SOSAD Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 I dont have a lot of relattionship experience ,so maybe somebody can give me an opinion please. I dated this girl for about 4 months but i knew her for about a year before we went out.I know this is a short relationship but I truly believe I found the woman I've always wanted ,we had so much in common and had so much fun together.I its been two months since the breaK up ,but i still cant get ove her. She broke up with me the first time because i lied to her to hide something i want proud of( havent paid taxes in 5 years) .She found through a friend that i lied to her about that and she beoke up with me.I was devasted and pissed off at myself for ruining the best thing that has ever happend to me.Anyway we got back together 3 weeks later and everything was good again for two weeks.She went away for the weeeknd and so I exoected her to call me when she got back but she didnt .I waited for a couple of days and she still didnt call,so I called her to see if everythting was ok.She told me everything was good,I asked again ,and again if she was sure because i wanted to know if there was any problems.Then she let it all out,she was upset with me over the tax and lying thing still and jsut doesnt like my morals. She told me the relationship felt "right"in her heart but not in her head. After a couple of weeks were hanging out again as"just friends" for a few weeks.This is where i get confused now when we hung out as "just friends"She would still phone me,still hold my hand ,put her arm around me,sit on my lap and eventually hug me when we would meet up. I told her this was confusing me because I didnt know if we "just friends" or something more.She told me she was no longer interste din me but was just comfortable around me.I did the NC thing for a couple of weeks ,when i initiated conact again she sounded verysadthat she had not talked to me in awhile and told me it was nice to hear from me.I told her i cant be just friends because it hurt too much.That was a month ago,now she is too ncomfortable around me to talk to me. she is seeing someone else now but I know she cares o lot about me.I dont know if i should keep trying to win her back or just move on because she will only hurt me again. i'm a lousy writer--but any opinions would be appreciated thanks Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 It's not just the lying (although that's not good), but also the idea that you are financially irresponsible. For any level-headed woman, that's a BIG red flag. Women look to men for financial support / stability in a potential serious relationship. You didn't pass that test. It's the same thing that would happen if a level-headed woman found out her boyfriend lived with his mom when she thought he owned a house or drove a BMW when he takes the bus. It's not that she's a gold-digger. It's that she wants to believe the guy she's seeing is solid material -- a stable, hardworking, potential provider. How can you be if you just skipped paying taxes for five years in a row? And how can she trust you've changed your loose ways if you go and lie to her about it? I think you've missed out on this one. When she was touching you etc, she was giving in to some of her strong attraction to you. But, she was able to fight it and hold herself back from going further. She's not simply comfortable with you or playing a game. She's having a tough time reconciling who she thought you were and what she wanted with you then with who she now understands you to be and what she believes is sensible. Clean up your act; then, you'll be ready for someone of her good sense. Even if she's very attracted to you, and even cares for you very much, she's not foolish enough to hitch her wagon to your questionable star. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
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