Sugarkane Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 The first time I slept over at a guys house in my late teens- 19, I got screamed at. Got called a slut and a whore which I'm not remotely. I didn't even have sex with the guy because I was a virgin and too nervous. The guy put tons of pressure on me. Why do patents never call their sons sluts for doing the same? Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 It's the double-standard. Although both are sluts if they act and do like a slut. Really it's societies views of the female vaginam it's pureness so to speak which creates the double standard Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 The first time I slept over at a guys house in my late teens- 19, I got screamed at. Got called a slut and a whore which I'm not remotely. I didn't even have sex with the guy because I was a virgin and too nervous. The guy put tons of pressure on me. Why do patents never call their sons sluts for doing the same? The world has become to PC. Men and women are different in many ways. It wasn't right for any one to be mean to you but certain realities do exist. You sleeping over at a guys house when you don't intend to have sex and are a virgin is a recipe for disaster. Sons don't face the same dangers women do. A guy goes out to a bar and gets drunk alone he faces a very different set of dangers than a woman who does this. A woman who does this is in much more danger of every kind including rape. that is just reality not slut shaming. Same goes for dressing sexy. A double standard should exist as we're not talking about the same thing... so it's not really a double standard. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 But if a son sleeps around he would be patted on the back and encouraged. I doubt my younger brother will get screamed at when he sleeps over at a girls house for the first time. Also on shows like Teen Mom but also real life the teen mums are always judged. Why isn't a teen dad also a slut and/ a whore? Girls don't get themselves pregnant. Complete double standard. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Teen moms on that particular show should be judged, screamed at and called a slut very often. This particular method of cultural shaming [that many women of today feel is unwanted] is an active deterrent against what shows like Teen Moms manage to achieve ... glorifying getting pregnant at 14. Off-course moderation in everything is mandatory, being told at 19 that you are a 'slut' for sleeping over at a guy's house will undoubtedly raise some eyebrows; to me something similar happened at 18, and i'm a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 The world has become to PC. Men and women are different in many ways. It wasn't right for any one to be mean to you but certain realities do exist. You sleeping over at a guys house when you don't intend to have sex and are a virgin is a recipe for disaster. Sons don't face the same dangers women do. A guy goes out to a bar and gets drunk alone he faces a very different set of dangers than a woman who does this. A woman who does this is in much more danger of every kind including rape. that is just reality not slut shaming. Same goes for dressing sexy. A double standard should exist as we're not talking about the same thing... so it's not really a double standard. Different set of dangers, but not any less so. Fatal bar brawls, STDs, slapped with rape accusations, impregnating a girl and having to pay child support, drunk driving, the list goes on. Men are generally more aggressive under the influence of excessive alcohol and are far more likely to commit acts that will land them in jail at that point, compared to women. Besides, parents should not be considering only the safety and well-being of their child (although trust me, a 18 yo getting drunk alone is generally NOT safe, regardless of gender), but also the impact their child is having on others' lives. I'm not saying that 18 year old girls should be encouraged to go around and have sex with everyone they please. I'm saying that any wise parent will exercise good and reasonable measures (screaming at her was not reasonable or productive) to deter their children of both sexes from irresponsible behaviour. TL;DR: I think your parents are handling this in an entirely wrong manner, OP, especially if they do pat your underage brother on the back if they find out he's been sleeping around a lot. That doesn't mean that you made a very wise decision in sleeping over at a random guy's house at 19. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Look a guy really can't be slut shamed in the same way a girl can even if you start saying the same stuff. You sleep with too many girls, you dress to revealing. I mean a guy just isn't going to feel the shame for the most part. The double standard exists with in reality. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I'm responding to your comment that 'sons don't face the same danger that women do' and that parents should be okay with a son going out and getting piss drunk alone but not a daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Why is this in the Parenting section? Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 For reasons which are total mysteries to me, it's considered cool for a son to be promiscuous---until he's determined to be the father of some girl's baby. The winning streak stops when the guy gets caught. The double standard I want to know about is... why is it ok for kindergarteners to get it on with each other, but anyone over 18 who gets it on with anyone under 18 is a sick pervert who's an even greater danger to society than an al-Qaeda terrorist??? If that isn't hypocritical, I don't know what is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 What I mean is I got screamed and vetbally abused in the face, yet other parents had no problem with their daughters doing the same. They even let their daughters bf stay over. Link to post Share on other sites
Negative Nancy Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Yeah, I don't get the prudish double standard either but supposedly it's something to do with the fact that a lock that can be opened by many keys is a ***** lock, whereas a key that opens many locks is considered a master key... Get the lame analogy....yeah, me neither. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 What I mean is I got screamed and vetbally abused in the face, yet other parents had no problem with their daughters doing the same. They even let their daughters bf stay over. Well you titled this thing "why don't sons get slut shamed" so that kind of set the focus. I don't know why your parents did what they did. I'm sorry it happened try to forgive and forget for yourself. Also you don't have to associate with your family if they are dicks to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Seductive Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 The first time I slept over at a guys house in my late teens- 19, I got screamed at. Got called a slut and a whore which I'm not remotely. I didn't even have sex with the guy because I was a virgin and too nervous. The guy put tons of pressure on me. Why do patents never call their sons sluts for doing the same? Your parents did this? Sorry to hear that. If I remember you, you had very controlling parents. Controlling parents can say hurtful things and are worried about their reputation. If I were you, I wouldn't listen to them and decide how I am going to view my sexuality. Women that have sex aren't whores. There's a difference between being sexual and sleeping around irresponsibly. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 My parents enjoyed slut shaming me, even when I had not been promiscuous. I was accused of sleeping with every man I met, just because I dated around like a normal single young person. My brothers were encouraged to date and sleep with many women, but my parents lived in the dark ages so they believed in different rules for daughters and sons. I was also slut shamed by my father when I moved in with my husband before marriage, despite the fact that my parents shacked up before marriage. It just got worse and worse until I left home because I was tired of the verbal abuse among other things. My parents were stifling me too much and I was tired of all the sexist BS they tried to force on me. Enlightened and educated parents try their best not to be sexist. My parents kept telling me to leave if I didn't like the rules, so I took them up on that. They were beside themselves when I left home, but I couldn't breathe in that environment. Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Honestly i find when a person shamin a woman for havin sex they are usually not someone whose approval i care for. I remember one of my friends stated Robin from how i met your mother was a slut because she sleeps with many guys on the show. I informed him that Barney one of the male characters sleeps with a lot of women so if Robin is a slut so is he. I mean i am sorry men but as more women gain independence they will see no woman of true quality wil want a man who sleeps around with anythin that moves I know I wouldnt touch Barney with a ten foot pole....its a double standard that i think as women become more powerful that is slowly going away....real slow but still. I mean seriously now people live in larger areas where everyone doesnt know everyone else so you have less risk of dudes getting toether comparing notes..most slut shaming i hear about are either in the media or in middle/highschool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Myob12345 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Is it ok if I call both men and women sluts? Just curious if women actually get all butthurt over the fact that they think men aren't judged for being "sexually free", or if it's more the fact that people are implying slutty women are gross in general. And I'm talking actual "slutty" behavior (all over men- even the taken ones- all the time, random hookups when single, revealing clothing) not like, having sex with your boyfriend before marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Why do parents never call their sons sluts for doing the same? You evidently didn't grow up in a Catholic family Link to post Share on other sites
Seductive Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 Is it ok if I call both men and women sluts? Just curious if women actually get all butthurt over the fact that they think men aren't judged for being "sexually free", or if it's more the fact that people are implying slutty women are gross in general. And I'm talking actual "slutty" behavior (all over men- even the taken ones- all the time, random hookups when single, revealing clothing) not like, having sex with your boyfriend before marriage. It's amazing how the word "slutty" is so subjective. I used to think I was a slut simply because my ex-boyfriends in college told me I was one. They also said how everyone else is gossipping about me. When I finally revealed my sexual past to several people, they laughed and said "That's not slutty. You had pre-marital sex with a few people that you knew very well. Who cares?" Oops! Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Wow that's harsh for a parent to say that to you. I think I wouldn't talk to them for a while had they told me that. Besides you're a virgin. When I was your age, I had sex with my now ex bf at my parents' house...right in my room. I don't regret it. Yeah it didn't work out later on but so what. I don't believe in waiting till marriage and never it. I believe in doing it with the right person and he was at the time. I was ready then. And my number is still at 1 till this day. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted December 19, 2012 Share Posted December 19, 2012 Men are the pursuers and women are the pursued. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 The first time I slept over at a guys house in my late teens- 19, I got screamed at. Got called a slut and a whore which I'm not remotely. I didn't even have sex with the guy because I was a virgin and too nervous. The guy put tons of pressure on me. Why do patents never call their sons sluts for doing the same? If a man behaves as a slut, he does not have many risks. In fact, he has a lot of benefits (biological, social, emotional). Also, the behavior makes his chance to reproduce much higher. In other words, the more a man f...ks the more women might get pregnant. If a woman behaves as a real slut, she has too many serious risks: STDs, infertility, her children with emotional/health problems and her early death. Also, if she is a real slut and she f...cs a lot, she has almost no benefits unless money/her job depends on her ability to be a slut. Link to post Share on other sites
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