nowwhatnow Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 So i met this guy back in september and we instantly started talking and chillen a lot. but pretty early on he sent me a text saying he really liked me and wanted to kiss me but just got out of a rough relationship at the beginning of the summer and is finally enjoying being single. at that point i wasn't really sure how i felt about anything so i agreed to be friends. fast forward 3 months, and things are intense. we talk everyday, he texts me goodnight most nights, and we hang out like 4 times a week. and i have really started to fall for him. i can tell that he still likes me but i just dont think he is ever going to make a move. for a while i was fine with having this soap opera friendship, and it was nice to have someone always wanna chill with me. but i think i have reached my point where i think not seeing him or talking to him will be easier than having that thought in my head like i am waiting for things to progress. it's tough cuz we have hung out so much that i have taken an interest in his interests and he has in mine. i tried to tell him before i left for the holidays for a month but i couldnt do it. i dont wanna text him because i dont think that would be cool. id rather just talk to him but i have a really hard time expressing my feelings. and every time i see him i change my mind about thinking it would be easier to not see him. help!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I'm not sure what your asking exactly. Are you asking if people agree that you should talk to him? It sounds to me like you know what you have to do. Its really hard to define when it's time to have "the talk". Your already attached I would do it before that attachment gets worse. As for the right time to do it you know him better than anyone else. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 ya i guess you are right. i just have no idea how i am going to bring it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I honestly don't know either... There never seems to be a perfect time for these things. Perhaps try to figure out whats going on in his head about you guys. Maybe he has thrown out hints? Somthing? If a guy wants a seriously relationship with you I have never been in a situation where he didn't iniciate it. He throws hints all over the place and if your like me and avoid them (not wanting a relationship) they start getting huffy puffy. A guy that wants to be with you wants to take you off the market so he knows that your his!! But this guy seems happy with the fact that he is spending so much time with you that you can't be off doing things with anyone else. Beware though.. A guy that has said in anyway that he isn't intrested in a serious relationship probably won't change his mind. With all the time you 2 spend together, there has to be somthing he has hinted at in either direction?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted December 13, 2012 Author Share Posted December 13, 2012 i guess in a way he is really keeping me to himself with all the time we spend together. besides the text he sent me about 4 months ago saying he wasnt ready for anything but he really liked me and wanted to kiss me, he hasn't brought up anything about a relationship. he is, however, not shy at being really flirty all the time. like he will come over and we will just lie on my bed staring at each other and talking for hours. or he will send me texts telling me he's crazy about me and that im adorable. but obviously that doesnt me he wants anything more. it just puzzles me that things get so intense and we hang out every second day, like how does he think that is a normal friendship? cuz i dont treat him like i treat my friends. it will be hard but i think maybe i should just tell him how i feel and also say to him that i understand he doesn't want anything so its best for me if we just not hang out so often. what do you think about that? Link to post Share on other sites
Curiouscody Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 So i met this guy back in september and we instantly started talking and chillen a lot. but pretty early on he sent me a text saying he really liked me and wanted to kiss me but just got out of a rough relationship at the beginning of the summer and is finally enjoying being single. at that point i wasn't really sure how i felt about anything so i agreed to be friends. fast forward 3 months, and things are intense. we talk everyday, he texts me goodnight most nights, and we hang out like 4 times a week. and i have really started to fall for him. i can tell that he still likes me but i just dont think he is ever going to make a move. for a while i was fine with having this soap opera friendship, and it was nice to have someone always wanna chill with me. but i think i have reached my point where i think not seeing him or talking to him will be easier than having that thought in my head like i am waiting for things to progress. it's tough cuz we have hung out so much that i have taken an interest in his interests and he has in mine. i tried to tell him before i left for the holidays for a month but i couldnt do it. i dont wanna text him because i dont think that would be cool. id rather just talk to him but i have a really hard time expressing my feelings. and every time i see him i change my mind about thinking it would be easier to not see him. help!! Sounds like he likes you. No guy just hangs out with a girl unless. However to be perfectly honest, he doesn't seem to have the balls to come forth and just kiss you. Guys who wait to long to initiate a move, either don't like you sexually or try to earn you trust with friendship so that you end up in the predicament your in now. Only they don't seem to realize that this is actually not being truthful and downright manipulative. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted December 13, 2012 Author Share Posted December 13, 2012 @Curiouscody thanks for your advice. but how do you fit the "he likes you...he doesn't seem to have the balls to come forth and just kiss you" part in with the text message he sent me in september saying he doesnt want a relationship? that's what confuses me the most about the whole thing Link to post Share on other sites
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 I didnt remember u saying that and its not in this post.. In that case I hate to break it to you but I would just move on.. When they say that they usually mean it and don't just change their minds.. Especially guys! Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Jimminy Crickets! Why don't you just ask him what is going on?! Stop with the mind games and speculations and....etc. Ask him if you're just friends or is there more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted December 14, 2012 Author Share Posted December 14, 2012 Jimminy Crickets! Why don't you just ask him what is going on?! Stop with the mind games and speculations and....etc. Ask him if you're just friends or is there more. how do i just ask him? like go for coffee and just ask whats going on? or should i tell him how i feel first? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted December 22, 2012 Author Share Posted December 22, 2012 so i told him...and he says he is not ready to commit and still wants to be friends. but even though i thought i wanted to be friends too, i dont know if thats what i want anymore. he still likes me but just isnt ready, and i guess i am just sick of people who are too scared or something. i think that is just not how i want to live my life and it was a really big turn off to hear that. i guess now im going to have to strategically avoid ever hanging out with him... Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Quite frankly, it's very odd that he's taking up most of your time and yet just wants to be friends. I can understand a guy wanting to have female friends because they like them and enjoy their company but don't want a romantic relationship with them, but just one and most of the time? Personally, if it was me, I'd start spending a lot less time with him. He hasn't had chance to miss you yet, plus it's not exciting if a woman is 'chasing' the guy rather than the other way around. Let him miss you; let him do the chasing. (I know you are not 'chasing' him as such, but you know what I mean.) It is bizarre that he should say he's 'crazy about you' and yet behave like he does. Is he gay? He may well be but afraid to say so. He may have some physical deficit that he finds unacceptable and thinks you may too. He may even have some sexual hang-up and becomes defensive whenever women seem interested. I know someone like this and I am pretty sure now that he is at least bisexual. He is basically very confused and flirts when he (says) he wants to be friends. Whatever the reason, this guy is very dependent on you emotionally. Do you want to be in a situation where you are providing for his needs but he isn't interested in meeting yours? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted December 23, 2012 Author Share Posted December 23, 2012 @spiderowl he definitely isnt gay, but i definitely agree with your point about fulfilling him emotionally while my needs are not being met. he has other friends who are girls but he definitely does not spend nearly as much time with them as he does with me. i definitely think you are right that i should spend less time with him. i dont know about the whole missing me thing, but at least it will help me move on. and i still think its weird how he doesnt want anything more but still wants to see me and talk to me everyday. i dont know if i will ever understand. Link to post Share on other sites
lycans Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 maybe he just dont want to get hurt or rejected again. Guys are wierd after thier ego gets bruised. He is without doubt into you just reach out a little and give him the confidence to make the next move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZxExD Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 All I got is, WOW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 maybe he just dont want to get hurt or rejected again. Guys are wierd after thier ego gets bruised. He is without doubt into you just reach out a little and give him the confidence to make the next move. do you really think thats what it is? he said he wanted to talk about when i get back but honestly if he is not ready i don't even really want to be friends with him. it will just be too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
RR1 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Yes Lycans hits the nail on the head, if he's been rejected a few times already he'll be very wary about trying again. Well i think so because that's how i would respond, once you have been rejected a few times you let it go for two reasons: 1. You don't want to totally embarass yourself by keep asking someone who repeatedly says they are not interested in you, after a while you just have to accept the message you are being told and move on; 2. Guys to have to be pretty careful nowadays, no guy wants to get a reputation for making a nuisance of themselves by pestering someone who's told them they ain't interested. I think this is how most guys would respond. If you are serious about wanting to pursue anything further you would probably have to sit down face-to-face and and have a chat were you make things pretty clear about what you are looking for, i think if you did that then at least you would get some pretty straight answers from him and he would get some from you and then you would both be in a better position to decide how to proceed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 ah, thank you so much. that is very interesting. i never thought that he could be trying to protect himself - at least that would explain why we hang out and talk so much but he doesn't want to commit or lose me as a friend. i would be shocked if he wasnt into me at all considering the amount of time we spend together. i don't want to give him an ultimatum of moving further or not seeing me at all, but i do think if we do talk about it face to face and he still does not want me enough to try, then i will need time away from him to move forward. its hard, but i think this conversation might end with us not seeing each other anymore. he has mentioned in passing that he has trust issues and that his last relationship did not end well, but i dont know anything further than that. i just wish he would give me the chance to show him i was different. my last relationship of 2 years actually ended quite horribly as well - and i was in a very bad place for a long time. i guess i figured if i like him enough to try, and he doesn't like me enough to, than there is nothing more i can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nowwhatnow Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 while i still haven't spoken to him yet, i just know that he is not interested in a relationship, but i keep having these weird dreams where he tells me he wants to date me. i guess this is my subconscious telling me what i really want...even though i know i cant have it. i guess this means i shouldn't seem him as friends either:( Link to post Share on other sites
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