AngelDollFace Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I need insight: I've been dating a guy for 6 months and everything was going well. He was very sweet and loving and never argued with me about anything. There was always one red flag though... he drinks a lot... I reasoned with myself that as long as he wasn't abusive or angry when he drank that I could accept it. He drinks alcohol every day (beer) and he drinks hard liquor about 4 nights a week (like an entire fifth of 80 proof liquor per night). Anyhow... a week ago he asked me to move in I told him we'd talk about it and he seemed happy with that answer- then the next day he was completely different- mean and acted like he resented my presence- the following week since that day he has been mean and withdrawn and he even talked about breaking up with me. We usually see each other every day but he wanted to see me like every 3 days. He had the week off from work last week and he drank very hard liquor every single day and all he did was play video games and ignore me- he didn't even do his dishes or clean his house. He invited me over Friday because we had plans to go to a concert- his house was DISGUSTING. After the concert he drank more and we started to get ready for bed. I initiated sex which he seemed very into but then suddenly he backed away and yelled at me that he wanted to go to sleep - by this point I was infuriated over how mean he'd been for a week and I yelled at him so he asked me to leave but my car wouldn't start - so he told me to get out anyway (it was 4am and snowing outside). I refused to leave and sat quietly in his kitchen so he called the police to make me leave. The police came and drove me to a gas station where I waited all night to find a friend to come get me. He hasn't apologized but I am pretty sure when he goes back to work next week that he will end up apologizing- but I don't think it'll be a genuine apology- I did a lot to help him with his 4 year old daughter, I helped him find a job and helped keep his house in order- I was very very good to him so I am pretty sure if he apologizes that it will be because he misses what I did for him and not because of him missing me. I am confused. Calling the police on me was the last straw for me I think (I hope). I need insight. I don't understand how he changed overnight. My friends and family are shocked by it too. I wonder if maybe since he drank hard liquor every day with no recovery time between if he possibly went through a drastic personality shift (which doesn't make me feel better at all since I am aware he isn't going to stop drinking). What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I think you need to understand why you are in a relationship with an addict. Why you expect that life to be absent drama? Focus on yourself. Forget this guy. Until he's sober you'll always be low on his priority list. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 um omfg..dealbreaker! hello! Never ever ever speak to this loser again. ugh I hope he doesn't keep his daughter in that filth he lives in when he is all wasted. poor child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 Yes, I think I'd always be mistress to his number one love - liquor Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Yet you stayed in the relationship for 6 months. Why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 I knew he drank a lot but he never seemed angry or mean or emotionally off balance at all. I guess in a way I was watching closely for the last 6 months to see if I could note any change in him from the alcohol. Maybe deep down I knew it was imminent. I don't know. But what I do know is that when he got that week off of work his drinking took on a whole new life. 5 months and 3 weeks of bliss and suddenly just nothing- it's odd Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 You broke up with him right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Alcoholic + Bliss = Oxymoron. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 You broke up with him right? Yes, he called the police on me randomly and binge drank for an entire week while living in filth- I broke up with him. Just odd how someone can go from being a clean, employed, balanced person to behind a filthy mean mess over night. I wonder if this is how it is for alcoholics... like they keep the house of cards nice and straight and then it all just crashes... I guess he was a functioning alcoholic who just stopped being able to function suddenly. I know I shouldn't have stayed so long knowing about the drinking but I guess I didn't know how badly it would turn out. I have no experience with alcohol- I am from the south and nobody I have ever known even drinks- I am in my 30s. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 So basically you don't watch movies, read the news or books? I think you are in denial. Addiction and bad behavior are ubiquitous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 I probably hoped he was different. And I couldn't typically tell when he'd been drinking or not... he was that good at maintaining the facade. I saw lots of bottles around his house so I knew, but I had finally found a guy who didn't yell at me - a guy who had a job and acted caring and did all the other things nobody else ever did for me- I am sure I was in denial. I knew it was a problem but I hoped it would never surface. At least I only wasted 6 months instead of six years. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Loving an alcoholic is tough. They say something nice like "let's move in together" or "let's get married" and you listen but they forget they ever said that. It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Sounds like he felt rejected when you didn't jump to move in with him right away ...... and then his response was being really mean/resenting your presence. His conflict coping skills are videogames, ignoring you, drinking (of course) and lack of chores. He still went to the concert with you. But calling the police on you soon after was shocking in that it showed a lack of care for your safety given that your car wouldn't start. I thought males were supposed to be protective, even if they are angry. He didn't sound very protective of you. And that drinking habit of his is pretty extreme, not to mention expensive. Sounds like you have a great group of friends and family around you...=) Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted December 9, 2012 Author Share Posted December 9, 2012 Yeah, Coffee- that's what I thought. It broke my heart that he'd want to throw me out in the cold and even resort to calling strangers to come make me leave (the police). He didn't know what the police would do with me and he didn't care. So I spent all night in a bad part of town at a 24 hour gas station wearing a little black cocktail dress and high heels. He texted me the next day to tell me he had my driver's license... I asked him to put it in my car and I got a ride to his house to pick my car up- so he knows I am alive but other than that I haven't heard a word from him. It hurts so much when someone you love does something to show you they don't care about your safety or well being. To me- it doesn't get much worse than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Quest4_TheLost Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) Hey this sounds a lot like the last loser I was dating. We dated for about 10 months to long. He was also an alcoholic. Like you, I figured if he wasn't abusive or angry then I would accept it. We started out just as friends he was going through a rough time so I like you wanted to help. Unfortunatly should never have crossed that line of friendship. I would take him out spend money on him I always treated him well. He had gone through a bad breakup and started taking things out on me. I decided to stop sleeping with him but still would go visit of course he would still try anyway. This lead to our last meeting where he became violent with me. He has never shown signs of it never yelled at me. We were both drinking a bit to much and I was telling him basically why I no longer wanted to sleep with him. He was always flirting and txting with other chicks and he wasn't who I wanted to be with. Part of me hoped he would change though. I figured we could remain friends and see how things go. So he became violent and I smacked the crap out of him!! A good few times! Hell no I wasn't going to just take his abuse. He left bite marks and bruises all over me. INCLUDING MY FACE! Then threatend to call the cops. I told him to go ahead.He actulaly wanted me to stay to morning. I ended up sleeping it off in my car for a while before driving home. I've learned you can't trust an alcoholic they're unpredictable. He got angry because he wasn't getting what he wanted from me. Its natural for some people to want to come to the rescue of others. I'm one of those people so I understand your wanting to help him. You can't though, he has to help himself. I still love my ex and care for him I wish him the best. Don't wait until this guy lays his hands on you!! What he did was a HORRIBLE thing to do but it definetly can and has the potential to get a lot worse. Edited December 9, 2012 by Quest4_TheLost Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Just odd how someone can go from being a clean, employed, balanced person to behind a filthy mean mess over night. No, he was always that. He just hid it well from you. He is unbalanced, has a drinking and anger problem. I feel for his four year old..Certainly hope the child's mom is involved and he doesn't have full custody. Stay away from him..Even if he apologizes to you, do NOT get back together with him. Link to post Share on other sites
source24 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Get out while you can. This is an unhealthy relationship. He has a lot of problems, and you need to realize that you won't be able to help him. He need to figure out his problems on his own. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. You deserve much much better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mango21 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Stay away...once that person calls the cops on you they are going to go to the extreme to send you another message soon .. and i dont think you will like the next message they intend to send... Get out go...pls Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 His appetite for drama far exceeds yours. Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelDollFace Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 Thank you so much for all of the good advice. I deeply appreciate it. I am going to stay away. Mango, you were right- he gave me a loud clear message and the next message will be even worse Yes, his desire for drama must far exceed mine - I wonder if maybe he had one of those relationships before where people call the cops on each other. I've never dated anyone like that... Once again- thank you my friends Angel Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I am confused. Calling the police on me was the last straw for me I think (I hope). I need insight. I don't understand how he changed overnight. My friends and family are shocked by it too. I wonder if maybe since he drank hard liquor every day with no recovery time between if he possibly went through a drastic personality shift (which doesn't make me feel better at all since I am aware he isn't going to stop drinking). What do you guys think? Some times people snap and change over night. There isn't always an answer other than being like "that's just crazy." I'm really sorry all this happened to you. No matter how nice he was, or how nicely he apologizes realize what he did means you'd be crazy to ever go out with him. Forgive and forget him for ever! Seriously I couldn't ever imagine calling the police on a gf unless they were in the middle of trying to kill me. Even though you guys were having some retarded big fight when he realized your car was broken down he at a minimum should have let you call a towing service or wait till the morning to take care of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 LEAVE!!! End the relationship. You know you need to. I don't even see why you are questioning yourself. As long as he continues to drink, the abusive, unstable behavior will continue. Link to post Share on other sites
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