Has anyone felt afraid of being great?

[SpiralOut]

I know I have it in me to be great but for some reason the idea of it terrifies me. I know that I share a ton of information about myself on LS, but in real life I am not like that at all. I am very closed off with big walls in real life. Whenever the walls happen to come down, I am told by people that they like me when I act that way and I should act that way more often. As soon as they say that I shut down again. Or if someone tells me I am funny, it doesn't offend me but I do freak out inside and I'll stop talking.

 

I am okay with getting compliments about my writing or my personal projects, in fact I like that. Still, I get scared when I see that I have potential. For example, I've been approached by website owners asking me to collaborate with them on their sites. I get excited about it, then suddenly find it difficult to do any work. I feel shut down again.

 

Has anyone else felt this way? I don't know what's wrong with me. Here I am trying so hard to gain confidence, yet at the same time I'm scared of admitting that i have good qualities. I mean I understand on an intellectual level that I'm smart and talented and that it's okay to be that way, but I can't seem to truly feel it believe it and feel good about it. How am I supposed to gain confidence when I'm scared to? WTF??

[SpiralOut]

I think I'm worried that if I be my true self that I will be attacked for it.

 

I've faced that reaction before.

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

I know I have it in me to be great but for some reason the idea of it terrifies me. I know that I share a ton of information about myself on LS, but in real life I am not like that at all. I am very closed off with big walls in real life. Whenever the walls happen to come down, I am told by people that they like me when I act that way and I should act that way more often. As soon as they say that I shut down again. Or if someone tells me I am funny, it doesn't offend me but I do freak out inside and I'll stop talking.

 

I am okay with getting compliments about my writing or my personal projects, in fact I like that. Still, I get scared when I see that I have potential. For example, I've been approached by website owners asking me to collaborate with them on their sites. I get excited about it, then suddenly find it difficult to do any work. I feel shut down again.

 

Has anyone else felt this way? I don't know what's wrong with me. Here I am trying so hard to gain confidence, yet at the same time I'm scared of admitting that i have good qualities. I mean I understand on an intellectual level that I'm smart and talented and that it's okay to be that way, but I can't seem to truly feel it believe it and feel good about it. How am I supposed to gain confidence when I'm scared to? WTF??

 

I don't feel scared of success. I feel I have it in me to be great - I assume most do - no, what I fear is failure. If I don't act on my ambitions, I never have to suffer the crushing disappointment of realising I'm just not good enough.

 

Perhaps fear of success and fear of failure are the same thing. The responsibilities success brings versus the hopelessness of failure. Both can be overcome, I suppose.

 

When I first started college I thought I was going to be the next Spielberg. I'd wanted to make films most of my life, and I've watched millions and have ideas and stories and plans, I thought there was no question about it. If I wanted so badly - and I did - what could stop me from getting it.

 

In college I quickly realised I was a droplet in an ocean of dreamers - my class was filled with people just like me. To my horror, a lot of them were much better than me. Suddenly it hit me - dreams don't matter, desire means nothing. Talent, inherent ability, that meant everything. These guys saw things in a way I never have, and the films they made while at college were stunning. Much, much better than anything I was doing. But I progressed, got my qualification and moved onto a higher film school. The guys at this one made the last lot look like a collaboration between Uwe Boll and Ed Wood. I'm convinced some of them will go on to make feature films, you could see it from the start.

 

So I quit. Dropped out. I was so afraid of failing, of being unable to match up to these guys that I couldn't be around them any longer. I feared my dreams would be shattered and I'd live a broken life, since I'd have given up on the one constant dream I've had since childhood. And maybe that's all it will ever be. But as long as I have it, isn't it worth keeping? Why risk ruining it by attempting to realise it?

 

I think fear of success is a better fear than that of failure. I can't remember who said it, or what was the quote was exactly, but it was something like "Do what you fear, and the death of fear is certain." So, in that sense, I'd say if it scares you then it's a good thing, and you should use it to spur you on. Nothing worth having is easy to get, and fear is nothing more than the unknown, so make it known to you, this success, and you'll no longer fear it.

[ooglesnboogles]

UnthoughtKnown, you made a lot of really great points, but I think this is the best:

 

...

 

Why risk ruining it by attempting to realise it?

 

...

 

 

A lot of it is being afraid of finding out you're not as good as you thought you were. I'm a musician, I've experienced this a lot. There are a lot of things I have turned down because I was afraid I'd get there and not be able to live up. I could think of myself as a big fish, but if I swam in the ocean and got dwarfed, I'd lose that self-reputation. Looking back I'm sure I would have done just fine and even if I had sucked it wouldn't have been that big a deal. I also enjoy sound engineering but am very wary of sound engineering for friends or friends of friends because I'm afraid I won't live up to whatever expectations they may have. I'm fairly confident that I will, and if I can't I know how to deal with the situation, but it still causes me lots of anxiety.

 

 

SpiralOut, are you sure you're really afraid of being great? Maybe it's something deeper than that. I hate getting compliments, especially on my music or anything artistic I do. I avoided thinking about it for the longest time but it finally dawned on me that I didn't like those comments because I was being too hard on myself. I knew I was good, but I also knew exactly what wasn't good in my performances. That's something I still struggle with.

[SpiralOut]

 

 

SpiralOut, are you sure you're really afraid of being great? Maybe it's something deeper than that. I hate getting compliments, especially on my music or anything artistic I do. I avoided thinking about it for the longest time but it finally dawned on me that I didn't like those comments because I was being too hard on myself. I knew I was good, but I also knew exactly what wasn't good in my performances. That's something I still struggle with.

 

Maybe I'm afraid that I'm not as great as I think I could be. I have potential, but what if I can't live up to it? What if I try to realize my lifelong dream and fail? I think that's why I've been pursuing other fields of study, why I'm in the career I'm in now. I know it's something I can do because it doesn't require creativity, it's just following rules and using logic. If I fail at it, it doesn't matter that much anyway since I don't care about it.

 

A few people have told me that I'm an artist. I think maybe they are right but it's hard to admit it and I sure as hell don't call myself one. It makes me feel pretentious.

 

Certain compliments make me feel uncomfortable just because I can't believe them. Or, I worry maybe that person is messing with my head.

 

I've also met my fair share of people who don't want you to do well for yourself. I've done things like, for example, baked a batch of cupcakes and I get called snarky comments like "who are you, Martha Stewart?" I just feel like whenever I try and be creative or original I'll get reactions like that. I also lost a bunch of friends over the years as I made improvements to my life; as I felt better and found things that mattered to me I got lots of eyerolling and bitchy comments so I dropped those people. Maybe I'm afraid of what else I'll have to leave behind in order to get ahead.

Edited December 11, 2012 by SpiralOut

[Crusoe]

Spiral, once upon a time I was a very good golfer. Despite my handicap and despite certain people telling me I should be on tour I never quite had the self belief. In amateur competition I would tear courses apart and win for fun but every time I stepped up to compete with the real big boys I would choke. I would step onto the first tee and think " I don't belong here". My oppponents could see the self doubt and would crucify me with it. Once I was far enough behind that I couldn't win, I would then relax and launch into one of my notorious back nine charges but it was always too late to win by then.

 

Anyway, a few months into trying to "make it" my wife died and despite my coach's insistance that I could make the show, I quit. I just didn't believe a street rat, toe-rag like me could be out there playing with the greats, and some of those "greats" let me know that at every opportunity.

 

After that I didn't swing a club for a decade and during that time my arch rival, a fella I used to beat quite regularly, went on to become a proven tour winner and Ryder Cup player.

 

In my early thirties I picked up my sticks again, I didn't expect much as I'd had a few injuries over the years but after a little range work I discovered all the old magic was still there. I decided to start competing again and sure as sh*t, first time I turned up at an exclusive club I had the "I don't belong here" thoughts again. I could see the retired old colonels and admirals scowling at my van in the carpark and the well known players scoffing at my rusty, battered, 25 year old sticks (which were second hand when I bought them 15 years previous) and think to myself "stop kidding yourself Crusoe, this just isn't your world".

 

I stuck with it this time though. Failed, time and time again until I became used to my surroundings. Learnt that there was nothing to fear from losing or looking out of place. Learnt to enjoy the insults and digs from the establishment and learnt how to turn what was once fear into knowledge, undentable self belief and my own aura of snarling unspoken intimidation.

 

Three years later, despite no sponsorship and having to work full time, I qualified for a PGA tourney as an amateur and after a nervy start shot a 67 on the final day to finish 15th, beating my old arch rival in the process. Later I was given a trophy as top amateur and as I was walking back to my seat he announced to everyone in the room that I used to be one of the purest strikers of a golf ball he had ever seen.

 

I drove home that night chuffed to bits. I'd made it, I had finally proven to myself that I was good enough. I got home, walked through the door, switched on the lights, sat the trophy on the kitchen worktop, looked at it and suddenly realised I'd completely f*cking wasted the last 15 years.

 

The next day I called my old coach, a once upon a time great of the game who competed against Hogan, Snead, Nicklaus etc in their prime. He was in his 90's now and we hadn't seen each other in over a decade. I asked him to be honest and tell me just how good I once was. He said, "You were the one, and even now, you still don't fully realise that".

 

I realise it now, though. Now that it's too late. Early forties and those old injuries finally caught up with me. I will never again be able swing a club like I once did and you can't turn back time.....

 

I now play regional amateur stuff with all the other has beens and never quite made it's. We all have a story to tell and in all truth, no matter the reason, it's where we belong. None of us took our chance and did it when it mattered, and that's what makes someone great.

 

Winners, champions and greats know themselves, they trust themselves, they are comfortable with themselves. Nobody can touch them or shake their self belief. They know how they react under pressure and they know how to act when the world is throwing stones at them. That's the hardest part to learn for most people.

 

You've got to learn how to lose before you know how to win. Problem is, you're not even going to lose of you don't expose yourself and try.....

[lino]

It always kind of saddens me to read things like this.

 

Not sure why, maybe it's because I've never been talented enough in anything to make money from it... The only thing I ever displayed any natural talent in was soccer but not in any magnitude great enough to become a professional.

 

Any success I've ever had in anything, financially or otherwise, came from time spent practising and/or studying.

 

I think you should really pursue what you have a gift for, even if people put you down for it. Those aren't real friends anyway if they act so c*ntish and jealously.

 

I'd love to have a chance to be a professional at something I have some talent for, don't waste your chance or you'll possibly regret it for life.

 

 

Spiral, once upon a time I was a very good golfer. Despite my handicap and despite certain people telling me I should be on tour I never quite had the self belief. In amateur competition I would tear courses apart and win for fun but every time I stepped up to compete with the real big boys I would choke. I would step onto the first tee and think " I don't belong here". My oppponents could see the self doubt and would crucify me with it. Once I was far enough behind that I couldn't win, I would then relax and launch into one of my notorious back nine charges but it was always too late to win by then.

 

Anyway, a few months into trying to "make it" my wife died and despite my coach's insistance that I could make the show, I quit. I just didn't believe a street rat, toe-rag like me could be out there playing with the greats, and some of those "greats" let me know that at every opportunity.

 

After that I didn't swing a club for a decade and during that time my arch rival, a fella I used to beat quite regularly, went on to become a proven tour winner and Ryder Cup player.

 

In my early thirties I picked up my sticks again, I didn't expect much as I'd had a few injuries over the years but after a little range work I discovered all the old magic was still there. I decided to start competing again and sure as sh*t, first time I turned up at an exclusive club I had the "I don't belong here" thoughts again. I could see the retired old colonels and admirals scowling at my van in the carpark and the well known players scoffing at my rusty, battered, 25 year old sticks (which were second hand when I bought them 15 years previous) and think to myself "stop kidding yourself Crusoe, this just isn't your world".

 

I stuck with it this time though. Failed, time and time again until I became used to my surroundings. Learnt that there was nothing to fear from losing or looking out of place. Learnt to enjoy the insults and digs from the establishment and learnt how to turn what was once fear into knowledge, undentable self belief and my own aura of snarling unspoken intimidation.

 

Three years later, despite no sponsorship and having to work full time, I qualified for a PGA tourney as an amateur and after a nervy start shot a 67 on the final day to finish 15th, beating my old arch rival in the process. Later I was given a trophy as top amateur and as I was walking back to my seat he announced to everyone in the room that I used to be one of the purest strikers of a golf ball he had ever seen.

 

I drove home that night chuffed to bits. I'd made it, I had finally proven to myself that I was good enough. I got home, walked through the door, switched on the lights, sat the trophy on the kitchen worktop, looked at it and suddenly realised I'd completely f*cking wasted the last 15 years.

 

The next day I called my old coach, a once upon a time great of the game who competed against Hogan, Snead, Nicklaus etc in their prime. He was in his 90's now and we hadn't seen each other in over a decade. I asked him to be honest and tell me just how good I once was. He said, "You were the one, and even now, you still don't fully realise that".

 

I realise it now, though. Now that it's too late. Early forties and those old injuries finally caught up with me. I will never again be able swing a club like I once did and you can't turn back time.....

 

I now play regional amateur stuff with all the other has beens and never quite made it's. We all have a story to tell and in all truth, no matter the reason, it's where we belong. None of us took our chance and did it when it mattered, and that's what makes someone great.

 

Winners, champions and greats know themselves, they trust themselves, they are comfortable with themselves. Nobody can touch them or shake their self belief. They know how they react under pressure and they know how to act when the world is throwing stones at them. That's the hardest part to learn for most people.

 

You've got to learn how to lose before you know how to win. Problem is, you're not even going to lose of you don't expose yourself and try.....

 

 

Great story, thanks for sharing

[Harradin]

I was reading and this came to my mind for some reason:

 

I sort of know how you feel, I hate failure and defeat, but instead of backing away from my fears I always strived to try work even harder so I didn't suffer defeat/failure. And if I did suffer defeat/failure, I went back to see what I did wrong and used it to move on. I don't know whether that helps!

 

But you always have to be true to yourself, and if people don't like it, screw them!

[ThaWholigan]

For years, I have been battling my self-doubt about my abilities, and I have really begun to speculate that it is truly a fear of success.

 

I have been a musician ever since I could talk. I taught myself to read and write at 2 years old, and started composing music on a piano at 3 - believe it or not . I have had many talents over the years, from writing, making music, I was good at maths, had a keen interest in science, and an ability to amass an entire bunker full of information and cram it into my massive head! What I lacked in social savvy, the coherence of a normal person and an assured personality, I made up for in pure ability. As I've gotten older, I've found a much greater balance, but in my abilities, my potential and the expectations of all those who believe in me, I have struggled to reconcile them.

 

Music still presents regular opportunities - resourceful friends, and a large network that includes people in somewhat high places. But I sometimes lose my motivation to compose due to being somewhat fearful about being in the spotlight. I am supposed to be in that spotlight. I feel as though it's there for me to stroll into - everybody has been telling me that ever since I was 8 years old. 16 years later, I no longer am the youthful child prodigy I once was described as, the academic success that was predicted for me was destroyed by my lack of interest in it, and the power that people believe me to wield remains hidden because I'm deathly afraid of just how powerful it is. That does sound dramatic (it does lol) but I've spent years having people feed me the notion that I am/should be a star or somebody important and I still have a problem dealing with that. I actually don't doubt that the ability is there, the potential is there, I have the mind for it, I even have the presence - but where I had the will to overcome the worst of my autism, I sometimes doubt I have the bravery to fully accept the path that has been seemingly laid out for me.

 

I also feared that I would split opinion, or that my rise would come before a huge fall from grace. My objectivity is so finely balanced that I can come across wishy-washy, but the moment I come to a conclusion, I always preempt a contra-argument full of venom. Especially as a rapper, where much of my music was previously of a socio-political nature, and pretty radical to boot.

 

The best way I cope with it all and focus on trying to will myself into aspiring towards the greatness I am supposed to reach, is to focus on what I do. That's why I started practicing piano again, and also started teaching people how to play. I learn more when I teach, strangely. I simply immerse myself in what I do, because I love it, and I take great pride in it, even though I try not to be a perfectionist, I truly am one and I cannot deny that anymore. So I embrace that, and stick to it. I will eventually become comfortable with it all, the more I stick to what I love.

[SpiralOut]

.

 

Winners, champions and greats know themselves, they trust themselves, they are comfortable with themselves. Nobody can touch them or shake their self belief. They know how they react under pressure and they know how to act when the world is throwing stones at them. That's the hardest part to learn for most people.

 

You've got to learn how to lose before you know how to win. Problem is, you're not even going to lose of you don't expose yourself and try.....

 

Thank you for sharing your story.

 

I wonder if this is faith you are talking about. You're right. It is the hardest part, finding it and keeping it.

 

 

I think you should really pursue what you have a gift for, even if people put you down for it. Those aren't real friends anyway if they act so c*ntish and jealously.

 

I'd love to have a chance to be a professional at something I have some talent for, don't waste your chance or you'll possibly regret it for life.

For sure those aren't real friends. It makes me very nervous to share my true goals with anyone for fear of getting that bad reaction. Anyone who acts that way does not belong in my life.

 

Thank you for the kind words.

 

I was reading and this came to my mind for some reason:

 

I sort of know how you feel, I hate failure and defeat, but instead of backing away from my fears I always strived to try work even harder so I didn't suffer defeat/failure. And if I did suffer defeat/failure, I went back to see what I did wrong and used it to move on. I don't know whether that helps!

 

But you always have to be true to yourself, and if people don't like it, screw them!

 

Do you mind me asking what motivated you to work even harder?

 

I am finding it really hard to overcome all the negative feedback I've gotten over the years. I have this belief (that I know I need to get rid of!) that my dream is just silly and unrealistic. Whenever I tell people about my goals, I half-expect them to laugh in my face. I've been discouraged my whole life from pursuing my real goals. My own parents acknowledged my talents and were proud of me for them, but discouraged me from making a career out of them. Maybe I should try harder to meet more like-minded people.

 

I like the youtube video. Especially the part where he says,

 

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

 

Seriously, my whole life I've felt like I need to make myself small. The only exception was when I was in university and I was surrounded by talented, intelligent people, many of them much more so than myself! Come to think of it, I tend to feel attracted to friendships with people who are very confident leaders. Maybe because I know they are more likely to encourage me than put me down.

Edited December 13, 2012 by SpiralOut

[Crusoe]

For years, I have been battling my self-doubt about my abilities, and I have really begun to speculate that it is truly a fear of success.

 

I have been a musician ever since I could talk. I taught myself to read and write at 2 years old, and started composing music on a piano at 3 - believe it or not . I have had many talents over the years, from writing, making music, I was good at maths, had a keen interest in science, and an ability to amass an entire bunker full of information and cram it into my massive head! What I lacked in social savvy, the coherence of a normal person and an assured personality, I made up for in pure ability. As I've gotten older, I've found a much greater balance, but in my abilities, my potential and the expectations of all those who believe in me, I have struggled to reconcile them.

 

Music still presents regular opportunities - resourceful friends, and a large network that includes people in somewhat high places. But I sometimes lose my motivation to compose due to being somewhat fearful about being in the spotlight. I am supposed to be in that spotlight. I feel as though it's there for me to stroll into - everybody has been telling me that ever since I was 8 years old. 16 years later, I no longer am the youthful child prodigy I once was described as, the academic success that was predicted for me was destroyed by my lack of interest in it, and the power that people believe me to wield remains hidden because I'm deathly afraid of just how powerful it is. That does sound dramatic (it does lol) but I've spent years having people feed me the notion that I am/should be a star or somebody important and I still have a problem dealing with that. I actually don't doubt that the ability is there, the potential is there, I have the mind for it, I even have the presence - but where I had the will to overcome the worst of my autism, I sometimes doubt I have the bravery to fully accept the path that has been seemingly laid out for me.

 

I also feared that I would split opinion, or that my rise would come before a huge fall from grace. My objectivity is so finely balanced that I can come across wishy-washy, but the moment I come to a conclusion, I always preempt a contra-argument full of venom. Especially as a rapper, where much of my music was previously of a socio-political nature, and pretty radical to boot.

 

The best way I cope with it all and focus on trying to will myself into aspiring towards the greatness I am supposed to reach, is to focus on what I do. That's why I started practicing piano again, and also started teaching people how to play. I learn more when I teach, strangely. I simply immerse myself in what I do, because I love it, and I take great pride in it, even though I try not to be a perfectionist, I truly am one and I cannot deny that anymore. So I embrace that, and stick to it. I will eventually become comfortable with it all, the more I stick to what I love.

 

It's all about Flow, Wholie. If you want to reach your full potential and go to the places your natural talent can take you, then you must learn to switch off the head and let it flow. No good comes from thinking too much.

 

No if's, no but's, no maybe's, no could'ves, no should'ves, no would'ves.

 

No ego, none at all. No pride, no fear, no self. You don't even cast a shadow, old boy. The world isn't your mirror, it's your canvas.

[Crusoe]

Thank you for sharing your story.

 

I wonder if this is faith you are talking about. You're right. It is the hardest part, finding it and keeping it.

 

 

 

 

Yes, it is faith, Spiral.

 

I often talk of the range being my temple. It's where I go to practise my rituals and sacrifice to the golfing gods. Of course, there are no gods looking over me, but the more I pay my dues, the more I believe in myself and the more I can flow freely when it matters

 

Where are you going to find your faith, Spiral?

[Crusoe]

It always kind of saddens me to read things like this.

 

Not sure why, maybe it's because I've never been talented enough in anything to make money from it...

 

 

I firmly believe that everyone has a talent for something. It's just that many live their entire lives without ever discovering it. Or, if they do discover it, they don't learn how to harness it.

 

As for making money, well, that's all down to whether your particular talent is something people will pay for at the time. Van Gogh, a undeniably talented son a b*tch, died in poverty. If memory serves me correct he only sold one painting in his life, that never detered him from being all he could be, though.

[todreaminblue]

I know I have it in me to be great but for some reason the idea of it terrifies me. I know that I share a ton of information about myself on LS, but in real life I am not like that at all. I am very closed off with big walls in real life. Whenever the walls happen to come down, I am told by people that they like me when I act that way and I should act that way more often. As soon as they say that I shut down again. Or if someone tells me I am funny, it doesn't offend me but I do freak out inside and I'll stop talking.

 

I am okay with getting compliments about my writing or my personal projects, in fact I like that. Still, I get scared when I see that I have potential. For example, I've been approached by website owners asking me to collaborate with them on their sites. I get excited about it, then suddenly find it difficult to do any work. I feel shut down again.

 

Has anyone else felt this way? I don't know what's wrong with me. Here I am trying so hard to gain confidence, yet at the same time I'm scared of admitting that i have good qualities. I mean I understand on an intellectual level that I'm smart and talented and that it's okay to be that way, but I can't seem to truly feel it believe it and feel good about it. How am I supposed to gain confidence when I'm scared to? WTF??

 

 

i have a deep rooted fear fo lettign peopel down...if i were to consider myself to have capacity fro greatness the fear of failing others would be increased with exaggerated sefl worth......i love to see others achieve greatness makes em smile......i love to ebhidn the scenes not noticed and think hey i helped that person get theri dream.....maybe thats selfish of me...to think i helped i dont know.....i know i coudl achieve greatness with that comes public perusal.....and expectations...i hate failing others.....nothing depresses me more...imprtant peopel in my life have told em to shine that i have th capacity for greatness..if i were to admit it....i tmakes me feel arrogant....and even writing it makes me feel uncomfortable like people would say sure .....your up yourself.thats what the voices tell em anyway......i like working behind the scenes...helping.....as much as i can tfor people i care about..i think i shine helping others show greatness...i dotn need recognition maybe a thank you now and again..deb i appreciate you is that recognition or just appreciation...i dont know..i have written i dont a thousand times...i dont shine...i think i am tryign to convince myself i shouldnt...thats fruedian.....deb

[TheUnthoughtKnown]

I wonder if this is faith you are talking about. You're right. It is the hardest part, finding it and keeping it

 

Is it faith alone? Surely talent has to play a part. Natural talent. What if you don't have that? I could have all the faith and self belief in the world but what if I don't have the talent to make it? What am I at the end of all this? It's a real question you need to ask. For every success story there's a million failures. My uncle wanted to be a professional footballer. He was obsessed with it, trained for it, and was a very good junior player, but he never made it to his dreams. He was offered a trial for a team across the country but he'd gotten my aunt pregnant and he couldn't leave her, nor drag her to the other side of the country away from her family, so he said no to the trial. He was never given another one. Know what he does now? He's a cleaner. He cleans up arenas after gigs and such, and hotels too. When he's not doing that he gets high a lot and sits in the attic he converted into a guys hang out - with all his old medals and newspaper clippings about him when he was young. Every time I visit he drags me into this attic, gives me a beer and then tells me a story about the old days.

 

What I'm saying is, what's plan b? What if you can't achieve the greatness you feel you have in you? How, then, can you feel fulfilled?

[SpiralOut]

Yes, it is faith, Spiral.

 

I often talk of the range being my temple. It's where I go to practise my rituals and sacrifice to the golfing gods. Of course, there are no gods looking over me, but the more I pay my dues, the more I believe in myself and the more I can flow freely when it matters

 

Where are you going to find your faith, Spiral?

 

Good question. I've been finding my spirituality. I tried to express that when I was younger but my family didn't respect it, so I stopped. I've started again. I am pagan. I've been accepting that and making it a part of my life. The more time I spend with that part of myself, the more I realize that I am missing faith in myself. In fact I don't know if I've ever had it.

 

Might sound weird but I don't think it's possible for me to create unless I do that. Writing and photography is about expressing your point of view, and how can I have one if I am not myself.