Flyboy1 Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Four days ago my girlfriend moved out saying she wants to go on a break. This was out of the blue for me. She said she wanted some space and doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. She says she still loves me and if she wants a relationship then she wants it with me. We have been together four years and have never split before. Her family don't understand her choice and are in shock too. I didn't take it well at first but have said that I respect her choice and understand (even though I don't). I said I will give her all the space she wants even though it is killing me not to talk to her. What are my chances of getting her back and what should I do to make it happen?
mlpony Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 Hi, I don't think that you can make her come back, unfortunately. You really just have to give her space right now and let her find her way back to you if she is going to. In the meantime, meet other women. At first you may not feel like doing that, so give yourself a grieving period before you start dating. I would just treat it as a break-up. Remember it will make you stronger. And who knows, when she is ready to come back you might just be having so much fun that you will "want space" yourself. Good luck :-).
TaraMaiden Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 This sucks. I personally suggest you contact her, and say the following: "Space is a pretty big space: How much do you need; from here to the moon, or the outer reaches of the galaxy? What I mean is, you've given me no parameters, no idea of a time-line. Ok, you have requested space, so space I will happily give you. I intend to cut off all and every contact with you, until the 20th of December. Please take this time to consider whether you want to explore being with me seriously, or whether this break is actually a break-up, because I can't cope with being left hanging in limbo. I love you, and I am completely committed to us. But I'm not prepared to hang around indefinitely waiting for you to decide one way or the other, and then find, distressingly, that you have decided it's not a happening thing. the 20th is soon enough before Christmas to think about what we're going to do, but long enough away for you to be by yourself, and think about us, and where you want to go with it. Please contact me on the 20th, with whatever you decide. Us - or not us? I'm sorry if you might think I'm being unreasonable, but it's equally unreasonable to leave me wondering, guessing and missing you like mad - with the unthinkable prospect of losing you, and just not knowing. Thanks, *Flyboy1*" 9
Chi townD Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 I agree. My ethos is taking a break = Breaking up. She shouldn't leave you in limbo like that. If it's over than it's over. Then, you can mourn the loss of the relationship, heal and move on. Right now, she's got you clinginig onto false hope and that's not fair to you because it stops you from healing. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear, but if a girl makes up her mind about something it's hard to change it. She left and is probably doing great because she already mourned the loss of the relationship while she was still with you. She healed enough and became strong enough to leave because her feelings for the relationship had deminished enough for her to tell you that she needs "a break". She took the cowards way out and not pull the trigger completely because she doesn't want to come off as the bad guy here. So, you need to go completely NC on her. No phonecalls, texts or emails and don't respond to any of hers. Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life so you give that to her. SHe could have had 100% of you. Now, she should get nothing. 1
flitzanu Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 This sucks. I personally suggest you contact her, and say the following: "Space is a pretty big space: How much do you need; from here to the moon, or the outer reaches of the galaxy? What I mean is, you've given me no parameters, no idea of a time-line. Ok, you have requested space, so space I will happily give you. I intend to cut off all and every contact with you, until the 20th of December. Please take this time to consider whether you want to explore being with me seriously, or whether this break is actually a break-up, because I can't cope with being left hanging in limbo. I love you, and I am completely committed to us. But I'm not prepared to hang around indefinitely waiting for you to decide one way or the other, and then find, distressingly, that you have decided it's not a happening thing. the 20th is soon enough before Christmas to think about what we're going to do, but long enough away for you to be by yourself, and think about us, and where you want to go with it. Please contact me on the 20th, with whatever you decide. Us - or not us? I'm sorry if you might think I'm being unreasonable, but it's equally unreasonable to leave me wondering, guessing and missing you like mad - with the unthinkable prospect of losing you, and just not knowing. Thanks, *Flyboy1*" i may or may not just be in love with Tara. but really, as cynical as i am now, finding a girl with smartz like this would be awesome, yet intimidating. ;p oh, and also Katzee. you two girls just rock the advice. that is, presuming both of them are actually female and not pretending.
TaraMaiden Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Flitzanu - that's really kind of you to say that - and, yes: 100% whole, grade-A female, no modifications, alterations or finishing touches. Just me.
flitzanu Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 how dangerous would that be, two people from loveshack that know all the tricks and all the secrets of the unhappy/breakup language - being together. hahaha. i almost feel really bad for the next girl i date if she ever even MUTTERS any of the keywords!!! it's almost sad that so many people follow the same patterns all across the world though when it comes to being to chicken to end relationships honestly.
TaraMaiden Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Yeah...can't you just see it....? You: Well, I.... Me: Yes, I know.... But then.... You: Actually, I would.... Me: No really..... You: But what if......? Me: Oh, then we can..... You: Yeah, great! Then..... Me: Cool, we could..... You: And then..... Me: I'm so glad we had this little chat!! You: Amen to that! 1
Mr.White Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Yeah...can't you just see it....? You: Well, I.... Me: Yes, I know.... But then.... You: Actually, I would.... Me: No really..... You: But what if......? Me: Oh, then we can..... You: Yeah, great! Then..... Me: Cool, we could..... You: And then..... Me: I'm so glad we had this little chat!! You: Amen to that! You and Flitzanu have been very helpful. I will use this if I am to contact my girlfriend on our break. I was wondering if you and Flitzanu could give me your personal insight on my current situation too. It would really mean a lot to me, I am in a very fragile emotional situation and cannot analyze it myself.
flitzanu Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 You and Flitzanu have been very helpful. I will use this if I am to contact my girlfriend on our break. I was wondering if you and Flitzanu could give me your personal insight on my current situation too. It would really mean a lot to me, I am in a very fragile emotional situation and cannot analyze it myself. did you post your story/question in a new thread already?
Chi townD Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 @ Flitz...Yeah Mr. White has a thread on here and he's thinking about breaking NC to wish her luck on somethin or other and that they're supposed to get together to have "the talk"...blah...blah...you know the drill... @ Mr. White Just to be fair warned about flitz, he doesn't pull his punches. If you're screwing up he's gonna let you know about it. But, his advice is solid. @ Flyboy if you come back, STAY NC!!!! 1
Ramzk001 Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Katzee and Taramaiden must be hot and smelly chicks. Problem is that both are broken-hearted and bitter as hell. Challenging girls
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 did you post your story/question in a new thread already? Yeah... here you go.... Further thread, here, too....
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Katzee and Taramaiden must be hot and smelly chicks. Problem is that both are broken-hearted and bitter as hell. Challenging girls Hot, oh yes, I am. Smelly? Yes, in a good way - unless you don't happen to like Thierry Mugler's 'Angel'..... Broken hearted? I think you'd be very hard-pressed to find anything, in any of my 13k+ posts to indicate any evidence of a broken heart. Never happened..... Bitter? Erm..... ditto.... But thank you dear heart, for the publicity shot!
TaraMaiden Posted December 10, 2012 Posted December 10, 2012 Do you know, I don't even know what that is.........
flitzanu Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 i think that was an attempt at negs instead of compliments to get your attention!! "omg girl that's the orangest tan i've ever seen"
flitzanu Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 Come on Flitz, Grow up. was that a neg or a compliment? either way it might be working.
jbsoccer Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 This sucks. I personally suggest you contact her, and say the following: "Space is a pretty big space: How much do you need; from here to the moon, or the outer reaches of the galaxy? What I mean is, you've given me no parameters, no idea of a time-line. Ok, you have requested space, so space I will happily give you. I intend to cut off all and every contact with you, until the 20th of December. Please take this time to consider whether you want to explore being with me seriously, or whether this break is actually a break-up, because I can't cope with being left hanging in limbo. I love you, and I am completely committed to us. But I'm not prepared to hang around indefinitely waiting for you to decide one way or the other, and then find, distressingly, that you have decided it's not a happening thing. the 20th is soon enough before Christmas to think about what we're going to do, but long enough away for you to be by yourself, and think about us, and where you want to go with it. Please contact me on the 20th, with whatever you decide. Us - or not us? I'm sorry if you might think I'm being unreasonable, but it's equally unreasonable to leave me wondering, guessing and missing you like mad - with the unthinkable prospect of losing you, and just not knowing. Thanks, *Flyboy1*" Hi tara, Followed your link so apologies that i replied to both. I agree with this but what is the answer if, like in my situation she has HUGE self esteem issues, feels shes undeserving and she says i want you be be happy and find someone else. This isnt really want she wants but she is selfless and doesnt think shes deserving. (i know there will be some doubters to this motivation but again im pretty aware of the situation and she really, really does have some serious self esteem issues and is feeling very overwhelmed)
TaraMaiden Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Hi tara, Followed your link so apologies that i replied to both. I agree with this but what is the answer if, like in my situation she has HUGE self esteem issues, feels shes undeserving and she says i want you be be happy and find someone else. This isnt really want she wants but she is selfless and doesnt think shes deserving. (i know there will be some doubters to this motivation but again im pretty aware of the situation and she really, really does have some serious self esteem issues and is feeling very overwhelmed) It's not your job to fix her, or to make up the deficit in her inability to contribute to the relationship. if she needs therapy, let her get it, work on herself, and fix her own issues. You cannot make up for that, neither should you adopt that role, or work to make allowances for the fact that she has a flawed personality. You're making excuses for her when all you really need to know is - it's not working. And no amount of protest, insistence and justifications on your part will change that. 1
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