Adult children living at home

[Fayebelle]

"Human beings are the only creatures that allow their

children to come back home."

 

- Bill Cosby

 

I lived w/my Mom on and off until this year when I finally moved out on my own (at the age of 24) This seems to be a growing trend these days and I was wondering everyone's opinion on this. Should adult children have a cap on how long they can live at home? What about kids that move out only to come back later (often w/kids of their own)?

[Fayebelle]

I just learned about bumps so I'm trying them out

[neena]

I think it depends on the situation and the reasons. If you are out of a job and need to get back on your feet and it is temporary it is understandable. Or if you can not physically take care of yourself. But my brother is 45 years old and still lives with our parents! And he shows no signs of ever leaving them. It is not because of financial reasons or any physical handicap either. He just has chosen to basically avoid living his own life. And for the past few years, he does not even leave the house to go to work. But he still contributes to their household expenses and lives off his own savings. He just started to reluctantly job hunt as he is running low on funds. He seems to think that as long as he pays our parents rent and therefore not mooching off of them, it is okay.

 

He has absolutely no social life or hobbies other than watching TV Land and taking our mother grocery shopping and to dr appointments. Sad huh? You are only 24, so don't feel bad. Imagine not even having the drive to be on your own at my brother's age? Good luck and enjoy your new found independence. It is a wonderful thing.

[Fayebelle]

I have an uncle who suffers from Peter Pan syndrome and is in and out of my grandparents house (literally) every other week. I find this totally unacceptable but what do you do?

[neena]

Peter Pan Syndrome, that is a good way of describing it! Where does your uncle go between the time he lives with his parents? Is it for financial reasons that he does this? Does he have his own social life? My brother has never moved out and has no social life whatsoever. I just don't understand not wanting more out of life than chauffering your mother around.

[YellowLioness]

I just moved out on my own at the end of this past May. It's a relief!

 

My cousin, Chuck, is 25 years old, and still lives at home with mom and dad. He already graduated college, and has been seeing his girlfriend for like four years now.

 

His mom pays for his truck payment, and no one is really sure what it is that he does now. Dad said that he thought Chuck sold insurence door to door, but who knows.

 

Anyway, I know that he stays at home because his parents give him a free ride and don't make him leave.

[Fayebelle]

He's been married and divorced twice- now he lives w/a woman who shares his teenybopper outlook. Anytime they fight (which is often) he packs his toys and goes home for a few days. I think their prob is Too Much social life. Grow up and be responsible!

 

He had a back injury so he gets disabiliy and does not have to work- she receives ins checks from her late husband so she doesn't have to work. They are both living the life of Giant kids- he's 43 she's 51!

 

On a side note- when his daughter was 16 she got pregnant and married the guy- when they were getting divorced she found out she was pregnant AGAIN (then at the ripe ole age of 18) and moved in w/my grandparents where she stayed til the youngest was a year old. She's now on her own but I just see the begining of a cycle he started.

[Fayebelle]

I think A Lot of kids in our generation stayed home longer than the "norm" A lot of my friends had great vehicles and nice clothes they worked for but stayed home for little or no rent and free food and utilities.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by Fayebelle

Should adult children have a cap on how long they can live at home? What about kids that move out only to come back later (often w/kids of their own)?

 

I guess I just don't see a problem with it if all parties involved are in agreement. There is no law that I know of that states children must move out of their parents house by a certain age or state of accomplishment. I think its a societal/cultural thing. Wasn't there another thread on this the other day?

 

My mom and I are great friends and love each other very much. I hated it when I left our home for my own (when I got married). I missed her! I'm soooo glad she is living with us now. The relationship between the parent and child is what is important.

 

If I stayed living with my parents and was in my 30's or 40's or older, and someone judged me in a negative way -- based on where I lived, then the problem--as I see it---is with the person who did the judging.

 

If my mom had a home that we could have gone to when we were living on the street - you bet we would have moved in with her. She was in another state and was sharing a small apartment with her sister then and we couldn't get there.

 

Adult children who move back in with their parents - and sometimes bringing their own children I don't see as a bad thing. It's a family, family support, and I see it as a positive. Even sharing expenses, maybe I could say 'especially' sharing expenses. Ever see the TV Show 'Judging Amy'? Amy is a judge who lives with her mother and her daughter. Good family unit.

 

Now, an adult who does not leave, or comes back, and will not even try to earn enough money for their own support at least, is a problem. The person has a character flaw. It's not right for an able bodied person to live off the hard work and earnings of another.

[neena]

I don't mean to judge anyone, so sorry if it sounded that way. It sounds like your arrangement is mutual and that you guys are all happy with it. So that is fine. It also seems that you each have your own individual lives, since you are married. My brother's case is different from yours and the others here. He is not there due to finances or to free up more money to party with. Gee, I wish he would party it up once in a while! My parents, especially our mother is his entire life! He is avoiding life basically. He never moved out, has never had a girlfriend, has no sociail life whatsoever, or any intentions of ever moving beyond our parents. His life consists of watching old t.v shows and driving my mother to the grocery store. That's it. He thinks as long as he pays them rent, it is fine. So no one can say he is a mooch and plus he does the chauffering. But there is so much more to life than that. I feel very sad for him. I also worry about how he will manage when they eventually pass away. He will be alone with no girlfriend or dating experience or friends or hobbies, etc. to help him through.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by neena

I don't mean to judge anyone, so sorry if it sounded that way. It sounds like your arrangement is mutual and that you guys are all happy with it. So that is fine. It also seems that you each have your own individual lives, since you are married. My brother's case is different from yours and the others here. He is not there due to finances or to free up more money to party with. Gee, I wish he would party it up once in a while! My parents, especially our mother is his entire life! He is avoiding life basically. He never moved out, has never had a girlfriend, has no sociail life whatsoever, or any intentions of ever moving beyond our parents. His life consists of watching old t.v shows and driving my mother to the grocery store. That's it. He thinks as long as he pays them rent, it is fine. So no one can say he is a mooch and plus he does the chauffering. But there is so much more to life than that. I feel very sad for him. I also worry about how he will manage when they eventually pass away. He will be alone with no girlfriend or dating experience or friends or hobbies, etc. to help him through.

 

I didn't think you were judging me. My post was generally speaking about what I think of adult children living with their parents and not talking about my life. My mother is dieing and is an invalid. She moved into my house five years ago so I could take care of her.

 

I don't feel it's right for an able bodied person to live off the hard work and earnings of another. Your brother is making his own bed and when your parents are gone, he will have to lie in it. It's sad to think about because its not the life you chose--but who knows, he may be just fine with it.

[Barby]

I agree that EVERY situation is different. I don't see anything wrong with living your parents if your situation meets the need.

 

My case....I had my own apartment, I payed my own rent, bills, ect. My sister was buying her home (her and my mother together) because my Mother is unable to make ends meet on her own. Anyway Indiana fell on hard times, her place of employment (wabash national) layed soooooooooo many people off, she was one of them and was unable to find a job right away therefor she faced fore-closure on her home. They didn't have the money to get a home of their own so I allowed them to move in with me then once they got on their feet they payed 1/3 each of all the bills. It is easier on all of us and I'm currently seeking a place of my own and will be leaving the lease to them.

 

(Sorry not trying to explain my life story hahaha) But basically if it works for you then there is NOTHING wrong with it, my story...I'm not "living" off my family. I have my own income as do they but since circumstances beyond our control happened it was the only option and it worked out.