An update with some uncommon knowledge

[PelicanPete]

Dear heartbroken posters

 

I was once in the same situation as you were. Around this time, almost two years ago now, I was heartbroken over losing my first real love. We were together for 5 years. We were suppose to get married, yet she ended up cheating on me and leaving me for another guy. I remember being devastated. I invested so much of myself in that relationship that I lost a large portion of my self identity. This of course was a huge mistake that crept up on me, and before you know it I felt I had nothing to show for myself.

 

I pined for her for weeks, then it evolved into defeat, then from rock bottom I decided to rebuild who I was and start fresh. I realized if I was able to lose who I was, I must not have seen myself as very valuable in the first place.

 

It's now as I said, almost two years later. Things are so different for me now. I spent a year of complete self exploration and development, and eventually found myself in a new healthy and romantic relationship with a wonderful woman. We compliment each other well, we build each other up, and most importantly we respect each other. We're moving in together in a weeks time, and even though it is early, it feels right.

 

I did not picture my life would be like this two years ago. It was a long journey to reach this point. I'm sure many of you have heard the saying "time heals all wounds", but let me tell you that time is not the healer. I guess I want to share some knowledge I wish I knew back when I was in that position, because I understand a large part of your pain is a lack of clarity.

 

Pretend you are a shape - lets say you're a square. Being a square has always worked for you without any trouble. However due to this great loss in your life, you've lost a corner of "who you are". The tunnel ahead can only accommodate a triangular shape, and you're simply one corner too many to proceed. So how do you move on? Of course, you change! You're in so much pain because you're simply trying to still be a square in your newly established triangular life. Being a square doesn't work anymore, you don't fit anywhere! Therefore, you're sad. You can't move on unless you change. Understand this. All the time in the world can pass, but if you're still a square, you're still stuck, and you still won't be able to "move on".

 

Understand that it is a process to truly change. People are so reluctant to change unless they feel they absolutely have to. Be aware of this in yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to let go of an ex. Therefore, if you have to, do everything you can think of to get them back. Write embarrassing letters, meet them for coffee, try coercing their parents, do whatever you need to do to come to the realization that you must change. Once you reach that point, once you understand that you will never truly retrieve what once was, you will have a stable enough foundation to start building what is.

 

Challenge yourself. Set goals. Work on establishing who you are, whether it be taking up a new hobby or changing a personality trait. Reflect on your past until it becomes so boring you don't want to think about it anymore. Apply these principles, and you'll no longer be a square. Hell, you'll probably no longer be a triangle anymore either. To paraphrase some Darwin, life's about adapting. Unless you decide to take some baggage with you (after all, we all have some) the more you change, the further away the past is. Be a person that you are proud of being.

 

Best of luck to yall. Hope this helps someone.