Moving in/Proposal?

[Mozart]

Hi,

 

My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together. We love each other and do have plans on getting married.

 

Although I would like to be engaged before we move in, I dont have a problem living with him before that. But I know he also thinks it would be the right thing to do.

 

My question is.. how do i know he will propose? I mean, we are moving in hopefully in the next 2 months. We are going away too. He hasnt mentioned anything about a possible proposal. But, I think it would be great if he did it on our trip. How should I drop hints?

How can I figure out that its going to happen?

I dont want to bring it up, not yet.

[Stone]

honey I have been in the same boat for months. Just tell him how you want to spend the rest of your life with him and wait patiently. I know it sucks, But you can't push him in to doing it.

[katie79]

Tell him what you want. You don't have to demand it. But I hope you get engaged within the year---you should. Tell him you think it would be nice but there's no need to be demanding or impatient. Of course, I don't your ages and how long you've been together which also contributes to the necessity of engagement. Look at it this way, he's willing to live with you and spend everyday of his life with you, how would marriage change that since that's what it is?

[Mozart]

I am pretty sure My boyfriend knows what i want. He knows that I would like to get married to him, move in with him. He says he wants the same thing.

I know its a big issue, and we are just taking that major step into moving in with eachother. So, I dont know if its right for me to push him on this subject.

We are going away soon ( before we move in) and I think it would be so ideal if he did it then.

 

Maybe Im just thinking all this up.. I mean... we havent even brought up marriage in a while.

 

I can actually recall a conversation we had the other day about our relationship, and he said something to the effect of, well.. dont you think we ar getting serious? We are planning trips togther and moving in together.. but no where was the comment of us getting married..

[katie79]

I'm sure the subject of marriage will come up soon. Sounds like it's in the works. But engagement should happen within the year (of moving in together) at most. Don't forget, when you live with someone it's like marriage. After all, you will be cooking, cleaning, talking, and everything else with this person. You'll see each other weird little quirks that no one else knows about too. I have a feeling this relationship will work out from the sounds of it. Living with anyone, even just a friend is a big commitment. Just be wary of falling into the category of asking a year from now about how he refuses to commit after you've been living together for a year. A lot of women fall into that category and moving out and away from him might, refusing to live with him until after the wedding might be what you have to do.

[Mozart]

Thank you katie79 for your kind advice.

 

It will come up I'm sure... It will be a year in 2 months. So, we'll see what happens then.

I dont know if you have read my post in the marriage board.. but, my so has not met my family yet! Wouldnt it be odd of him to propose and not have met my family?

[katie79]

Has he ever mentioned meeting families? I think if you brought that up that would be fine. I see no harm in that. Afterall, your parents and his prob want to meet their daughter/sons mate they are living with. Don't worry, I think requesting to meet each others parents is not being pushy, too fast, or nagging in anyway.

[Mozart]

Hi,

 

I have met my SO's parents, though he has not met mine.

 

We did mention it would be a good idea to meet my parents before we move in. He's all for it.. just a matter of when. So, I guess its a good thing.

 

But.. I still feel crappy.. I mean.. this whole moving in thing, no proposal or mention of it, its bringing me down.

 

I love the fact we are moving in together.. but to be honest.. I haven't put a single penny into the place. It doesnt feel like mine at all. He wont let me put anything into it either.

[katie79]

...are like that. They don't want you to pay for anything because they feel like "less of a man" when their gf's / wives shell out any money. Maybe you should insist on paying half or partial rent money. Men like that can also put you under their thumb and treat you like a child. I speak from experience too. Let him take the lead, but as far as paying rent, insist you pay your half. He can pay for other things like taking you out to dinner, movies, etc since he feels uncomfortable letting you pay, plus sicne your not engaged, it's still the "courting period" anyhow. I understand you feeling "crappy" and ''down" about not being engaged. Of course, you never know if it's on the way. He might suprise you and all this worry will be for nothing. Just be sure to stand your ground if he doesn't propose marriage within a year of living together. You don't want to wind up complaining like many other women on here about the same thing: "We've been living together ** years and he wont commit." I see that frequently on here and I've heard it in real life as well. But I'm sure with a positive attitude, a plan for yourself, what you want, and where this relationship will be within the next year (of sharing your daily life with this person), things will work out like they are supposed to. Good luck! Feel free to tell me of your worries. I am miserable about not getting a real commitment too as you can see on my threads.

[Mozart]

and, it was very informative.

 

Basically, he has or had no intentions of proposing anytime soon. Or getting married anytime soon. He said he needs to get his career rolling first. Which is fair enough.

I voiced my opinion, and told him I would rather have a long engagement and live together than not.

He said that fine, but to be engaged entails a ring and which he does not have money for.

I agreed that its better to have everything settled first. But, said that there should be some form of commitment.

He was very honest, and said he hadnt even thought that far ahead to proposing this year or thinking of getting married the next year.

So, I know where I stand, and I know where he stands. Its just a matter of time to see what happens.

All I really wanted was a long engagement. Get engaged by the end of the year, and take time to have a wedding, but its not financially feesible for him.

Also, about supporting him yes... he is the type to want to take care of things. I respect that. I think when the time comes we do actually move in.. ( dont know when that will be.) he knows that I will be paying my own way.

I'm not as sad as I thought I would be... but it would have been a nice surprise to have been proposed to during our vacation or even our anniversary.

Also Katie79, I feel for your situation. I mean reading your posts shows how strong you are and how patient you have been. I really hope everything works out for you.

I truly appreciate your help.