Elderly Parents Being Physically Abused By Son

[Midnight Magic]

My mother called me at work again today crying because her son (my brother) has physically beat up my mom aged 69 and my dad aged 92 again. Apparantly this happens on a regular basis.

 

I told my mom that I was getting off the phone and I was calling the police. All of a sudden I am the bad one, she said no because Rick takes care of them. WHAT! by beating them up black and blue, sure he drives her around and helps my dad who is not able to dress himself and get to the washroom but is the abuse really worth it.

 

I live 200 miles away so I feel helpless. But I have tried to do what I can. This morning I called the doctor and asked him to go to their house and check up on them, I told them that there is physical abuse in the house hold so I am hoping that he will report it. (The doctor makes housecalls for my father who can not get out of the house).

 

Please do not judge me for not calling the police. I want to so badly, but my mother screamed at me and told me not to involve the police. Yet this morning, Rick told my parents that he would kill them both. I feel as though I have to do something. I do not want to see their deaths in the news. But he has threatened this for many years, and I am so stuck in the middle. I have four other siblings that want no part of the family.

 

The reason for the beatings is that Rick my brother feels resentment towards my parents especially my mother for things that she has done to him.

He was always told what to do by my mother. When he was failing in school he wanted to be put in special education which would have given him his Grade 10, but my parents said that special ed is an embarrassment to the family so he quit and has a Grade 7.

He wanted to take a trade he is great at mechanics, my mother belittled him and criticized his every hope and dream until he did not want it anymore.

He tried to get jobs and each time my parents told him to quit and stay at home and that they would provide for him. He wanted to move to the city closer to me and my husband and get a job, they said who would take care of them when they got older.

Now Rick is 46 and has been emotionally forced to live at home with them, something he has never ever wanted to do. Now he is getting rid of all the resentment by beating them up. My parents would never allow him to make his own decisions or mistakes, he has never really grown up.

 

I am at a loss as of what to do. I did call the police and ask them questions, and they tell me that it is my mother who has to call them and lay charges and I know that she will never ever do this.

SO what do I do.

 

Wait until he either kills them or cripples them and have to live with this for the rest of my life.

I am crying as I write this, because I am so hurt and confused. I want to call the police and have him arrested (he has been in trouble with law for years and my parents have paid over $ 20,000 in the last 5 years for the best lawyers to get him off, he should be in jail for what he has done and is doing now).

But if I do this, my parents will hate me or disown me as they said.

 

I am going home to my moms 70th birthday this weekend, and I am scared to see what is happening to them. They are so helpless in their own home.

 

My parents want me to leave my job and husband and move home with them, they say that they will be ok only if I move home.

I can not believe they are asking me to do this. I have built a life where I am and I refuse to leave it all behind to live with them and be physically abused.

There is help out there and my parents refuse to get any, so should I feel guilty if they want to not involve anyone.

 

They could move into a seniors home and be taken care of but again they have refused my help when I said that I would help them get settled in a seniors home.

It would be their own apartment and they have meals on wheels and a maid for the meals and cleaning.

 

What the hell else can I do!

Please someone help me, I am really upset over this.

Thanks in advance.

[Fayebelle]

Charges of family abuse don't have to be filed by the abused in my state b/c so many times the victim tries to back out at the last minute.

 

Speak to your parents' doctor- he/she should be able to help. Also check w/social services.

 

Rick needs help in a way that is out of your hands - he needs a professional and in the meantime you need to remove your parents from danger even if it is against their will.

 

Good luck- this is a heartbreaking situation.

[jmargel]

You need to call the Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800 799-7233 They will provide you with information you need.

 

Also, contact the District Attorney in that county where your folks live. Bypass the police, and tell them your situation.

 

Contact the police yourself, by just seeing the bruises the police will press charges. Your mom & dad will thank you in the long run. Right now their physical well-being is more important then them getting upset with you.

[HokeyReligions]

I'm with the others on this. You mother is not mentally able to make the decision to get help. I think in legal terms it scalled Diminished Capacity. YOU can speak for her and get your parents the help and protection they need. The police are bound by different laws--definately go to the DA's office and call the DAH.

 

I'll echo jmargel: You need to call the Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800 799-7233 They will provide you with information you need.

 

Also, contact the District Attorney in that county where your folks live. Bypass the police, and tell them your situation.

 

Contact the police yourself, by just seeing the bruises the police will press charges. Your mom & dad will thank you in the long run. Right now their physical well-being is more important then them getting upset with you.