secretgirl Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 After almost 4 years. I am sad all the time, and this isn't good for me. So I'm trying to be strong, but I'm not doing so well. I have a bottle of wine, and some pills. I honestly don't know how I am going to survive this, or if I will ever be happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflybutterfly Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 After almost 4 years. I am sad all the time, and this isn't good for me. So I'm trying to be strong, but I'm not doing so well. I have a bottle of wine, and some pills. I honestly don't know how I am going to survive this, or if I will ever be happy again. Please don't do anything drastic. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Put the pills away, flush them down the toilet and don't drink the bottle of wine. Call a friend that you trust and have her come spend the weekend with you, or at least overnight, tonight. You shouldn't be alone right now. It hurts and I'm sorry you're in pain..But you've been on that affair rollercoaster of continious pain for a long time now. This pain you're feeling now is final and things can only get better as time goes on. You'll hurt and cry, feel like crap for a few weeks, but I promise you, you'll have some good days in between. It may take time but you'll survive this and come out much stronger and wiser. Ending it is setting you free. Free of the being the OW and that the bad feelings it brings into your life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 You lived most of your life without him. You will live the rest without him. Some people are not meant to stay. Switch to icecream, or boil some tea. He's not worth it, trust us. The single best thing for me out of it was that I barely ate, and when I did I ate healthy. You need to protect yourself, he did enough damage. If things get really bad, please reach out to someone. No man is worth more than temporary heartbreak. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Agree. Pls lighten up, think about the 4 years just an experience you had, now you are going to have different experience. You lived most of your life without him. You will live the rest without him. Some people are not meant to stay. Switch to icecream, or boil some tea. He's not worth it, trust us. The single best thing for me out of it was that I barely ate, and when I did I ate healthy. You need to protect yourself, he did enough damage. If things get really bad, please reach out to someone. No man is worth more than temporary heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 No man is worth more than temporary heartbreak. Words to live by!! Yes you will survive this, and yes you will be happy again. What you're going through is temporary, as overwhelming as it seems right now. Tomorrow is a new day, and the sun will rise again... and so will you. Please hang in there and never never never give up - never!!! Hugs and prayers to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 Yes, there have lots of other men out there.:laugh: He's just a man. And you WILL survive this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretgirl Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 Thank you guys. I think my friends are tired of my chronic sadness, and I've lost some due to the affair. I lost my job as well. I feel very much alone. I do have a lovely family that needs me, but I am in the depths of despair. I'm trying so hard to be strong. I am. I just can't stop crying long enough to help myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretgirl Posted December 7, 2012 Author Share Posted December 7, 2012 For the record I have never been this messed-up over a man before, and I'm not that young. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 Secretgirl, as someone who has felt hurt because of love and at times felt life would or could never be the same, I can say that it does, one step at a time. I spent 3 weeks surviving on gin, cigarettes and pain and at the end the pain was still there. It will improve, it will be hard, but there will and can be a bright future for you. Mourn, grieve, howl at the moon, but also live, learn how to begin a life without him in it, fill your days and nights. Celebrate the good times, you are in charge of your future have a plan and move forward. There will be OW/OM who have gone through this, as someone who has felt hurt because of love I can relate and just wanted to say Take Care of you, I hope you find peace and I hope you come here often to share and be supported xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretgirl Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 My husband is the one who is actually here for me. I'm sad and upset and he has no idea why. I am a horrible person. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 Maybe it's time to come clean with him. He knows obviously something is wrong and I doubt very much he's going to be shocked hearing the truth. You've hit the bottom and now there's no where to go, but UP. That's a good thing. (Up, not that you've reached the bottom) Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 No you are NOT a horrible person and you must stop thinking that. You must! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise because it is not true. I was in the same place you are, for the same reason. You need to go see your GP or someone who can prescribe you some antidepressants. That is your first step. Please believe me not just because I was where you are, but also because I am a physician. These medications can and WILL help. Will you trust me on that and will you promise you will do this? I would not tell you this if I did not genuinely believe this could help you. What are the pills you referred to? (name) Lock them up or better yet, get rid of them. Find the strength to pour the bottle of wine down the drain. Just do it - don't think about it. You feel like the world is ending now but I promise you, IT IS NOT. You don't even have to believe me right now. But trust me enough to see your doctor. Please. The first thing to do is stop feeling guilty right now because you are not a terrible person. You have people in your life who need you to function and for them, if not for yourself, see someone and get help. Will you trust me on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I'm sorry but I do not agree that now is the time for you to worry about "coming clean" to him. Right now you need to worry about your health and be able to function. One thing at a time, and the most important thing FIRST and that is your health and well being. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 (edited) Can you leave her alone to stabilize before pushing the coming clean agenda? It's not about healing for her, it's about surviving. She's obviously in a very bad place and the last thing she needs is adding to the insanity of it by coming clean now. Edited December 8, 2012 by cutedragon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I disagree. Coming clean can help her heal. She'll no longer have this secret hanging over her head and she will be better able to move on. When my husband finally came clean with the entire truth, he was able to start the healing process. I did not say she shouldn't "come clean". I said she should worry about her health, both emotional and physical, before worrying about absolutely anything else. First things first. That is just a no-brainer. The rest of the stuff can come later, but healing comes in steps and THE FIRST THING is to be at least physically able to function. Without that, nothing else is important. Nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I agree. But, for her own sake and healing I hope she chooses to, at some point, unload the guilt. I do too. Right now I just want her to survive, because I remember too well the feeling of wanting to die and not being able to function at all. It will pass, OP, but you need to get help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 For the record, coming clean can often help those who are in such a bad place. It's not for you or I to say what is best for her. I'm merely giving suggestions and hope she does what is best for HER. This is very true, and a great point. There is a strong physiologic basis for clinical depression... it is frequently triggered by life events like this... it isn't treatable with anything but medications. They can do wonders. She sounded to me very much like she is there. So that was my basis - deal with the health issues first and the rest later. But you are correct - no one can know what is best for anyone else in this setting. We can only offer as much support as possible in our own ways. We don't have much to go on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 You be the one to cut him out completely! Take charge of YOUR life! Take some of YOUR power back that you keep handing to the OM! Begin by being honest with your husband! Link to post Share on other sites
Tenacity Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I remember those feelings, as well, and that is why I am offering my point of view. No matter what route she chooses, I just want her to know she will be ok. I totally agree. Thank you. Those feelings are the worst, but they don't last forever and it's so hard to see that when at a low point. At least it was for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 Knock it off, ok? I'm trying to help and feel nothing but compassion so back off. Excuse me? You don't offer the person on the edge options. The only option is to pull her away from the edge. It is irresponsible to push her to confess now. You have no idea how her h will respond. I don't care about the political correctness of "oh nobody can say". There's no surprise of the result when you give a bag of candy to a diabetic child. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 This is very true, and a great point. There is a strong physiologic basis for clinical depression... it is frequently triggered by life events like this... it isn't treatable with anything but medications. They can do wonders. She sounded to me very much like she is there. So that was my basis - deal with the health issues first and the rest later. But you are correct - no one can know what is best for anyone else in this setting. We can only offer as much support as possible in our own ways. We don't have much to go on. Ten - Medication is NOT the ONLY option that brings results! Please post accurate info - especially for such a critical situation. For some - medicating them brings results that makes them nearly comatose... And/or UNABLE to feel what they need to feel to get past the pain! She needs counseling - and immediately! An expert needs to help her in real life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 Peace be with you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretgirl Posted December 8, 2012 Author Share Posted December 8, 2012 I told my husband. Last week. In my descent into alcolism... I told him I was having an affair. He asked who. I told him. The next day I said it was just emotional. I'm not sure my husband really cares. Unless the house isn't clean and I'm not fit. We never vowed fidelity. He is very nice to me though.... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 8, 2012 Share Posted December 8, 2012 I told my husband. Last week. In my descent into alcolism... I told him I was having an affair. He asked who. I told him. The next day I said it was just emotional. I'm not sure my husband really cares. Unless the house isn't clean and I'm not fit. We never vowed fidelity. He is very nice to me though.... So if you never vowed fidelity - then why wouldn't you tell him you've had sex with the neighbor? Get honest! And the drinking will definitely make you depressed and unpredictable. Can you stop drinking? Link to post Share on other sites
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