annie333 Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Ok...I'd really REALLY appreciate any advice that someone can give me on this one. I have been dating a guy for about a month and he is everything I am looking for except for he is not over his ex. They were engaged and broke up ten months ago. He says he doesn't want to get back together with her (she has a boyfriend now) but that he keeps thinking about her (even though he says he doesn't want to). He says he doesn't want her back and is frustrated that he can't get her out of his head. I really like him and told him to take some alone time to think about things. He says he wants to keep seeing me but that he doesn't want to "HURT ME." If he wasn't such a good guy I would walk away in a heartbeat....Do you think I should continue seeing him or throw him to the wayside. Part of me wants to say goodbye and the other part doesn't want to give up hope. HELP!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Anytime you find yourself saying, he's perfect except, you should be reminding yourself that means he's not perfect. This guy has strong feelings for another woman. That's interfering with his forming an emotional bond with you. If you're looking for casual companionship and sex, keep seeing him. If you're hoping he'll fall in love with you and want to stay together, your timing is off. That's not going to happen until he moves on and heals. You'll be the rebound girl, nothing more. In that case, tell him to look you up if he's ever truly free and move on. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 That is a sticky situation however one that can be fixed easily before you really get hurt here and you will you know. He has strong feelings for his ex and they won't go away. It looks to me like you a "rebound". I feel the best thing you can do is first.................do as you want! regardless to what others may tell you including myself. I like to know why your selfesteem is so low that you even worry about the ex? Why does this even come up in conversation with him? Each time you show concern about this ex, he sees it as you being insecure! FORGET ABOUT THE EX! Look at your relationship with him and most of all look at yourself and what your part in this all is. Have a conversation about it and let him know in a non evil and very loving way how you feel. Be ready to hear something you don't want to hear however at least you know where you stand. Than you make a choice for YOU and get busy with your own life. If he wants to be in a relationship with you, believe me you will know without you having to do anything. And so far as his ex having a bf..................how do you know this 4sure? Think about what is really going on here. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author annie333 Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 Hi Everyone! I really and truly appreciate all of your help and input on my situation!!! You have REALLY REALLY HELPED ME!! I wanted to reply to some questions that were asked. I never bring up his ex in conversation...it is usually him who brings up his ex....he will say," She used to do this or that." At first I didn't mind because when you are with someone for four years I realize that you have done most things with that special person. But, when it continued I told him about it.... Anyway - I've decided that I do not want someone in my life who is obsessed with another woman so I've told him that I don't want to see him anymore until he resolves his feelings for his ex....which will probably not be anytime in the real future unfortunately. It makes me terribly sad but I feel it is my only choice if I am to find healthy relationships. I told him if he resolves this issue in the future to please call me and if I am still single maybe we can get together then! I am proud of myself for doing this because now I can move on but it was a very hard and difficult thing to do. Of course, I am hoping upon hope that I will hear from him again but until then I have decided to keep meeting and dating other people. Any further input is greatly appreciated!! THANKS AGAIN!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Good decision, Annie. You deserve someone who's into YOU. Hope you find him soon! -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
kara Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Hi Annie, I was in a similar situation and I congratulate you for what you've done. Taking another woman/man in an intimate realtionship for two is a serious no-no. Partially the reason you might have wanted to stay with him is to show him and yourself that you're better than the ex and you'll never do the things she did and hurt him. But this kind of a relationship is a dead-end road and you should keep out and fight the temptation to start it again. There are plenty of great and mature guys out there, I wish you all the best! kara Link to post Share on other sites
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