brinkofinsanity Posted August 11, 2004 Share Posted August 11, 2004 Please can someone give me some adivce. My husband & I have been married for 8 years, we have two children. I have been a stay at home mom for all but 1 year of the last nine, with no job prospects. I don't have a degree, I have basic skills which make it difficult to find something that pays decent, livable wages. I have wanted to walk away several times, and would have if the money was there. My husband is very immature - he's 29, and his family, mostly his mothers side are so dysfunctional, it's ridiculous. Right now he is angry with me because I refuse to go to a weekend get together with them or allow him to take the kids. There are always problems in this family and his mother likes to create a lot of them. I recently emailed her a response about the little weekend get-together, stating that I would have to check our schedule to see what dates would work because with all our kids have going on, our life is not our own. She totally twisted it around and responded by saying she didn't book the place because when I say our life is not our own, it tells her we really don't want to go. She wants us to basically jump up and down and yell "YES! YES! We really want to go!". Now, my husband, her son, read this email front wards, back wards, etc... and knew exactly what I meant & couldn't understand why she reacted that way. Anyhow, he supposedly talked with her and she made a comment about how it seems like I don't want them to be a family. How is this so? We have gone to every get together possible with her and I have never prevented her from seeing her grand kids, even though she got drunk one time while watching one of them. She eventually sent me an "apology", yet, as always, there are "buts" to try to make it out like she's a victim. She said that they always come to our get togethers, but never get the same - which is so not true. The only get togethers we have held are for birthdays. She wants birthdays, easter, christmas, thanksgiving, just because, etc... I told my husband that I don't consider that an apology and will not go to their little family thing. He is threatening to make my life miserable, which can't be worse than it has for years. I see it as he isn't sticking up for his wife and kids, never does. This is not the firs incident with someone in his family. He seems to think I am blowing this little thing out of proportion, and should go for him. As I see it, every time I "let it go", it enables their behaviors and he is saying that my or our kids feelings aren't as important as making them happy. I am so sick and tire of it I just want out and not to deal with it anymore. Am I wrong for not putting up with this crap? You know, if he actually responded by saying he knows how I feel and that he's sorry for the things his family does, that he loves me and will work on making things better - and actually meaning it, it would be one thing, but he doesn't do that, he just gets all pissed off and somehow I'm the bad guy. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! Link to post Share on other sites
toolcutie Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Well Im already divorced but am currently in another relationship that rings similar so I thought I might post. My current boyfriend is also not as "grown up" as he would like to think he is. His mother is phycotic. She's demanding, and disrespectful, and has to have her nose is everybody's business. I've told him already that this is my relationship, and if things become permanent between us I will not have him putting his "old" family first. Natural progression, you raise your kids and you let them go and live their lives. I think you need to have a very serious dicussion with him about this. I've informed my SO that I will not continue this relationship if things don't change and only he has the ability to change them. Your husband will have to realize that he has his own family to worry about and that he owes you guys now, not his "old" family. They will always be a part of your lives, that much you have to accept, but you need to make it clear that he needs to put "his" family first. You guys should without a doubt be his first priority and commitment. He agreed to make that commitment when he married you. "You" and your children are his family now. Good Luck Toolcutie Link to post Share on other sites
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