Any good Self-improvement books?

[livelife]

Since my breakup I have really lost who I was and been a completely different person. Any good book ideas for finding myself again/self-improvement?

[Nightsky]

How old are you? Maybe you would enjoy the 48 laws of power

[cerridwen]

Since my breakup I have really lost who I was and been a completely different person. Any good book ideas for finding myself again/self-improvement?

 

It's hard to give recommendations with so little to go on.

But, if you do a search on Amazon with just the words "finding yourself" in the Books section, tons of things pop up.

 

Look through them and see what strikes you as hitting the mark.

Read the user reviews and try a few.

[livelife]

i'm only 20 years old.

[robaday]

Ive read loads, many are over-priced, and make you feel worse.

 

But I started reading "The Power of Now" recently and seriously it has really affected me. Ive read loads of "change your life in 7 days" etc etc etc...as well as Tony Robbins (who I find is patronizing as well as slightly evil by telling you about his banking businesses/charities/power seminars etc etc)...and either a) they will tell you your whole approach to life so far has been fundamentally wrong (i.e. make you feel worse), b) that you need to quit all cigarettes/alcohol, c) expect you to rapidly change your whole life by reading their book.

 

Tolle on the other hand has blown me away, by the simplicity of what he says. Its quite obvious when you read it, kinda like something you knew a long long time ago, but has helped me immeasurably.

[ErosOcean]

Since my breakup I have really lost who I was and been a completely different person. Any good book ideas for finding myself again/self-improvement?

 

 

This seems a simple question but it's actually a little complicated. Answering it requires some thought and (for me) a Socratic method would reveal some interesting insights. But I don't want to delve to deep on something you may not care to go further into. Because you are young and you may just want a quick feedback of books to list. Which I do have one and I'll reveal it in the latter part of this response.

 

But here's how I viewed your post:

 

When you say you have lost who you were, what part of yourself have you lost? Was it your characteristics that you've lost? Did the break up cause you to be unhappy when before you were a happy guy? Then wouldn't it be that your unhappiness is caused by your reaction to the cause of the breakup. And if you were unattached to the break up would you then become that happy guy again?

 

Maybe, you feel lost because this is new territory to you. Is it possible that because you have never felt this feeling before then this feeling of losing yourself is really you feeling the emotions of a break up. If your character and personality has remained the same but your emotions have changed, then is what you have really lost is not who you were but a balance of your emotions?

 

If it's true that with every new relationship we gain new experiences. And these new experiences can change a person. From these changes has the person changed his core self or is the change a simple add on to the core self?

 

Anyway, I don't want to go further but I just wanted to give you some thought. You can work this out, it just requires some introspective thinking.

 

As for self-improvement books. That again required some thought and was not so easy to answer. But I'll be brief.

 

I have delved into a few and if I were to sum up most of what I've read. I would say that most of these self-help books can be a loosely translated version of some of the Buddhist teachings of The Eightfold Noble Path but with their own unique twist and maybe a few time management tips added in.

 

Personally, I find philosophy to be more helpful for me. My belief is that modern day self-help books are missing the core of what can really help us to find who we are and besides philosophy is the original self-help and self-improvement guide.

 

Anyway try Seneca - Letters From A Stoic.

[Jono85]

Ive read loads, many are over-priced, and make you feel worse.

 

But I started reading "The Power of Now" recently and seriously it has really affected me. Ive read loads of "change your life in 7 days" etc etc etc...as well as Tony Robbins (who I find is patronizing as well as slightly evil by telling you about his banking businesses/charities/power seminars etc etc)...and either a) they will tell you your whole approach to life so far has been fundamentally wrong (i.e. make you feel worse), b) that you need to quit all cigarettes/alcohol, c) expect you to rapidly change your whole life by reading their book.

 

Tolle on the other hand has blown me away, by the simplicity of what he says. Its quite obvious when you read it, kinda like something you knew a long long time ago, but has helped me immeasurably.

 

i've only given it one read (The Power Of Now) but I feel it's just a little too far from reality. It's a nice concept, but the world doesn't really work that way. Furthermore, it's almost as if you have to basically numb yourself completely to live a fulfilling life. Like it doesn't matter if you get anything accomplished in life, as long as you embrace your existence and be happy that you're a part of God's creation, then nothing else matters. Well unfortunately, my parents, family, friends, coaches, etc will still be quite disappointed in me if i'm happy regardless of whether i sit in my sofa all day or walk around like a zombie who's not affected by any negative events.

 

i don't know, maybe i need to re-read it. i did find many of the topics fascinating and in theory, it kind of makes sense. but just found myself thinking, yea right, this isn't actually going to work in the slightest.

 

may i ask what impacts you said it had on your life? i'm not doubting it has, i'm just curious b/c if I can better understand I can re-read/attempt at trying a few things as well.

[robaday]

For me, it just gave me the opportunity to have a clear head for the first time in years. As someone who suffers from minor OCD/anxiety, I do get compulsive thoughts, and spend most of my days completely "exhausted" burnt out from thinking too much. At times especially after breakups, I feel like Im bordering on being insane, repeating things in my head/conversations/moments where I could have salvaged the relationship etc etc.

 

Guess it reinforced to me that my thoughts are not me. Observing my thoughts as Tolle tells us, enabled me to actually stop thinking.......which was bliss for someone like me!!!

 

Theres a whole world out there, that I and many others miss out on by not living in the moment - being caught up in the past or future. To give you an example, just waking up in the morning, really "feeling" the breeze, or tasting the coffee, experiencing the morning, and "being there"...is a luxury I hadnt had in years because Ive always been so wrapped up in my thoughts.

 

Not saying Tolle has changed my life, but it has shown me that I dont need medication to live a life free from compulsive thinking. Just to master my mind a little better

[FitChick]

Recreate Your Life. I read the 1997 edition when it came out but noticed on amazon.com that there is a 2003 edition. Have no idea what the changes are but I'd buy that one. Or go to your local library and see if they have it or can order it for you. This technique changed my life. Really!