frozensprouts Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) given the nature of this forums subject, there's bound to be a preponderance of threads that are full of pain and sadness.... I thought it would be nice to have a thread where posters who have been through it and "come out the other side" can share something positive... if you reconciled, what are some good things about your life? if you went your separate ways, what are some good things about your life? ( please note that this thread is not meant to hurt anyone going through a bad time right now or to minimize their pain) we reconciled, and there is a lot of good in my life. we're happy together, saving for our first house, and our kids are doing well. I've been able to make some extra money freelancing, and all in all, we are happy Edited December 9, 2012 by frozensprouts 2 Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 When H came our of the military, we moved to the Far North of Scotland, a place we had lived previously and loved. We were lucky to find a wonderful remote spot and have a smallholding with some rescue animals, we love this life. Last year H finished his counselling with the veteran's agency and is coping really well with things. It feels like we have completed our circle, after a long hard road, we both feel reconciled and life is dammed good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frozensprouts Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 When H came our of the military, we moved to the Far North of Scotland, a place we had lived previously and loved. We were lucky to find a wonderful remote spot and have a smallholding with some rescue animals, we love this life. Last year H finished his counselling with the veteran's agency and is coping really well with things. It feels like we have completed our circle, after a long hard road, we both feel reconciled and life is dammed good. sometimes it takes a very rough and bumpy road to get you to where you really want to be...i hope your rough spots are beihnd you and that all your roads from now on are smooth and carefree Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 One good thing... I have a great online support group where some posters start threads just to make sure we occassionally focus on the positive. There are some wonderful people there and I'm fortunate to have virtually met them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Good things: Chatting each other up whenever we get the chance, talking about the good/bad things about our kids, making sure that we are on the same page and great sex!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantgetoveritNY Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Funny you started this just now. I am in the middle of deciding if it is possible to reconcile and was thinking I'd like to hear how others made it work. And hear that it does work sometimes. The more details the better please. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frozensprouts Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 Our reconciliation worked because we both had a lot of counseling ( optional and mandated) and we both stopped being sad long enough to start being kind to each other again...he answered all the questions I had ( still does if any come up. they rarely do, but sometimes)... my husband left for deployment for over six months just after we "reconciled" ( his affair ended at the end of august, he left mid october), so things kind of got put on hold for a while, and maybe that was actually helpful....the times we had when we could communicate were brief, so we had little choice but to keep things positive until he got back...by the time he'd gotten back, i'd had a lot of time to do a lot of thinking and figure out just what I wanted, just where I stood, and just what I needed for things to work for me he got lectured by my dad, but also told that we could work past it, if we both wanted it enough...but first we had to figure out what we really wanted otherwise it wouldn't work. He's the one who told us to take our time and not rush things he also knew that if I felt things weren't working, I wouldn't be afraid to go, but also that I was willing to see things through and work my hardest with him to make things better he had to keep working with his ex-other woman, but he always told me if they'd spoken, etc., and eventually I told him he didn't have to do that anymore, i trusted him ( working with her , in his case, was actually a good thing, as he got to see her 'for real', that she was a human being faults and all ( I think he felt pretty embarrassed every time she started seeing another married guy...she's since been discharged after a court marshal over something else, so they don't work together any more)... we learned to talk to each other...that I was much stronger than he gave me credit for, and that it's okay for him to tell me anything, he bought me something a while back...it was a little figurine of an elderly Chinese couple, all stooped and bent but happy and together...told me that's how we'll be at that age:laugh:...I think we will be... at the beginning of a reconciliation, the end can seem so far away, and you'd almost give anything to have the "old days" back when everything seemed good...but if you look at reconciliation as a time to sort through whatever problems you may have had and find ways of dealing with them, your 'new' marriage can be so much better, and you will feel very thankful to have the opportunity to still be together 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CantgetoveritNY Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Let me ask you something Frozen, Do you recommend that we tell our families about this? I see that you did. I'm very hesitant to do that. I know both of our families would be supportive and helpful. My wife's father is a really good man when it comes to advice. I am close with my family. But both my wife and I don't want anyone to know. I sure don't want my kids to know. I mean if we don't reconcile then I'd have no problem with them knowing what happened. But if we reconcile I'd like to be able to think maybe no one would know other than the few that already do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Betrayed&Stayed Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 The holiday season has been a trigger for depression the past years since the A started before Thanksgiving and ended after New Year's. This is especially true if we return to the "scene of the crime" which we normally do because of family. This year we spent Thanksgiving with friends locally and it was the first Thanksgiving that I've enjoyed in 5 years. I don't think that I thought about the A during the entire long weekend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Saturday was a really good day. At one point in the morning my H brought our baby into the bed and the three of us cuddled together. Then later we walked to a coffee shop and sat outside and enjoyed the day. Both moments made me think how fortunate and blessed I am that we are together, and have a new baby. It gives me even more of an incentive to continue to grow and work on myself and our marriage because those moments are so wonderful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frozensprouts Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 nice to read about some happiness...glad you have all been able to find something to smile about 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author frozensprouts Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 Let me ask you something Frozen, Do you recommend that we tell our families about this? I see that you did. I'm very hesitant to do that. I know both of our families would be supportive and helpful. My wife's father is a really good man when it comes to advice. I am close with my family. But both my wife and I don't want anyone to know. I sure don't want my kids to know. I mean if we don't reconcile then I'd have no problem with them knowing what happened. But if we reconcile I'd like to be able to think maybe no one would know other than the few that already do. short answer...it depends on the situation... I'll start another thread where you may get more responses Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) I have always liked history, new world, old world, ancient world, geology and paleontology, above all I liked learning about the latest discoveries. I floundered in college, as they thought my best fit was in archeology, until I found out that once I made it to the top, half of my time would be spent fund raising. Six years later I was about half way through my junior year, when my full time job offered me an apprenticeship in a well paying trade, provided that I drop out of college and devote my full time towards learning the trade. Over ten years later, after marrying and moving across the country, the first place the Ex and I rented was about a mile away from a leading university. After we broke up, one day with time to kill I was driving past the university, and having never seen the campus, I decided to check out the that years crop of coeds. I was a long way from my car when I got caught in a downpour, and seeking shelter found myself in the graduate library. The first time that I had been in a library since I dropped out of college. In order to wait out the rain, I took a 19th century book off of the shelf to keep me occupied. Less than 15 minutes later, I read a paragraph that solved a mystery, that historians had been trying to answer since the turn of the century. I knew something that no one else in the world knew. The excitement of that find was similar to that I felt as a child opening Christmas presents. After calming down I found another answer, then another. The correct term is epiphany, I had found what I wanted to do with my life and had been searching for when I started college. It was my introduction to historical research, the passion of my life. Fate, or whatever what you want to call it, somehow the winds of life steered me to that small paragraph in the book. It was only after I read that paragraph that I was alerted to look from more. Had I not opened that book in the middle, I never would have spotted it. And had I not married and then separated, I truly doubt that I would have ever visited a library again. Another reason, why I say, divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me Edited December 12, 2012 by 2.50 a gallon missing word Link to post Share on other sites
NotCamelot Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 (edited) Well, it has been 7 months since d-day. I know there are those here that say it has to take 2 -5 years.....and I know we are not 100% by no means. However, for the last 2 months we are closer than we have been in many years. I really can't express how good things are. The only issue is when I remember what happened and those thoughts are getting fewer and fewer. Most days are good now. And getting better. Just last night while "cuddling" my W said, "I really like this being in love."....with a huge smile. I KNOW she is to fault for what she did. But I also know we are BOTH to fault for letting things get to that point. It will never happen again. Yes, good days!!! :D Edited December 12, 2012 by NotCamelot 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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