Really need -just broke up

[sydneylovesyou123]

Hi everyone. I'm going through a tough situation and don't know what to do.

 

I've posted before about hwo my ldr boyfriend has been in a depression because of pharmacy school. Well this entire week has just been awful. I've been digging for compliments and he just doesn't give them to me. It makes me feel awful and I need reassurance things are okay. Everything was fine when we were together, but being away he just becomes depressed. So yesterday I was asking him what was wrong, and he said he felt like a bad boyfriend to me and that I deserve much better. I assured him it was fine and that everything would be okay. I don't ever complain about him being a bad boyfriend. He said he just feels like he is. And that I deserve the best and he feels like he can't give it to me because he's always stressed out. He takes all his stress and frustration out on me since he almost failed last semester. I was there for him through it all.

 

Today, I said we needed to talk. He said that his feelings are at a standstill when he is away at school. We are from the same high school, and have been dating for only 5 months. He said that he doesn't know if he will ever be able to change. He said my feelings for him were a lot stronger than his for me. I said that was fine because I understood that pharmarcy school is drainign and he is depressed. He said that every time we are together it's fine but then everything like goes away once his depression sets in at school. This crushed my heart. Why is he trying to push away someone that causes him no stress?? He said that we were done and after a few moments of silence I said, if that's what he wanted I had no choice but to respect his wishes. He then said he didn't know what he wanted, he doesn't want to hurt me. He said that his brain is going back and forth between the two, yes and nos. This just kills me because it should be a no brainer whether he wants me in his life or not. I am crushed by this. I really care for him and am trying not to give up on him like everyone else has. He said in his last relationship, which was less than a year ago, that his ex girlfriend would say that she was sick of him always taking it out on her, she then cheated on him. Maybe this is just a defense mechanism? Pushing others away. I don't know.

 

He says he doesn't know if he will ever be able to change and he feels like this is just going to be a vicious cycle over and over again. This hurts. I thought I would be worth it He said he feels like we are on two different levels, him in grad school always being angry and depressed and studying, and me in undergrad always having fun. I would never cheat on him and he knows that. He knows that I am gonna stick by him throughout this whole thing, but I really just think this is over now. I am or at least was trying to show him that I can help him through this and not give up on him like everyone usually does. He said he just doesn't know what to do. Finally, I said well if you don't know, and your intentions were to lose the best thing you will find, then you just lost it. and hung up. I tried calling him two hours later, but he didn't answer. I don't want it to end like that, I didn't mean what I said, but it was an attempts to make myself feel a little better. I'm crushed and upset and dont' know what to do. The kid means so much to me, i don't know why because he takes everything out on me, doesn't say nice things anymore, never even says I miss you anymore. I always have to say these things first. I feel like a failure because I've put so much into this and got nothing in return. I don't know where i should go from this? My heart is so caring and I want him in my life. He said he can't handle school and a relationship and everything. He said he's been trying to give it chances but it always ends up the same way. I dont' know, he's depressed and openly admits it. Pharmacy school is not right for him and I told him that. That is his source of unhappiness. But he will not quit because he isn't a quitter. I don't know what to do, any suggestions? I'm heartbroken.

 

 

We decided to go on a break or whatever you call it. He said his intentions weren't to go out and hook up with people, he is focused on school. I asked him if he minded if I would (no, I'm not going to) and he said he wasn't going to control me, but if he saw it he was sure that he'd be upset. He said he just wasn't going to worry or think about me doing that. He said he feels like he's not all there and I don't deserve that. He said he needs time because he felt like he hasn't gotten any time after rushing from one relationship to the other. He said he doesn't know he is torn between it. I don't even know what that means and get really upset thinking about all of this. He said that if I wanna talk to him, I could. And he said if he wants to talk to me, he will. He said he was sure he was going to miss me, afterall I'm always the one saying "you are wonderful. you can get through it. you mean the world to me" So of course anyone would miss not having that by his side anymore.

 

It's been a day and we haven't talked. I went out last night to get my mind off of it. I had fun, until I thought about him. I rationalize that whatever is supposed to happen will happen. Seeing all these couples walking around didn't help me whatsoever. I also rationalize that his stress has become my stress, and that maybe if we don't get back together or whatever, that my second semester won't be stressful. I feel ike he is what was making me unhappy at times.

 

I told him I wasn't going to be the one to contact him first, and that he was gonna have to do it. i've been initiating everything, so I assume he expects me to cave in. This is eating me up inside because I want more than anything to talk to him right now. What should I do? Do you think that he will completely change his mind and want me back if I don't cave in?

Thanks for listening.

[justwhoiam]

You did the right thing, even if you said it out of despair. And I'll tell you why. You know that saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed"? It means that when you're in need you can tell a true friend from one who is not. More so if it's a boyfriend. He knows he hurt you and pushed you away. If he really cares for you, he will get in touch with you.

 

All that being confused means he's not head over heels in love with you, he clearly told you that his feelings are not as strong as yours. That means he can be away from you and don't really mind it. He surely enjoys your company, but that's not enough to be with someone. And I agree with that way of reasoning. He doesn't want to raise your expectations. Because a girlfriend has expectations. It's just natural. You expect to see him, talk to him, even if you can be patient, you need to share something with a boyfriend, otherwise what kind of relationship would it be? And most importantly, you need him to want it and feel he really wants you. All of that is just not there right now, and might worsen over time.

 

Start thinking positive. You will meet new people. You will hang out with friends, and guys. You will have fun and decide what you will do after high school. You will live in a different environment. If he cares anything about you, you will know. Don't reach out for him anymore. Maybe he will cross your path again, maybe not. Just move on and enjoy the good things that will come your way.

[Alexanda]

I think you should just let him go. He was basically saying he is just not that into you and he doesnt want to get back with you. Just leave him alone. You will find someone else. There are plenty of fish in the sea.