5 days since break up, 1 & half day NC

[Steve11]

And it's killing me.

 

I keep looking at my phone hoping she's gonna text, but she doesn't. I've been in the gym but can't focus. I try and get away from friends or groups because I can't focus.

 

I'm trying to set myself a target. Go 6 days NC, then contact to ask if I can get my things back sometime, then I'll go NC again till I go and get my things.

 

I'm going nuts.

[lakerman34]

I feel for you, man. This is VERY normal. I was the same way.

 

Just, whatever you do, don't talk crap about her to anybody BUT your friends, keep TRYING to workout, stay NC. I'd go so far as NOT contacting her for your things.

 

Stay hard NC. Don't try and look into places where you think she'd be, don't try and talk to her friends, go STRICT STRICT STRICT NC.

 

I have faith in you, man.

 

Grieve. Make sure you cry, remember the good times, go to the places that were so important in your relationship. Do that for 3-4 days, then watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall. You'll see that the protagonist in that film (Jason Segel) is acting the same exact way you are. Then, throw away EVERYTHING that reminds you of her, or at least put it ALL in a box and store it somewhere that isn't too easy to access. Mail her back all her things. Then, find a hobby or do something you've always wanted to do that you couldn't with her.

 

Finally, DO NOT REBOUND. You'll feel worse.

 

Also, I HATE telling people this, but be prepared to hear about or see her with a new guy. It'll happen. If she says anything, tell her you are happy for her, and excuse yourself from the conversation. Don't do anything about it. Just give her her space.

 

Don't have hopes of her coming back, no matter what happens. My ex's friends ALL told me she loved me and wanted me back, but I told them that she knew where I lived, if she wanted me back, she could come talk to me. She never did.

 

Assume she's gone forever, and act accordingly. ONLY if she comes back begging will there be chance of reconciliation.

 

Post as much as you'd like in this forum. It really helped me. We are all here to help you through this tough, tough time. The first 2 weeks are the hardest. You'll get through. I promise.

 

There will come a time in the next month or so that you will embrace your new singleness. Embrace it. Make yourself better. Let your ex REGRET dumping you. Remember all the bad times. Remember how she drove you crazy. An activity I did was I took a picture of her, and then I had my friends and myself say all the negative things about my ex. Her looks, her habits, her personality, we were BRUTAL. Then, we turned the picture over and did it again. Just as brutal. I did this activity several times, now I can't believe I was ever attracted to her.

 

Mind you, one mistake I made was I NEVER said 'hi' to her in passing by. Now we don't even look at each other. I recommend saying 'hi' to her and treat her as a coworker. Be nice, but don't go out of your way. Imagine the confidence that you would show her, confidence she probably doesn't have.

 

Lastly, and I can't stress this enough DELETE and BLACKLIST ALL SOCIAL MEDIA SITES!!!! You do NOT want to keep going on her profile, seeing what she's up to, and seeing her face. This will slow down your healing process, and you'll begin to realize that ignorance is bliss.

 

My ex is currently dating and screwing one of my friends (now ex-friend). This Friday/Saturday is their respective sorority and fraternity formals. Thank goodness I don't have a Facebook to see the pictures. And if any of my friends bring it up to her, I WILL lash out at them.

 

A lot of girls like to play games. Don't retaliate. I did and it is one of my biggest (if not, THE biggest) regret I've had post-breakup.

 

Do all this, and you'll be OK. I promise. Hell, you'll be stronger than ever.

Edited December 6, 2012 by lakerman34

[Steve11]

I appreciate the advice.

 

She said to me that she wants to sort her life out and that she doesn't know what she wants from it I.e work, living etc

 

I said I need to move on, to which she replied, you just mean getting with other women. I told her I love her & I want to work on us, but she said if its meant to be it will be.

 

I don't want to go out with my mates because I know if I drink I'll get upset the following day & be depressed. If I seem her with another man, it'd kill me.

 

I hate this feeling.

[lakerman34]

That's another thing. STAY AWAY FROM THE BOTTLE. It's a depressant, I said ugly things about her that I regret when drunk, and you're not great company when you're in a fragile state AND drunk. I recommend not drinking for a while.

[Steve11]

I keep going through moments when I think it's for the best & I feel a bit ok. Then I can't stop thinking about her and my stomach goes, by heart starts palpitating & I feel distraught. She was at times really nasty, but I still love her.

[Steve11]

We were meant to be spending Christmas together & I've already bought her main present. It's made me miserable. I know she's gonna move on quickly and be having fun because its the type of person she is.

[lakerman34]

We were meant to be spending Christmas together & I've already bought her main present. It's made me miserable. I know she's gonna move on quickly and be having fun because its the type of person she is.

 

My ex is the same way. 'Fun' is the most important thing to her, and being 19, that's OK. I respect that. We wanted different things. She wanted a 'boyfriend' that only spoke to her after 11PM on weekends, and she went out and found that guy. No love, just 'like' and physicality.

 

I don't know if your issue with your ex is EXACTLY the same with me, but if it is, I found an interesting article by CNN recently. They were saying that guys that go AGAINST their evolutionary tendencies (i.e. looking for multiple mates, and instead, looking for a committed, single mate) tend to have higher IQs. That made me feel a LOT better.

 

It's going to be hard to have fun for a while. Try. I went to one of the top haunted houses in the country. Something I would probably not have done had I been in a relationship. Do something off-the-wall. Go skydiving. Go scuba diving. ANYTHING. Road trips with your mates. You'll think of something. It's hard, and sometimes you might feel hopeless, but time REALLY HEALS EVERYTHING. There will always be a scare, I'll always remember my Vanessa, but someday you'll be OK with it and the thought of her being with another man won't bother you. You may even hate her for a while, but there will be a time where you genuinely hold no feelings for her anymore.

 

There are many other girls out there that blow your ex out of the water. Someday, you'll find one and you'll wonder why you were so hung up on your ex. The relationship with your ex will be a joke and maybe even a waste of time in your eyes someday. I promise that.

[Steve11]

I'm starting a new gym program on Monday because I've hardly been since I've been with her.

 

I've found out some great news about a job prospect that I've been waiting for for a long time & I really want to tell her, but I can't.

 

As soon as someone talks to be about her I feel the need to cry. I'm a bloke!

[cavalier99]

Hey man it will be ok. Lakerman34 had good advise. Ill second the crying part also. No shame in this. In fact cry on purpose and tell yourself it is OVER. Relive every great moment and let it all out how much you gave ecetera. Mourning the loss is important.

 

Read NavyAirTraffic guide. Caliguy and No foolin guide. It gets better!

[Steve11]

It's not speaking to her that's messing me up. I've gone from spending everyday with her to nothing. All I can think is that she's moving on and having a great time, leading a great life and I'm stuck in a rut.

[Renard99]

I've gone from spending everyday with her to nothing.

 

It's quite a shock and I remember feeling the same but it's important to keep in mind that there was a time when you weren't with her. It may have been weeks, months or years ago but still, you managed to cope then! I know it feels bad now but we were all single once upon a time, you just need to wait for that 'experience' to kick back in

 

 

All I can think is that she's moving on and having a great time, leading a great life and I'm stuck in a rut.

 

With this, you have to ask yourself 'is she really moving on and having a good time?' You have no way of knowing what she's really thinking or feeling, regardless of what you may see or hear. I know I certainly used the 'fake it unitl you make it' policy for a while. The reality is that she probably isn't having as good a time as you think. I know it's easy for you mind to run away with these things but just remember, in reality, things aren't as rosey as you think for her.

As far as being in a rut goes, that really will pass, you just need time. Ask most of us and the vast majority will say they were in a rut. I remember being sat in my room, whilst my house mates were out, and just crying my eyes out and doing absolutely nothing for hours. Yet, here I am now 99% healed, a healthy social life and currently in a relationship with a woman that blows my ex out of the water.

You'll get there, you just need to give it time.

[Steve11]

Do you recon I should text a girl who I haven't spoke to in a while to take my mind of things?

 

I honestly want to get back with her, but don't think I have any chance

[lakerman34]

Do you recon I should text a girl who I haven't spoke to in a while to take my mind of things?

 

I honestly want to get back with her, but don't think I have any chance

 

No. It sounds and feels like a good idea, but rebound relationships are NOT. Rebound relationships include rebound hookups.