I think we are breaking up

[Tenacity]

Ten -

 

Medication is NOT the ONLY option that brings results!

 

Please post accurate info - especially for such a critical situation.

 

For some - medicating them brings results that makes them nearly comatose... And/or UNABLE to feel what they need to feel to get past the pain!

 

She needs counseling - and immediately! An expert needs to help her in real life.

 

Please don't tell me that I don't post "accurate info". I did not make a diagnosis - I told her to see her GP and that I genuinely believe meds could help her.

 

Medications and treatment of diseases are my career 2sunny. I offered my opinion and it's based on a lot of training and experience, but yes, it's just my opinion.

 

SSRI's don't make people "comatose", and they are what are typically prescribed for people who are clinically depressed. What you are describing was the situation decades ago, not now. Please do some research on this before you make statement such as above.

 

I don't disagree that she needs counseling. I asked her to get help. Please stop criticizing me for offering my opinion just because it differs from yours.

[Tenacity]

I told my husband. Last week. In my descent into alcolism... I told him I was having an affair. He asked who. I told him. The next day I said it was just emotional. I'm not sure my husband really cares. Unless the house isn't clean and I'm not fit. We never vowed fidelity. He is very nice to me though....

 

How much are you drinking? You don't have to answer. I was just curious if it's a lot more than before this A.

 

You have a lot of work to do but you will be happy again. Don't give up.

[secretgirl]

If I didn't have children I would just be somewhere very far away. I am a world traveller. It's better than taking lots of pills. But I'm stuck now.

 

God, my heart hurts.

Edited December 8, 2012 by secretgirl

[secretgirl]

Ok. I don't need to be right. I just really really want to stop feeling so bad.

[secretgirl]

I've watched MM become so successful while I've lost the best job I've ever had. Good for him right? He was smart to not let an EMA **** up everything. I on the other hand am an idiot.

[veryhappy]

Secretgirl, it wasn't meant to you to stop bickering. It was for the other posters arguing on what's the best advice for you.

 

Can you go spend a few days with a friend? Do you have a place where you'd feel better? Do you have a therapist?

 

You will feel less bad. You just need to keep pushing though the pain. It always gets better eventually, as hopeless as it seems now.

Edited December 8, 2012 by cutedragon

[2sunny]

I've watched MM become so successful while I've lost the best job I've ever had. Good for him right? He was smart to not let an EMA **** up everything. I on the other hand am an idiot.

 

What brought this on? Did something happen at work that got you fired?

[Tenacity]

No you are not an idiot...you are a woman in pain and are also very confused. Everything will be ok.

 

Do you have a therapist? If not, that would be my first suggestion,along with Tenacity's advice to see your doctor regarding anti depressants. They have literally been a lifesaver for me. Talk therapy and medications should be a team and you can give your doctor and therapist permission to speak with one another so they can form a treatment plan that addresses your needs.

 

You'll be ok if you just take it a minute at a time. Soon you'll be up to 10 minutes and then an hour and then an entire day. Baby steps. Hugs to you.

 

This is a much better post - putting it all together - than I could have written. I could not agree more.

 

I agree with a minute at a time. Whatever it takes to get through a day.

[Tenacity]

I've watched MM become so successful while I've lost the best job I've ever had. Good for him right? He was smart to not let an EMA **** up everything. I on the other hand am an idiot.

 

Here is a good place to talk about it if you feel that you lost your job because of the A.

 

It may feel like it now, but it's still just a job and you will move past this. Please don't beat yourself up.

[whichwayisup]

I told my husband. Last week. In my descent into alcolism... I told him I was having an affair. He asked who. I told him. The next day I said it was just emotional. I'm not sure my husband really cares. Unless the house isn't clean and I'm not fit. We never vowed fidelity. He is very nice to me though....

 

He does care. He's just probably in shock and not sure how to handle this. Continue talking to him. Don't go at this alone..And DO seek one on one counseling, you need it.

[seren]

Secretgirl, please learn how to forgive yourself and more importantly, to like and love yourself. I know that right now you may just want to curl into a ball and stay there and there is some healing in taking time to absorb all the pain, but while thinking about what was, try to think about what can be. Any relationship that ends is painful, but the pain does lessen, I promise it does, it does take time, introspection and allowing yourself to learn from it. But first you have to be in a place where you feel you are good enough for a good life, I suspect right now, you aren't even half way there.

 

My H had an A, but he is a good, kind person, it doesn't make him evil, not worthy of being happy and if he should feel he isn't entitled to a happy life, I would despair.

 

What makes you most unhappy right now? Is it mourning your relationship with the MM? or that you and your H are at stalemate and not addressing your marriage and where you are at? You will get another job, just not right now, take charge of you and your situation, slowly, but firmly, a bit at a time. meds can help reactive depression, but if you are mixing them with alcohol, not so. Talking always helps, it might not be out loud, but there are some truly compassionate people on this forum who will understand. Pour it out, rant, rail, howl at the moon, but write. Take care Secretgirl xx

 

I hope readers don't even think bashing is in order, relate to the pain and not the act or cause.

[BrokenPrincess]

Secretgirl, please hang in there. It really will get better. This is the worst part, but YOU WILL MAKE IT. I sobbed for days that first week. At the airport, in the grocery store, I didn't care because I felt dead inside from the depth of my grief. In 3 days, I ate one apple. I couldn't sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time. And I had to work, be a mom and a wife. I saw a doctor and got some antidepressants, despite sobbing in the office from shame and despair at what my life had become. I had to find the strength to get myself right (or at least just functioning) again. And you will do it too.

 

Try to take better care of yourself than I did. Post here as much as you want. Even if its just rambling, let yourself have an outlet. A lot of us have been in your shoes and understand how low and desperate you feel right now. But again, it WILL get better. You will find a new job. You will feel happy again. It's not as far away as it seems right now.

[Artie Lang]

SG, while i lament your pain, i don't understand why you'd trickle-truth your husband. i mean, i get that you don't want to "come out" with everything just yet, but you've just made it that much more harder for yourself. you should've just waited to tell him EVERYTHING.

 

 

i also noticed his passive response to this revelation. IDK if it's because he doesn't know the true nature of the affair(PA as well as EA), or he really isn't into the marriage. if this has been his attitude toward you throughout your marriage, you need a change of scenery. although it doesn't excuse your actions, i can see how you turned away from him.....emotionally speaking.

 

 

i seriously don't understand your "never vowed fidelity" comment. your vows run contrary to that- you did make a vow.

 

 

He was smart to not let an EMA **** up everything. I on the other hand am an idiot.

 

yes he was. most OM are in this respect.

Edited December 8, 2012 by Artie Lang

[secretgirl]

Thank you for asking, bringontherain, and your support and advice yesterday.

 

I'm not doing so well. But I'm here, so that is good.

 

I sent him mean, horrible texts last night, so I've basically ruined every happy memory and replaced them with bitterness and pain. The good news was that I was so angry my heart felt strong. The bad news is that he actuallty is a sweet, caring person today I'm more angry at myself, which just tends to mean more sadness.

[seren]

Anger is one of the first stages of grief and loss, it passes. In time, no matter what you do, you will be able to take out your memories of your relationship and cherish happy times. Anger is better than feeling nothing, you will yo yo between pain, anger and possibly bitterness, although it is not a word that I like to use as it implies you are feeling something you shouldn't. Just be kind to yourself. x

[secretgirl]

He hates me now. :'(

 

Maybe it's for the best-- our families weren't destroyed. I just wish it didn't have to end like this.

[whichwayisup]

He doesn't hate you, he's just hurting and angry. He'll get over it, in time, just like you will.

 

Affairs are messy and not all end well. And yes, better things go this way. The fallout could have been much much worse...you both could your spouses, family, in laws, some friends, a whole life as you know it - GONE. For what? An affair where neither of you never really intended on leaving your spouses..

 

Try to be good to yourself. Take a hot bath and do 10-20 minutes of yoga and deep breathing. Tomorrow go pamper yourself. Call a friend, go shopping or book an hour or two at a spa to get a massage.

[Artie Lang]

there hasn't been any "fallout" yet. only trickle-truth.

 

i'm sure there's more to follow - in terms of fallout - as soon as her husband knows the WHOLE truth.

[frozensprouts]

do you have anyone you can talk to "in real life" bout how you are feeling and who will be able to be there for you right now?

 

if nothing else seems to help, call a local helpline and talk things through with them...

 

i know it's hurts right now, and it's hard to see past that, but the way you feel right now won't be the way you feel next week, next month or next year...get through each day, and each day, you'll feel a little bit better...