I love my emotionally abusive boyfriend more than I love myself...

[mell21]

... and I don't know what to do! He has a complete and total hold over me. He has disrespected me, my family and my friends. No one wants me to be with him, including my parents. They have actually told me I am not allowed to date him, or see him, or even talk to him. And I am 21 but I live at home and must obey the rules. He is always accusing me of cheating on him (even though I never have), he is incredibly insecure, and he makes it very clear that he does not trust me. He has threatened to break up with me if I don't go see him. I find myself more unhappy than happy with this relationship. But I stay in it despite what my brain, and my parents tell me. Despite all of this, our relationship still has it's ups that keep me around. We have amazing sex, I am comfortable with myself and being myself when we're together. As long as we're not arguing and everything is going good, I have an amazing time with him and lovelove being around him. I'm scared that if I lose him, I will never feel that way with anyone again.

I feel like this relationship has just sucked it all out of me. I have lost all self esteem, self respect, and self worth. I feel trapped due to my own fears and self hatred. It's such a hard cycle to break and I don't know where to how and start and that is why I'm here.

[MikeyBe]

Sounds pretty bad mell and very self-destructive. You don't sound like a naive person and obviously anyone reading your post would advise you to drop him and this horrible relationship like a bad habit, but you already knew that a thousand times over.

 

Without getting too much into it, I'll just tell you that being with someone like him is actually easier for you and indulges both your insecurities and his. If you think you're dirt, then being treated like dirt is what you'll feel comfortable with no matter how ridiculous that sounds. And vice versa, if he thinks he's dirt, then he'll always lower you so he can keep his hold over you.

 

Have the courage to admit to yourself why you like him and this situation. That you actively want this kind of relationship regardless of how bad it is. That you like him for the wrong reasons. That's its probably attractive to you when everyone tells you to dump him and not see him anymore. Things like stress and drama can be very powerful and very addictive.

 

 

So stop being dirt. You're not. When you realize that you won't let people stomp on you like this. If you want to stay dirt, then by all means stay with him and let him continue to indulge everything that makes you feel as such.

[amaysngrace]

It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.

[Pyro]

... and I don't know what to do! He has a complete and total hold over me. He has disrespected me, my family and my friends. No one wants me to be with him, including my parents. They have actually told me I am not allowed to date him, or see him, or even talk to him. And I am 21 but I live at home and must obey the rules. He is always accusing me of cheating on him (even though I never have), he is incredibly insecure, and he makes it very clear that he does not trust me. He has threatened to break up with me if I don't go see him. I find myself more unhappy than happy with this relationship. But I stay in it despite what my brain, and my parents tell me. Despite all of this, our relationship still has it's ups that keep me around. We have amazing sex, I am comfortable with myself and being myself when we're together. As long as we're not arguing and everything is going good, I have an amazing time with him and lovelove being around him. I'm scared that if I lose him, I will never feel that way with anyone again.

I feel like this relationship has just sucked it all out of me. I have lost all self esteem, self respect, and self worth. I feel trapped due to my own fears and self hatred. It's such a hard cycle to break and I don't know where to how and start and that is why I'm here.

 

Is Greznog your BF?

 

You are letting him know that this emotional abuse is acceptable so it is only a matter of time before he moves on to the physical abuse. Are you going to accept that as well? Shouldn't be long before you are confined to a wheel chair or bed. Then he won't have to worry about you possibly cheating.

 

Try to see your situation from an outsiders POV.

[amaysngrace]

Yeah what would you tell your friend if she was with him?