Work colleague pursuing me. Finding it hard to get away.

[2sunny]

First - go DIRECTLY to the gal and tell her point blank that if she doesn't keep EVERYTHING on a professional work level - you WILL take ALL evidence of the inappropriate action to her grandfather immediately!

 

Second - get into counseling with your wife to work on intimacy issues! You should NOT be flirting with other women. That should be saved for your wife! Find out why YOU need that ego stroke so much that you might be willing to risk your job and family!

 

You think flirting is harmless? Work on THAT idea alone! It is harmful! It sends a clear message to others! It makes your M look false!

 

Your Mis in trouble... Andyou and your W need to reconnect!

 

Did you address issues when your W cheated on you? Why did you take her back? What was the reason she said she cheated? What work did she do so that she wouldn't cheat again?

[Mr. Lucky]

First - go DIRECTLY to the gal and tell her point blank that if she doesn't keep EVERYTHING on a professional work level - you WILL take ALL evidence of the inappropriate action to her grandfather immediately!

Lost in all this discussion is that, at age 20, the young girl is supposed to be an idiot. The OP is theoretically the adult...

Did you address issues when your W cheated on you? Why did you take her back? What was the reason she said she cheated? What work did she do so that she wouldn't cheat again?

I also thought it was weird that the OP glossed over what would be a life-altering event for most.

 

mybigdogjoe, at this point you've had an EA (at least!) and your wife's had a PA (with your kids involved), all in the last few years if I'm reading the timeline correctly. Your focus on this girl, her GF, your job, your wife's perception of your job status - all completely small details and totally misdirected. You're literally counting trees while the forest is burning down and you certainly have much bigger issues to address than are contained in your original post...

 

Mr. Lucky

[mybigdogjoe]

Did you address issues when your W cheated on you? Why did you take her back? What was the reason she said she cheated? What work did she do so that she wouldn't cheat again?

 

I really didn't see the cheating as a huge issue. I guess that puts me in a vast minority of people but she was with another woman and it just didn't seem all that bad to me. If she had of asked I most probably would have said yes (to another woman, no way to another man).

 

I was horrified and we had a massive fight over the fact that it wasn't kept private and my daughter had to catch them. That was the major issue to me. I really feel for my daughter having to deal with that.

 

She cheated for attention basically and I cannot deny that at that time I was giving virtually zero attention. I was working 80-100 hours a week for 4 months and although that is no excuse it is a reality of what happened and why it happened.

 

Look I am angry with her for cheating but it's not the sex part that worries me it is the lying and secretness of it all. And to top it off she couldn't even keep it private.

 

She has said it was just an experiment, she needed attention, she would never go to another man, so she tried it with a woman. I believe her when she says that.

[stillafool]

Tell your wife. Tell her every detail. She's adult, and you are supposed to be partners. She is supposed to be the person you talk to about these things.

 

If you can not, what does that say about your marriage?

 

^^^^^This. Maybe after you tell your wife she can help you make it clear to this girl that you have NO INTEREST.

[mybigdogjoe]

Well finally enough was enough and I bit the bullet and had words with the owner last night. It got to a stage where I had no choice because she was never going to give up.

 

Early next year I was going to be going over to Europe with one of our sales team for a show and tell tour, it's an 8 week assignment. I knew unofficially who it was going to be with and was happy to work with her on the project. The official announcement was yesterday and somehow this girl has swindled her way into this gig. There was no way known I was going to spend 8 weeks alone with this psycho. I went and saw the sales manager and he said the direction had come from above. That's when I went and saw her grandfather and set up a meeting.

 

He took me out to dinner for this meeting and I told him that I didn't feel comfortable doing this trip with her and that I think she has a crush on me, that is all I said. I must have opened a door or something because he just started to spill the beans on her and boy oh boy she has some issues. The reason she was bought into the company was to get her away from her modelling life, which apparently turned into nude modelling and a bunch of drugs and then a porn movie scene for some website! Her parents and her grandfather paid a small fortune to buy the rights to this video so that it will never see the light of day.

 

She will be pulled from this trip and the correct person put in her place. He is going to have a word to her and tell her it is inappropriate behavior in a workplace. She is going to be moved into our other office (which is only 15 minutes up the road and where both her parents work) to 'learn' that part of the business. So it looks like I have been saved. Now I just have to find the right words to tell my wife about this. It's not telling her that concerns me so much but rather trying to explain why I hadn't said anything over the last year.

[TaraMaiden]

..... boy oh boy she has some issues. The reason she was bought into the company was to get her away from her modelling life, which apparently turned into nude modelling and a bunch of drugs and then a porn movie scene for some website! Her parents and her grandfather paid a small fortune to buy the rights to this video so that it will never see the light of day.

 

What did I tell you - ?!

 

Originally Posted by TaraMaiden

She may actually be a vulnerable, crazy mixed-up kid. You may have no idea what else has figured in her private life. Is she naturally attracted to older men? What might that say about the romantic influences in her life? Excuse me, but how dare you insinuate that simply because she's acting the vamp, behaving like a tramp - she has no right to have her feelings considered?

[TaraMaiden]

That had crossed my mind too... given that she's only 20, and she's had these experiences...I'm sorry, few red flags a-wavin' here.

[mybigdogjoe]

I am such an idiot, I just want to vent, and then feel free to abuse, I deserve it this time.

 

Everything has been going wonderfully well. Her move happened, I am happier at work (even though it's only been a week). I worked up the courage to tell my wife a version of what has transpired and surprisingly she was supportive of my actions.

 

Today I screwed up big time. Today was our xmas party work breakup. No need to bore you all with details but she was there, mistletoe was there, you can fill in the gap.

 

For one year I have said no to this girl, she's finally starting to get the message and then I blow it all in stupid 10 second kiss. What sort of an idiot am I !!? I was worried all night that she would tell my wife. My wife knew something was wrong and kept asking me, I just made up rubbish.

 

Ok, give me what I deserve.

[standtall]

Self inflicted stupidity.

[TaraMaiden]

The word "Phukkwit" springs to mind.

Jeesh, talk about a young head on old shoulders.

 

Well, either here or at work - you'll deserve what you get.

 

good luck with the job-hunting.

 

Time to move on, don't you think?

[mybigdogjoe]

Well, either here or at work - you'll deserve what you get.

 

good luck with the job-hunting.

 

Time to move on, don't you think?

 

I got an sms in the early hours of this morning. She said that the kiss was a once off and she apologized! Work know nothing of this so there is no issue there with my job.

 

I don't see any reason why my wife needs to know about this. It was after all only a little kiss and while it should never have happened it was only a momentary lapse of judgement. So everything should stay sweet on the home front as well.

 

Guess I got lucky this time. As long as the girl doesn't have a change of heart and start opening her mouth.

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah. You have no idea how fickle young 20-somethings with deep sexual angst-issues and a history of abuse can be....

 

Tch! Kids today, huh?

 

You'd better have some plan B up your sleeve, just in case, anyway.

[Trimmer]

I am such an idiot, I just want to vent, and then feel free to abuse, I deserve it this time.

 

Everything has been going wonderfully well. Her move happened, I am happier at work (even though it's only been a week). I worked up the courage to tell my wife a version of what has transpired and surprisingly she was supportive of my actions.

 

Today I screwed up big time. Today was our xmas party work breakup. No need to bore you all with details but she was there, mistletoe was there, you can fill in the gap.

 

For one year I have said no to this girl, she's finally starting to get the message and then I blow it all in stupid 10 second kiss. What sort of an idiot am I !!? I was worried all night that she would tell my wife. My wife knew something was wrong and kept asking me, I just made up rubbish.

 

Ok, give me what I deserve.

You deserve whatever you get from this. You were so lucky to come up with a 'get out of jail free' card out of your meeting with her grandfather, and you torched it. Yes, in your own words, you are an idiot. Just astounding.

 

Guess I got lucky this time. As long as the girl doesn't have a change of heart and start opening her mouth.

Well, she's been acting so maturely and rationally so far, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about . I'm equally certain your own lack of judgment won't cause you any more problems, either.

Edited December 20, 2012 by Trimmer

[Mr. Lucky]

Well, she's been acting so maturely and rationally so far, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about . I'm equally certain your own lack of judgment won't cause you any more problems, either.

Unfortunately mybigdogjoe, I think this qualifies as sarcasm...

 

Mr. Lucky