I am (pretty) happily married, so why do I love my x?

[cutelilshortie]

I am 21 (will be 22 next week) and am having problems in my marriage. I have been married for just barley two years (last week) and find my self falling for someone else.

 

 

About five years ago, I met a guy, we'll call him Rick, online. He seemed very nice and after talking for a few days we exchanged phone numbers. We talked for over a year on the phone for about 5 hours every night. We talked about life and our days and what we want out of life. We had so much in common, both of us were saving our virginity for marriage and both of us were Christians. I know it sounds stupid, but we fell in love hard.

 

 

Rick was goin to come out to Cali (where I live) from Iowa and visit me, but he never showed up and never called. I tried emailing him and my emails came back to me. I was crushed and spiraled into one bad fling after another, I lost my virginity to a "friend with benifts" and got rapped and preggnet by a boy from my school. I had an abortion and was a wreck. A few months later I met Alan (also online) he lived closer to me and we met at a local bowling alley and hit it off.

 

 

After dating Alan for a couple months he proposed and we moved in together. Six months after moving in together Rick emailed me. We spoke on the phone again for awhile and I was beginning to question my feelings for Alan. One day Rick called and Alan answered the phone and yelled and cussed at him saying never to call again. I did not know and thought Rick didn't like me anymore. About a year later I married Alan, even though I had cold feet and my whole family told me I was too young and was making a mistake.

 

 

Alan and I are mostly happy and in love, but he likes to party all the time and thinks threesome are great and doesn't ever want kids- completely opposite from me. He had told me he wanted everything I did, but just 6 months ago, came clean, saying he lied, cos he knew I wanted that, but couldn't lie anymore. Even if we do have kids someday, we cant agree on how to raise them and have the same fights over and over never solving anything.

 

 

A month ago I email Rick, just to say hi. He wrote me back and we have been talking a lot. Those old feelings are rushing back and now that we are both older and more mature we are finding we have even more things in common. We have been having those 5 hour long phone calls and Alan is a little ticked, but is too busy with his cars and friends to really notice or care, I think.

 

 

One of my girl friends wants me to come visit her at her school in Iowa for her birthday in October and I said I would. I have told my husband I would contact Rick when I got there and he said that was fine, but not to do anything he wouldn't. Rick is very excited and both of us feel we just need to know what would have happened. Maybe we'll not like eachother in person, but after 5 years I need to know. Or even get some sort of closure. Rick told me he needs to respect my husband and that Alan has me, so he must respect that, but it doesn't been that he can't want what Alan has.

 

 

More and more I feel confused and wrong and evil. I feel like I am a bad person and how can I possible think these thoughts. I know he still loves me and I feel the same, but I really do love Alan, he is my best friend and even if we weren't sexually together, I couldn't live without him in my life I think. I couldn't hurt him. But why do I feel this way and what will happen when I go out there? He is still a virgin and has no plans on sleeping with me, but says he longs to hold me- same here... HELP!!!

[Pocky]

Did he (Rick) ever say why he just suddenly disappeared?

[Barby]

nevermind i didn't read all your post....guess your husband knows about "rick" but just beware because you fell in love with who you think "rick" is you don't know how his life REALLY is, you only know what he's told you!

 

Also why stay with someone who doesn't want the same things as you, who wants to bring other's into your sex life and who doesn't care too much that you talk on the phone 5 hours a day to another man?? sad sad!

[cutelilshortie]

Rick told me that he was on his way out here to see me and rolled his jeep in Colorado. He even showed me pics of the car. He also said that his mom and everyone said that they thought he'd never come home if he had made it out here.

 

 

Also- about Alan, I think most of the time he means well, but he just is always glued to his computer and working on cars and all that. He says he is jelous of Rick, but that he trusts me, which makes me feel bad.

 

 

Also weird, is that lately when we make love, I dont want to- I feel like I dunno, weird. It just doesn't feel right and I dunno why that is? But would I risk my marriage for a guy I've never met in person even? It sounds incredibly stupid out loud, but when I talk to him... I dunno- I feel different. I guess I need to see, just meet him and find out, but then what? Go through a divorce? Marry Rick? Move to Iowa? None of it seems logical. And I dont want to hurt Alan.

 

HELP!!

[Taken_Angel]

Sorry sweety the ONLY one that can help you is YOU maybe you should consider a seperation, go to Iowa and meet "rick" then make a choice....if it sounds illogical why do it why not just cut contact with "rick" and focus on your relationship with your husband?

 

Yes you were too young to get married, Alan was a rebound plain and simple and now you're kind of stuck...doesn't it make you wish you'd thought through things a little better??

[Bubbles]

If you don't want to hurt Allan.......then STOP what you are doing. When he finds out.......he's going to be hurt and angry and jealous & EVERYTHING.

 

Like Barbie said.......Why bother staying then? It's too late now (because you are married) to find out the "what if's......" You don't have the freedom to do that now. You took a vow before God & Church.

 

If you are not happy then change your situation to make you happy. Don't insult yourself and your husband by messing around.

 

 

Bubbles

[jmargel]

Rick told me that he was on his way out here to see me and rolled his jeep in Colorado. He even showed me pics of the car. He also said that his mom and everyone said that they thought he'd never come home if he had made it out here.

 

If you actually believe that line of crap then it is true 'A sucker is born every minute'. Rick is not the guy he says he is. He's probably some 50 year old who's just looking for some thrills from a young chick. Pictures don't mean anything either. I can send you any picture you want. Just search around enough from google.com You have feelings for a guy you never met, probably never saw on a webcam and emotionally cheating on your fiancee.

 

Also- about Alan, I think most of the time he means well, but he just is always glued to his computer and working on cars and all that. He says he is jelous of Rick, but that he trusts me, which makes me feel bad.

 

Ever think it's because of what YOU are doing? Why should Alan want to be with you with the way you are treating him? You are suppose to be marrying this guy and yet you are cheating with another. Not sexually but in every other way. You are being initimate with this 'Rick'.

 

Here's some advice, grow up. Realize you are being played for as a fool with 'Rick'. Stop all contact with him, and see a marriage counselor if you want things to work out between you & Alan. You are not ready for marriage, you are still too immature for this. I'm not trying to be offensive, but you have alot to think about.

[Jacksin]

I agree with jmargel, and think you should GROW UP.

 

You sound like a spoilt brat who is looking in a candy store window and cant make up her mind. Personally I dont care whom you chose because I believe you are not worthy of either.

Jack

[Samuel62]

Not buying the happily married theme -- You're too young to understand this, but I'll tell you anyway.

 

You're way too young to be married, don't know what you're doing, and about to compound one mistake with another.

 

Thinking about another guy? The 'pefect' stranger? You shouldn't be married yet. To anyone.