His Mother is gone now but I have never seen that kind of love between a Mother and Son.

It was awesome to watch. She would look at him and you could see the love pass between them. So he feels like I love him like that also. And I did until he hurt me.

 

thanks for writing. I look forward to hearing from people who understand. I don't wish this on no one but it helps to know other people are in my shoes

 

big cyber hugs,

Pedwin

[StillHurtin]

HI!!! I haven't gotten your email but I got your private message from the forum here. I replied to it, did you get it?

 

How are you doing 2day? Hope your day is going as good as it can. I haven't had the greatest of mornings. Emailed dh and asked him a bunch of questions that I need answers to. I hope he can find it in his heart to answer them.

I need more answers.

 

Email me as as you can. Take care! I will be living town in the morning so I wont be online. Hope you have a great weekend!

[pedwin]

Hi there,

I'm hanging in there. H and kids are out of town. I didn't get your email. Did you get mine? are you going on vacation? You said you emailed your H? Will he answer quicker on email than face to face? Maybe i'll try that. I am thinking about calling the OW while he is gone. What do you think? I'm afraid it might make things worse.

What kind of things did you ask H? If you don't mind me asking..

pedwin

[veronese]

Reading more of yours and stillHurtin's threads is like reading about the same man - maybe it is? (lol)

 

My H is good looking too, receives an inordinate amount of attention from women and men alike. In the past year I had begun to get exasperated by the steady flow of compliments sent in his direction, this was the husband of your dreams, and wasn't I lucky to have him?!

 

He wasn't spoiled as a child but since he met me at the age of 20 he has basked in his newfound glory as the model husband and father.

 

Reading some of both of your remarks echoed some of his words. I didn't realise that there was this separate breed of men who manoevred their way through life undercover so to speak. I always thought there would be some clues along the way. He has had one or two moments in the 17 years when his attitude (during a disagreement) has surprised me, he would become cold as ice, like a stranger. But the moment would pass and he'd return to his usual, perfect (ha!) self.

 

You can tell I don't like him today can't you!!

 

xxx

[pedwin]

I think maybe there's a club that certain meN(sorry) join! haha!( I FORGOT THE N IN THE OTHER MESSAGE AND HAD TO CORRECT IT) I think mine is the president!!!!!!! He just called a little while ago and wanted to know if I was alone. I think he is getting a bit nervous. There is an old friend of mine that's been calling a lot lately. If he's worried about me being with someone else it will be the first time.

 

What has happened today? Anything in particular or is this just husband hate day?

 

hang in there, write often,

pedwin

[veronese]

Maybe they were triplets separated at birth?? Ha ha!

 

And funnily enough I have been thinking the same as you, that there are men's clubs which all males join at adolescence. They can take their pick as to which kind of H they fancy being, but on joining they get issued a handbook with instructions on how to achieve their goal!

 

I said to my H once (when we were discussing yet another marital bust up) that if he turned out to be one of those kind of guys (never imagining that indeed he was), I would never again trust another man. Oh how he must have laughed.

 

 

I actually invented an ex boyfriend who, on hearing the terrible news of our rocky marriage, contacted a mutual friend with his number. I told my H and it had the desired effect. I also told him about an incident several years ago when I ran into an ex at a funeral, and was delighted and surprised when he flirted with me the entire night!

 

Gotta go

 

xx

[pedwin]

I don't know what kind of music you like but I found a song that fits my husband. If you wnat to listen to it go to amazon.com for a free listen and free download. I LOVE IT!!!! tell me what ya think

 

ALISON KRAUSS LYRICS

 

"The Lucky One"

 

You're the lucky one

So i've been told

As free as the wind,

Blowin' down the road

Loved by many, hated by none

I'd say you're lucky 'cause I know what you've done

Not a care in the world

Not a worry in sight

Everything's gunna be alright

Cause you're the lucky one

 

You're the lucky one

Always havin' fun

A jack of all trades a master none

You look at the world with a smilin' eye

And laugh at the devil as his train goes by

 

Give you a song and a one night stand

And you'll be looking at a happy man

'cause you're the lucky one.

 

Well you're blessed i guess

By never knowing which road your choosin.

To you the next best thing

To playin and winning is playin and losing

 

You're the lucky one i know that now

Don't ask you why, when, where, or how

You look at the world thru your smilin' eye

And laugh at the devil as his train goes by

 

Give you a song and a one night stand

And you'll be looking at a happy man

'cause you're the lucky one

 

Well you're blessed i guess

By never knowing which road your choosin.

To you the next best thing

To playin and winning is playin and losing

 

You're the lucky one i know that now

Don't ask you why, when, where, or how

No matter where you're at, it's where you'll be

You can bet your luck won't follow me

Just give you a song and a one night stand

And you'll be looking at a happy man

Cause you're the lucky one.

[veronese]

Will check out the song next week pedwin, the computer is running on slow at the moment and am limited to how much time I can sit down at it, loved those lyrics though!

 

How's your day been? Any new feelings or developments?

 

Yesterday was a 'hate the husband' day, think there could be quite a few more of those (lol)

 

I've been unintentionally avoiding him this week, i think even he's beginning to notice. He's very tired and probably feeling neglected - like I give a damn!

 

In one of the threads you asked if I'd told the kids - no, i didn't. The day after I found out I spoke to my 12yr old while he was down at my brother's and he was extremely anxious and concerned about me, repeatedly asking if I was OK, totally out of character! We chatted and I explained that Daddy and I had some problems that we needed to sort out but not to worry. When he returned I told him that everything was fine now. He's definitely got wind that somethings up because my behaviour and routine have altered and he's aware that I've been browsing this site among others.

 

He asked me only last week was I doing research for my book (I'm a writer) so I said yes. Then he asked if it was about divorce. I told him it was and that because I had no experience personally I was gathering material from the internet to understand it better. Why was I writing a book about divorce when it was a subject I knew little about? I told him that to sell more books I needed to write about something that women could relate to. He seemed to buy it but lying to him was hard.

 

My younger child has special needs and I don't think it would even occur to her as a possibility. However I know that she is unsettled by my mood swings and detachment as has my son, despite my efforts to protect them. I've felt such an inadequate mother since this happened coz I know there emotional needs have been neglected to a degree.

 

Both kids would crumble if we broke up - I honestly think that the younger one especially wouldn't cope.

[Athena]

Dear Pedwin,

 

I have read your posts with interest. Seems to me you are very hurt and also very caught up in your husband's philandering. I would like to point out a couple of things. Whilst on the one hand you sound like a very decent person in that you have stood by your man, well your second man, and you have done a good job raising his children for him, as you say, I have to ask you if you are not guilty of the same thing as him? Didn't you also have an affair behind your first husband's back? Didn't you have an affair with a married man? Did you not contribute to his divorce? Did you not see that if he was capable of cheating on his first wife, then he was also capable of cheating on you! His character doesn't change, sorry, and so I do not find it surprising at all that he also cheated on you -- in fact, I would bet that she is not the only one he has cheated on you with.

 

Bottom line is that the two of you deserve each other... so don't get all "holier-than-thou" with him! You are the same, and you knew he what he was when you shacked up with him too, so now you get to lie in the bed you made.

[pedwin]

For some reason I have not seen your post until now! I don't know how I missed it but let me set you straight.

I was married for 16 years to an alcoholic. I left him prior to seeing my husband.

I knew the man I am married to now for a very long time. I knew about his marriage and his wife. He was planning a divorce long before I met him. His ex wife was cheating on him and was only interested in his money. They did not have a loving relationship. This info did not come from him it came from some of their closest friends. His ex was a very sick and vindictive person (and still is).

There is a long line of people she has delibertly hurt including her children. When a child doesn't want to have anything to do with their mother their is something wrong.

Maybe I do deserve him! Who knows! One thing for sure! I do not take marriage lightly and I do not believe in cheating! If he has cheated on me with other women I hope I don't find out. We are working very hard on putting our marriage back on track. I believe people make mistakes and are entitled to second chances. I am not a hypocrite and that is why I am still here.

You sound like a very angry person! How did you come to be on this board? Someone must have hurt you very badly, and for that I am very sorry.

I'm sure we would all like to hear your story.

Pedwin