Sex, lies and breakups

[princess75]

This is where I stand...Sex, lies and breakups

 

Ok guys...this is what has happened.

I feel so lucky on one hand cause my ex bf the one I have truly loved came back to me. Did all to conquer me again, and tried his best to make it work. But on the other hand, I had always kept quiet about the fact that this other guy ever existed. The second one, which was just a less than a one month thing. Now, the bad thing is they were people who know each other. So, even though my love did all for me I only thought it was fair for him to know the truth. And I tried to tell him so many times, but he would not listen. We would fight, and then I would feel scared to tell him and would keep quiet. Till yesterday I bluntly told him what happened. That while he was with the other girl, I went with this guy, cause I was feeling miserable. Don't get me wrong, I know what I did was not the best thing to do...now that I see clearly but at that time, I was shattered. And the second guy the only thing he did was help out. He is still a casual friend, and has not ever tried to come back with me or anything which is very respectful. Now my 1st bf, he is my first sex partner ever and I am his 1st too. And what has happened is when I told him about the 2nd one, he just asked me one thing. Did I have sex with him? Unfortunately for him, I had. Only just one time, and this is because I felt that maybe I was not in love with my ex ..but I was actually attached to him Only because he is my 1st one in bed. But I was wrong, I was really in love with him. Well, all mistakes I was not proud of. Although don't get me wrong, I didn't cheat anyone, I was only with the 2nd guy at that time. And the only thing he did was listen to my stories...

Now, my 1st bf ..who I love him deeply. Is totally shattered and mad for what happened. He has told me how could you, and said I loved you cause you were only mine, but now I will NEVER marry you.(This is another issue which he fights for) HE cannot tolerate I have slept with another man in my life besides him. HE tells me he will never trust me again nor any other woman nor man either. Cause the 2nd guy was after all someone I knew due to the 1st one. They had lived together for sometime. This is something I am not proud of either. But hey, it is done.

Now, I wont try to save this relationship but I want to know if I had done something wrong at that time or not ? Cause the only thing I know is I feel guilty...when technically I was single.

Please throw opinions.

Thanks

[daphne]

Hold on a minute there princess. Wasn't he with another girl also? And you ended up seeing the guy because you knew he was with someone else? If that's the case then he has absolutely no reason to gripe. All you did was level the playing field. I personally don't want my ex back because he has screwed around with other people instead of working it out with me. Ugly people to add insult to injury. I reckon I'll let him try to figure out how long it's going to take for him to find someone like me again. A snowball's chance in hell.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong. I know you may feel bad because when you're with your first and you're sensitive, you want it to be the last. But if I read correctly, he made no promises during the break and that was unfair to expect you to sit around and wait for him while he's with some other girl. That's a silly immature macho mentality.

 

I wouldn't let him apply a double standard to the two of you. Unless you like him having his cake and eating it too while you sit around and wait. That's about as fun as nails scratching a chalkboard.

[KaiaMahina]

Princess, you were not "technically" single. You were single, PERIOD. You and he had broken up. That means no longer together. That means no commitment either way. That means no exclusivity.

 

HE had another girlfriend. What do you think he was doing with her? Playing hopscotch? Please!

 

Since when are you supposed to sit around after you break up with someone doing nothing and dating no one? Were you supposed know that you should wait for him to change his mind and come back?

 

You need this guy like you need a hole in the head. To match all the holes in HIS head where apparently his brains have seeped out. Get away from him. He has a nasty, old-fashioned case of male chauvinism and apparently hasn't heard about the turn of the 21st century yet.

 

He's not going to marry you because you're damaged goods from being with another man? Well, what is HE? Why would YOU want to marry a man who's been with another woman? Two can play that game.

 

Find a man who lives on THIS planet in the year 2004. If you stay with him, you'll find yourself being dragged by the hair into his cave like the Neanderthal that he is.