Taking down the Emotional Walls

[john7474]

Hello Everyone,

 

 

First, let me begin by stating this does involve a breakup but is not directly related to that. Any comments about why I care, or negative responses are uneccessary, and not wanted. Ok, lets begin....I was in a two year relationship with someone I work with. We have been apart for 6 months now and am dating someone that treats me amazingly, but I also still have much love for my Ex. The person I am in a relationship now is fully aware I have love for my Ex and states she does understand. I have been open and honest with her and it has been a difficult situations for me.

 

A little background on my previous relationship....I work with my ex and we see each other several times a week. It has been a difficult situation and we do talk at work but more as coworkers as it should be instead of being in a relationship. I confess, I do have a deep love still for my ex and wish her more happiness then I have ever wished anyone. Our relationship failed because of communication and she would never emotionally remove her walls from past experiences. You could say she is a synic when it comes to love. I am an optimist and even when I get my heartbroken, I still continue on hoping there is that one true love out there.

 

 

We still talk and I probably know her better then anyone else. I see past all the smiles are fakeness and know who she really is inside. I have approached her about the walls she has up and conveyed to her that the only way to find happiness is to embrace the love someone wants to give her and slowly bring the walls down brick by brick. It is not any easy task i am aware because I have had to do it myself. She never truly opened up to me in the relationship and now that we are out of the relationship, its even worse.

 

 

How do you convince someone to take their walls down and let love in? This is not for my own benefit but hers. I just want her to be happy no matter who she is with. This might sound like codependency to some but I am not dependent on her happiness. For those of you that have been successful, what have you done through experience to begin to take down the bricks you once carried?

[SpiralOut]

I think the best way to help someone like that is to give them space to take down their walls in their own time. As someone with emotional walls, I don't like it when people give me advice that I didn't ask for, or push at me too hard to change. Not saying that you're doing that, but it's easy for someone in her situation to perceive good intentions as pushiness.

 

You ask what do I do to take down my bricks. I am very careful about who I trust. When I sense that someone is safe to talk to, I will start to open up a little bit with that person.

Edited December 9, 2012 by SpiralOut

[Brit]

Natural is best, convincing is imposing. I have become aware and have gradually accepted the fact that I am Asexual, the walls have reached unbreakable measures. Leave the past alone and move on with your life.

[john7474]

I have spoken to her before about it, even recently. I suppose u have a pont that it might seem pushy to her. From my perspective, it seemed like I was only trying to help her and praying she would see how much I care for her and one day embrace it. I am not sure why I care as much as I do. I have only loved one other person in my life like this and it sometimes it tears me apart to see her at work and things just arent the same. I am in my mid 30s and I know how rare it is to love someone like this.

[Brit]

If 2 years have slipped by and the walls are still present, they will remain likely. I can only give advise from my perspective, because of course I do not know the person in which you speak dearly of.