Either I end it or live under the shadows

[chinneytan]

I'm new here and like many others, i am here because i am the other woman

 

I have been with him for almost a year. Like any typical relationship is allstarted out as friends. Eventually, as time goes by we got together. I did askedif he had a gf back home (he's from other country), he replied no.

 

We had alot of fun time, and eventually i moved in with him after 6 monthsof dating. As i do not understand his native country language, i was constantlysuspicious but he re-assure me as and when.

 

Until the faithful day and my female instinct was proven right. I wascleaning up the apartment and going through his stuff that i say a registrationpaper and did a check on translator and the word “wife” pop out.

 

Long story short i confronted him, he say he WAS married and had divorce. Iinsisted to see the registration paper of his divorce. He said he will try butwill take months to request for one. At this moment, i touched his heart andlooked into his eyes, i asked him “Tell me the truth, are you married ordivorced?” His reply “I am married and I have a son.” I breakdown and rightthere a slap to his face. Yes, i remained with him.

 

Anyways, months later now, his company is sourcing an apartment exclusivelyfor him due to his promotion. My worries have come true. Weeks after i knew hewas married, i saw a message sent from him to this colleague, that his familywill be joining him in April 2013

 

All these while, I felt comforting as his family was miles away and he is “solely”mine as long as he is here. Now, with this coming about, i know it’s a matterof time either he will bring his family over or his wife will insist to comeover.

 

Dear ladies, I honestly want to leave him. I do. But i tried once and theheart ache killed me. He will ask me “You don’t want to see me again?” I am notstrong. I have nothing of him

 

I would wanna have a chat with him and know his plans; i do not want to be “kicked”away without notice when he had everything plan out. But i too know, he will bereluctant to share as we both know what we have to do isn’t it?

 

I am contradicting. I know he will say he still wants be even his wife ishere with him. But this will only make me live under him forever which i do notwant to

Edited December 10, 2012 by chinneytan

[justwhoiam]

You just tell him you know he'll move by April 2013 and his family might join him. Then ask him what he wants to do with you. And then you decide.

[whichwayisup]

Dear ladies, I honestly want to leave him. I do. But i tried once and theheart ache killed me. He will ask me “You don’t want to see me again?” I am notstrong. I have nothing of him

 

You have no choice now but to leave him. He isn't yours, he never was.. Finding out the truth that he was married and lying to you from day one should have been enough to make you run the other direction.

 

Do seek counseling to help you cope and rely on good friends and family for support. You can end it..You're much stronger than you realize, just don't be afraid of feeling pain. It won't be easy for a few months but you will survive and come out of this stronger and wiser.

 

So, let him ask "Don't you want to see me again?" Your response to that should be 'YOU lied to me from day one! How can I trust you? I refuse to be the OW, I deserve better than that."

 

You had a life before you two met and got together, right? You were happy more than likely, had friends, your job, family etc... You still have all that.

[Pierre]

I'm new here and like many others, i am here because i am the other woman

 

I have been with him for almost a year. Like any typical relationship is allstarted out as friends. Eventually, as time goes by we got together. I did askedif he had a gf back home (he's from other country), he replied no.

 

We had alot of fun time, and eventually i moved in with him after 6 monthsof dating. As i do not understand his native country language, i was constantlysuspicious but he re-assure me as and when.

 

Until the faithful day and my female instinct was proven right. I wascleaning up the apartment and going through his stuff that i say a registrationpaper and did a check on translator and the word “wife” pop out.

 

Long story short i confronted him, he say he WAS married and had divorce. Iinsisted to see the registration paper of his divorce. He said he will try butwill take months to request for one. At this moment, i touched his heart andlooked into his eyes, i asked him “Tell me the truth, are you married ordivorced?” His reply “I am married and I have a son.” I breakdown and rightthere a slap to his face. Yes, i remained with him.

 

Anyways, months later now, his company is sourcing an apartment exclusivelyfor him due to his promotion. My worries have come true. Weeks after i knew hewas married, i saw a message sent from him to this colleague, that his familywill be joining him in April 2013

 

All these while, I felt comforting as his family was miles away and he is “solely”mine as long as he is here. Now, with this coming about, i know it’s a matterof time either he will bring his family over or his wife will insist to comeover.

 

Dear ladies, I honestly want to leave him. I do. But i tried once and theheart ache killed me. He will ask me “You don’t want to see me again?” I am notstrong. I have nothing of him

 

I would wanna have a chat with him and know his plans; i do not want to be “kicked”away without notice when he had everything plan out. But i too know, he will bereluctant to share as we both know what we have to do isn’t it?

 

I am contradicting. I know he will say he still wants be even his wife ishere with him. But this will only make me live under him forever which i do notwant to

 

I don't understand why you are not repulsed by this POS.

 

If you are not repulsed by this man you are in need of counseling.

 

There is nothing in this relationship that has any value.

 

I feel sorry this POS lied to you.

 

But, now you have the info and apparently you are on your way to be the concubine. Is that what you want?

 

Please leave right away and seek therapy. Go 100% NC. Don't even tell him why you are leaving. The POS deserves no explanations.

 

Once you are gone make sure to notify his wife.

[Lillyfree]

 

Long story short i confronted him, he say he WAS married and had divorce. Iinsisted to see the registration paper of his divorce. He said he will try butwill take months to request for one. At this moment, i touched his heart andlooked into his eyes, i asked him “Tell me the truth, are you married ordivorced?” His reply “I am married and I have a son.” I breakdown and rightthere a slap to his face. Yes, i remained with him.

 

 

this should have been the point where you told him to eff off, turned your back and walked away.

 

 

All these while, I felt comforting as his family was miles away and he is “solely”mine as long as he is here. Now, with this coming about, i know it’s a matterof time either he will bring his family over or his wife will insist to comeover.

 

 

he's not yours. he's married - whether his wife is present or not.

 

 

Dear ladies, I honestly want to leave him. I do. But i tried once and theheart ache killed me.

 

you ARE strong enough. and it hurts, but the hurt gets smaller every day and then it won't be there any more.

 

are you happy now? ask yourself that - if the answer is no then why are you still with him?

[chinneytan]

I agree with you ladies i should have left when i knew he was married. Yes, i do know. Yet, at that moment i think with my heart. And lied to myself that "Hey, his wife isnt here right?" Hence, it stays as the same.

 

LFH - I do admire your replies when i was viewing through the forums. At times, i agree with you. its tough for an outsider to understand and even know whats going through my head.

 

I know its a matter of time that his family will move here (maybe not perm) or even he wanting to have his family as he always say he misses his son dearly. I will and want to discuss it with him. But its tough to break the ice, whenever we talk about it things involving his family or such, it upsets the both of us. Kills us and end up crying.

 

I agree with justwhoiam that i should blantantly ask him what does he wanna do with me.

 

I just dont want to accept the fact i guess. Stupidity. He has everything to gain and i have everything to lose. He still have his family. Yet i am holding on to nothing.

 

Staying with him too make it harder for me to go, the attachment.

To the OW here, do you ladies too hope i'll leave him, being also in the same situation as me?

[chinneytan]

You're going to ask him what he wants to do with you?

What does THAT mean?

 

In other words, what he intent to do? Im not going to be a bottled drink that he throws once he have a water bottle.

 

I expect him to decently be responsible but NOT to divorce his wife. Thats the last thing i wanna force him to do.

 

Atleast tell me his plans, his intention and stuffs. Respect me and tell me everything in advance. If he thinks we should not continue, i will accept it gracefully.

 

I despise ppl who just disappear out of the blue or stuffs.

[Lillyfree]

In other words, what he intent to do? Im not going to be a bottled drink that he throws once he have a water bottle.

 

I expect him to decently be responsible but NOT to divorce his wife. Thats the last thing i wanna force him to do.

 

If he thinks we should not continue, i will accept it gracefully.

 

so.... you'll be happy being just a bit on the side once his wife moves?

[chinneytan]

Quick Question:

 

Should the wife know? Should i offer her to contact me if she wants to talk to me?

[chinneytan]

Let me guess - you would want let the wife know only if he dumps you.

 

No. And i dun think the word dump is right.

[Pierre]

No. And i dun think the word dump is right.

 

It would be more respectful to you if this man dump you.

 

But, no! He intends to keep you as the concubine.

 

And you are willing to be the concubine.

 

 

OK, if that is what you want so be it. Learn how to be a good concubine.

 

1. Holidays and weekends alone.

2. MOM will have children with her and not you. Make sure you stay on birth control.

3. Vacations with wife and family must be accepted.

4. Learn how to be on call and be ready for MOM's call when he needs a bit of extramarital sex.

5. Do not be a high maintenance woman. Be low key and do not make waves.

6. Be faithful and never date single men. You belong to the MOM.

7. Accept the fact that after 20-30 yeas you will get nothing from MOM when he croaks. His assets will go to his lawful wife.

[waterwoman]

End it. Can't see it being much fun from now on