Confession

[Treasa]

Since breaking up with my boyfriend my mood has been a little up and down. Mostly up because it was the right thing to do. Last night, though, I was a little lonely.

 

I emailed an old friend of mine that I hadn't talked to in months. I told him in general what was going on in my life. Nothing flirty, nothing asking for anything, just checking in. Maybe wanting a little attention. He emailed me back right away. Now, he's married, and he used to be in love with me. He has never seemed happy with his wife, who he said he married because she wanted to move to the U.S.

 

From his response email I could tell he still wanted me. He made it very clear. I've never done anything inappropriate with him before.

 

And I still couldn't. I could have called him. He told me he was alone and that his wife was at work. I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I pulled it back to completely casual and told him I just wanted to say hi, and good luck with everything.

[Pierre]

Don't do it. Even if you are lonely! In the end you will be worse off and will feel bad for not respecting yourself.

Edited December 6, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Treasa]

I'm not. Did you read what I wrote? I told him we shouldn't talk anymore when he tried again just a few minutes ago. I didn't even know if he was still married or not since he was so unhappy last time I talked to him.

[LoveTKO]

Treasa....you are going through a break up and you are not thinking clear at this point in time. You're emotional, lonely, vulnerable, and now is not the time to flirting or "checking up" on old friends or flames because you are susceptible to some sweet talker telling you what you want to hear. Read a book or tend to your garden for a while - no contact with members of the opposite sex, especially someone who has crush on you and is married. You are using him because you know he's willing to talk to you and give you attention......he's an easy target.

[Treasa]

No, I told him to take care. And then I stopped talking to him. I think people are misunderstanding. I'm actually feeling pretty proud of myself. I could have had him, but my self respect, compassion for others, and moral compass wouldn't let me.

 

All I'm confessing to is that it did occur to me how easy it would have been to have him. That thought lasted maybe a single second. It was more of a, "Huh....no," sort of thought.

 

Someday if he's ever divorced and has been divorced for A WHILE (like, a year), I might contact him again. But I kinda doubt it.

[LoveTKO]

No, I told him to take care. And then I stopped talking to him. I think people are misunderstanding. I'm actually feeling pretty proud of myself. I could have had him, but my self respect, compassion for others, and moral compass wouldn't let me.

 

All I'm confessing to is that it did occur to me how easy it would have been to have him. That thought lasted maybe a single second. It was more of a, "Huh....no," sort of thought.

 

Someday if he's ever divorced and has been divorced for A WHILE (like, a year), I might contact him again. But I kinda doubt it.

 

 

 

This speaks volumes of where your mind is at and you've proved my point. Testing..playing...probing...feeling things out...lol! Come on. Don't bull$hit a bull$hitter ; )

[veryhappy]

You used him to make yourself feel better, and when he confirmed he's still into you enough to cheat on his wife, you waved yood bye antold him to take care.

 

It's not about you resisting having an affair. You just wanted a pick me up.

[Treasa]

Fine, go ahead and judge me because I had a momentary thought that I could have had him. A thought I didn't act on.

 

I posted it so that other women in a similar situation will hopefully choose what I did over actually getting involved with a married man.

 

However, continue to try and make me feel bad if you really want to.

 

I'm still proud of what I decided.

[veryhappy]

I'm sorry I sound like a meanie to you.

 

The issue is...if you want support for a broken heart, that's a standard moment to reach out to girlfriends. Good for you for not acting on it, but the problem is why have you contacted this guy in the first place? You messed up with him for nothing. Why would you approach a MM as a rebound?

[BetrayedH]

I think people are just asking you to probe deeper into yourself since you're in a fairly vulnerable place.

 

You exercised a healthy boundary. I have no problem giving you props for that. Keep it up. A different decision would have had very damaging consequences for you, for the married man, and for his betrayed wife. I think people are just reinforcing that you should stick with that decision and not waver.

 

Anyways, good luck. Hope you find another, healthier relationship.

[BetrayedH]

You didn't know he had a girlfriend when you talked to him a few months ago? Doesn't make sense.

 

You also said he never seemed happy with her. So in other words, you contacted him knowing he was in a relationship.

 

Sorry, no pat on the back is deserved.

 

I suppose I do have to admit that it seems sketchy to post a "confession" about doing the right thing.

[Treasa]

I didn't want a pat on the back. I could get five million posts saying I'm some cruel heartless wench, but I'm still proud of what I did.

 

I actually don't feel the slight bit vulnerable. I made this post in case anyone else is in the situation like this. That they can say no and still have their self-respect.

 

I honestly didn't know if he was still married. He had only been married for six months the last time I talked to him months ago, and at that time he said he wanted a divorce.

 

Yes, I wanted some attention, but certainly not what he had in mind.

 

No back pattings are requested. I'm happy with what happened. I have come quite a long way from where I used to be, where I needed and craved a man's approval and longing.

[Pierre]

I'm not. Did you read what I wrote? I told him we shouldn't talk anymore when he tried again just a few minutes ago. I didn't even know if he was still married or not since he was so unhappy last time I talked to him.

 

All cheaters are unhappy in their marriage. That is in the cheater's manual.

[LoveTKO]

First page of the manual.

 

You seriously expect us to believe you thought he would be divorced just because he said he wasn't happy a few months ago? That's ridiculous.

 

You knew he just got married.

You knew he had the hots for you.

 

And it's obvious now that you "did the right thing" only because you realized he just wanted a booty call and nothing more.

 

 

But some women like to play men with sex talk, flirting, booty call possibility, just a means to garner attention and affirmation. I know this couple, great friends of mine, but whenever things aren't quite right in the relationship my phone starts ringing. She always kicks up the sex talk up a notch to get my attention just because her husband doesn't pay attention to her. So predictable.