What happens when you go NC?

[Adamgem]

Just curious what happens when you go NC. Does the AP typically leave you alone, contantly call/text, give up or become nasty?

 

I would like to know what typically happens? Is it better to change your number or it there any point if you know he can always find you - no matter where you go or what you do.....

Edited December 9, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mount]

Seriously - I think you have more experience than all of us here, just depends on what you choose to do, or NOT DO.

 

Either go back to affair, or go out of affair. Come on, we are TOO OLD for game (push/pull), we are really too old for that.

 

Very simple.

[Adamgem]

Actually I have no experience in this area. I have no idea why you think this? You seem to be attacking me instead of asking the questions I had asked. What is the point of that?

[Mount]

Seriously, if you MM goes after you, you say he is stalking; if he is avoiding you, you miss him terribly, heartbroken...etc etc.

 

You should know what to do. In this world, no one forces us doing anything, we all walk on the path we choose to follow.

 

Actually I have no experience in this area. I have no idea why you think this? You seem to be attacking me instead of asking the questions I had asked. What is the point of that?

[Adamgem]

Seriously, if you MM goes after you, you say he is stalking; if he is avoiding you, you miss him terribly, heartbroken...etc etc.

 

You should know what to do. In this world, no one forces us doing anything, we all walk on the path we choose to follow.

 

I do not think you are being serious or kind. I do not understand what you are trying to say.

[Adamgem]

I get what Mount is saying...

 

Either embrace the affair or end the affair.

 

You seem to go back and forth - from not wanting him to know where you are ad then going on vacation with him.

 

I went on holiday with him to see what he had to say... Many people have long relationships where things are not perfect. They forgive. I do not know what is ok and what is not. I am too brutal sometimes and too kind other times.

 

I have not made up my mind yet what I am going to do. Telling me to just embrace it or end it does not help. It is not an affair. It was/is a relationship. His ex keeps making threats. I know he is not telling lies about this.

 

I come on here for help and to hear the experiences of others. I do not come here to have people tell me 'do this or do that'.... what is the point of that? I do not think it was a nice or helpful post made by Mount.

 

Thank you for you input.

[Mount]

See, you have got answer for the question you asked.

 

YOu don't know what choice you are going to make, do you expect other people would know.

 

It is an affair, simple is that. Just admitted it then, then make a choice what you are going to do with it. Embrace it or get out of the affair. And that is fine that you say you are going to continue, no one will blame you.

 

You are walking on the path you want its conquence happening on you.

 

I went on holiday with him to see what he had to say... Many people have long relationships where things are not perfect. They forgive. I do not know what is ok and what is not. I am too brutal sometimes and too kind other times.

 

I have not made up my mind yet what I am going to do. Telling me to just embrace it or end it does not help. It is not an affair. It was/is a relationship. His ex keeps making threats. I know he is not telling lies about this.

 

I come on here for help and to hear the experiences of others. I do not come here to have people tell me 'do this or do that'.... what is the point of that? I do not think it was a nice or helpful post made by Mount.

 

Thank you for you input.

[whichwayisup]

Just curious what happens when you go NC. Does the AP typically leave you alone, contantly call/text, give up or become nasty?

 

I would like to know what typically happens? Is it better to change your number or it there any point if you know he can always find you - no matter where you go or what you do.....

 

Are you concerned he's going to go stalkerish on you if you choose to go full on NC?

 

Each person is different and it also depends on how they feel about NC or not. Some reach out because they truly miss the AP and want to talk to him, some for ego feeds, addiction and feeling that loss.. Some stick to NC and respect the AP's desire to be in NC so they stay away. Some don't care and only think of themselves.

 

I say if you want to do NC, tell him goodbye and just do it. For your own sake and your own reasons. You don't owe him a song and dance, just say goodbye and ask him to please respect your decision and to leave you alone.

[Mount]

The OP said she DOES NOT KNOW what she wants.

 

I would suggest OP says - either "I wants the affair to continue with MM", or the OP can say "I wants the affair with MM to be ended".

 

That is very simple. Then action follows.

 

Then what do you want? Do you want everyone to tell you to continue to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Do you want everyone to tell you it will get better?

 

You started posting here about how afraid of him you were - how you had to sneak out and didn't want him knowing where you were and then bam.... you went on vacation with him. You didn't need a vacation with him to talk to him. You chose to get back involved with him. Don't blame his ex - he chooses to respond to her, he chooses to spend the night at her house, he chooses to continue to be in her life. You can't MAKE him stop.

 

You can accept the lack of boundaries he has with her or not. It IS your choice and it is better than standing in a circle twirling around.

[Adamgem]

I asked what typically happens when you go NC. If I wanted other people to tell me to stay or leave the relationship - I would have asked that question. I REALLY do not understand either one of your comments...... ??? Why are you talking about something I never mentioned!!

[Adamgem]

You are entitled to think what you like. But again. Where did I say I was being stalked? What is it with people on this board.... can they not read what I wrote or is there something wrong with my English?

 

I am no victim. Yes. That is true. I chose not to be a victim. I also said, on a number of previous posts, that he owed me a lot of money and I was not able to let that go.

 

I left and was very proud of myself. Had I not moved all my things out then - I would still be there. I am not. I decided to keep contact until I got what is mine. I believe I can do this without any harm coming my way - otherwise I wouldn't do it.

 

I asked posters on this board - what happens when they go NC? What is the typical reaction. I do not seem to know how to word this in a way that people understand. Maybe there is something wrong with my communication skills.

[Adamgem]

I am not playing games. I do not understand why I am being attacked. I just ask questions. What on earth?

 

I am helping myself. I moved away. I am trying to get MY money back. I am doing what I can for myself. What are you talking about?

 

I do not come here to be attacked or play games. I really do not seem to know how to make myself better understood.

 

I am very alone as I am away from my friends again. I come here for support not to be attacked. Thank you very much. Maybe I shouldn't bother with this board anymore.

[Adamgem]

I have had enough of the attacks. I have NO idea what you are talking about - I have found LS a great source of support and help in the past. I really do not understand why you are attacking me?

 

What is the purpose of attacking me? What do you get from that? I only come here when I need answers or support. Does it make you feel good to attack someone when they are at their most vulnerable??

 

I will not post here again. It looks like people are not as nice or supportive as I had thought.