KK'sLove Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 Help! I'm not sure how to handle this. The new guy (story in a another post) I'm dating is obsessed with sex. He's been with a ton of people, including myself. Okay, no slut comments...I'm not like that, it was a stupid moment of weakness, and yes we used protection. We have only been out on 2 dates but I know him from work. Let me first explain that I didn't find this information out till after we had been together, since then I told him that I wouldn't have sex with him for quite a while and that we would have to be in a commited relationship. Okay, here's what's going on. He has a booty call...that he swears to me that he hasn't been with her since the week before we got together. But he said that he's not sure if he would be with her again or not. Okay, we've only dated twice so what can I say about this right now...nothing. I would like to believe him but I'm not sure that I can. He has been with a ton of girls and told me that he has changed in the last 3 years and that he's only been with 4 girls including myself in the last 3 years. He said that he used to date 3 or 4 people at a time but again that he's changed that in the last 3 years. He said that he has never cheated on anyone that he's been in a relationship with but he's cheated on girls that he's dated. We talked last night and he said that he's only dating me and that's it. He thinks that I'm dating other guys, since I normally date a few at a time but I'm not and I told him this after I found out his answer. I really like him so I haven't went out with anyone else purposely. Okay, last weekend, we went out, he spent the night (no sex) and left Saturday. I didn't hear from him all weekend, I called Sunday night and he didn't answer. So yesterday I asked what he did and why he didn't answer. He said that he was in a bad mood and was with a group of friends (told me everyplace he went and what they did). I asked if he was with her and he said no, and again swore that he hadn't been with her. Everytime that he doesn't answer or call me, I assume that he's having sex with her. So I ask him if he's with her....always "no". But he's sex obsessed...he loves sex, kinda a lot more experienced and freaker than I am, he told me he masterbates every day, watches porn by himself, magazines, etc. How do I handle this? Is it wrong that I keep asking if he's been with her? How can I tell if he's telling me the truth? Is his sex obsession normal? Should this bother me? He said that he's okay with us not having sex because he likes me and really wants to date me, but how do I know that he's not going to go to her because I'm not with him? I won't have sex with him because #1 we aren't in a relationship and #2 he hasn't told the booty call goodbye. I can't tell him to be faithful to me because we have only been out on 2 dates, so what do I do? My friends see us together and say that you can tell that he really likes me and probably my holding out sex will make him want to be with me more. Meaning that since I'm not giving him what all the other girls do that he will respect me and maybe want to get into a relationship with me. I really do like him and I could see myself in a relationship with him. Please help! Please don't be mean and say get tested and all that stuff...I have already heard all of that. Please just give me help in what I should do. Please don't also say run...I like him, that's hard and I'm not ready to give up yet. Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Ride it out and keep testing whether you can trust him. There's nothing else you can do. You're right that this is a risky situation -- so let the relationship develop slowly and naturally. You've already threatened girlfriend status by giving in to sex with him, btw. You haven't held out. I'm not sure how that will affect his view of you as potential girlfriend material. But, I think you're right to keep things quiet on that front until you are in a relationship. Before you have sex again, make sure you both get tested for STDs, including AIDS. Condom use doesn't entirely prevent their contraction. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
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