I thought I wanted more, but he doesn't, I can't let go of this

[Prettybones]

I met someone about 3 months ago through a friend. Immediately we started texting daily, and hit it off really well. I got the feeling he liked me a lot, but we rarely saw each other or hung out, maybe only once a week or so. Then I slept with him and I didn't feel comfortable because I felt it was too soon (a month after we met). After that he stopped texting as much and we only saw each other every two weeks. Then every time I talked to him he started criticizing me and inadverdently tried to start drama and push me away. Then it was established that we were only "friends with benefits". I was okay with this at first because I am not ready to be serious with anyone yet. I just went along with the bs.

 

Come to find out later he was still talking/sleeping with an ex that he broke up with a few months before him and I met. This didn't bother me except for the fact that he denied it. He denied that he was hooking up with or sleeping with or dating anyone else. I pretty much shoved that under the rug. I was ok with the friends with benefits arrangement for a little bit. But then every time we were together I got more attached and imagined more between us.

 

Moral of the story, this guy is bad news, yet I can't stop responding to him when he texts me. There are so many red flags I just ignore and ignore. he admitted cheating on his ex and being in two relationships at once. He always has excuses about why he can't hang out and that he's busy. He doesn't make me a priority unless he wants sex. It all makes me feel horrible but I can't let go.

 

Then, about a month ago was the cherry on top of the cake. I went over to his house and he seemed really pissed off and not happy that I was coming over. Yet, I went anyway figuring if he saw me he would be nice. NOPE. The second I walked in he acted super anxious and weird and kept making "jokes" that were rude and not funny. Then I tried being affectionate and he told me he wasn't "in the mood". Then he told me he had to go to sleep and I had to leave. The weirdest part about it was that he looked like he was going to cry the whole time like he felt guilty about something. Basically taking the hint I stormed out and pretty much cried the whole way home. I deleted his number and stopped talking to him.

 

He is moody, unpredictable, disrespectful, rude, a liar, selfish. I know that. I just can't let go that he basically thinks nothing of me.

 

Now I find out he's already replaced me with some other girl (and the ex gf) and is telling her the same line of bs. Thinking I had gotten rid of him he texts me last week telling me he misses me and he wants to see me. I COULDN'T say no, even knowing how he is stringing other girls along and probably sleeping with them. Now the cycle continues. Mind you, I'm a smart girl, I see that he's stringing other girls along and only uses me for sex but I can't get rid of him. Its like a high. Every time I see him I get stuck on what could be, and all the good things about him. Then I hope, "maybe since he saw me he'll see how much he likes me." I like hanging out with him but he lacks respect for me. He is messed up in the head and I am going along for the ride. I honestly believe I am addicted to him and the high that goes along with the whole effed up relationship.

 

I don't know why I can't walk away and what it's going to take for me to stop. I know he is bad for me, I know it's all about the sex. I just don't know how to let go permanently.

[skywriter]

I met someone about 3 months ago through a friend. Immediately we started texting daily, and hit it off really well. I got the feeling he liked me a lot, but we rarely saw each other or hung out, maybe only once a week or so. Then I slept with him and I didn't feel comfortable because I felt it was too soon (a month after we met). After that he stopped texting as much and we only saw each other every two weeks. Then every time I talked to him he started criticizing me and inadverdently tried to start drama and push me away. Then it was established that we were only "friends with benefits". I was okay with this at first because I am not ready to be serious with anyone yet. I just went along with the bs.

 

Come to find out later he was still talking/sleeping with an ex that he broke up with a few months before him and I met. This didn't bother me except for the fact that he denied it. He denied that he was hooking up with or sleeping with or dating anyone else. I pretty much shoved that under the rug. I was ok with the friends with benefits arrangement for a little bit. But then every time we were together I got more attached and imagined more between us.

 

Moral of the story, this guy is bad news, yet I can't stop responding to him when he texts me. There are so many red flags I just ignore and ignore. he admitted cheating on his ex and being in two relationships at once. He always has excuses about why he can't hang out and that he's busy. He doesn't make me a priority unless he wants sex. It all makes me feel horrible but I can't let go.

 

Then, about a month ago was the cherry on top of the cake. I went over to his house and he seemed really pissed off and not happy that I was coming over. Yet, I went anyway figuring if he saw me he would be nice. NOPE. The second I walked in he acted super anxious and weird and kept making "jokes" that were rude and not funny. Then I tried being affectionate and he told me he wasn't "in the mood". Then he told me he had to go to sleep and I had to leave. The weirdest part about it was that he looked like he was going to cry the whole time like he felt guilty about something. Basically taking the hint I stormed out and pretty much cried the whole way home. I deleted his number and stopped talking to him.

 

He is moody, unpredictable, disrespectful, rude, a liar, selfish. I know that. I just can't let go that he basically thinks nothing of me.

 

Now I find out he's already replaced me with some other girl (and the ex gf) and is telling her the same line of bs. Thinking I had gotten rid of him he texts me last week telling me he misses me and he wants to see me. I COULDN'T say no, even knowing how he is stringing other girls along and probably sleeping with them. Now the cycle continues. Mind you, I'm a smart girl, I see that he's stringing other girls along and only uses me for sex but I can't get rid of him. Its like a high. Every time I see him I get stuck on what could be, and all the good things about him. Then I hope, "maybe since he saw me he'll see how much he likes me." I like hanging out with him but he lacks respect for me. He is messed up in the head and I am going along for the ride. I honestly believe I am addicted to him and the high that goes along with the whole effed up relationship.

 

I don't know why I can't walk away and what it's going to take for me to stop. I know he is bad for me, I know it's all about the sex. I just don't know how to let go permanently.

 

 

OMG, ((Prettybones)), you can do this for yourself, you can get yourself the heck out of this soul draining situation.

 

Alot of the elemnts you are describing remind me of the A that I allowed to go on for nearly six yrs.

 

First of all, you are on the right track by acknowledging what you know to be happening and your choices in what is going on.

 

You are wiser than you give yourself credit for, so don't lose faith here. This why I feel you can get yourself away from this sad person that's dragging you down.

 

First thing is to decide when you've had enough and realise this is when you will be on the path of putting it all behind you. When you do, it,s gonna feel like the burden is lifting, because it does feel like a heavy load on you to carry on being who he wants you to be.

 

You get decide who you wanna be, not him. You'll never give that power to anyone else , particularly one that doesn't appreciate you and respect you.

[TaraMaiden]

<snip>

I don't know why I can't walk away and what it's going to take for me to stop. I know he is bad for me, I know it's all about the sex. I just don't know how to let go permanently.

 

Yes, you do.

You're just asking us to be your will-power.

Can't be done.

we can throw all the great, good, sound wise advice and counsel you want.

Nothing will come of it unless you actually do it.

 

So you DO know.

[Girlboots]

Girl, I know exactly how that feels. This dude turned me into his biatch. It came to a point where I loved being around him more than I respected myself! Imagine that! I also view myself as a smart girl, but getting attention and affection from a guy when you're lonely seems like something you can't resist. But you can.

 

It take TIME! LOTS OF TIME! Time can't heal all wounds, but this is one of the things time will eventually make better. The guy I was with treated me the same way, acted like a jerk, said he missed me when I gave him his space to reel me back in. You need to take control of the situation. He's used to manipulating girls because he figured out your weakness. All he has to do is sweet talk you into doing what he wants, and you're back.

 

Let me tell you something, this guy isn't gonna change. And you probably won't get over it until another guy comes along, but whatever you do, leave him alone. Yeah, you'll be miserable for a while, but you'll get over it and ask yourself what you saw in him. I stopped talking to this guy for SIX months. Six long, hard, lonely months, but now I'm fine. He texts me every now and then telling me he misses me and he wished he treated me better, but I don't respond. In fact, he texted me last week saying he still thinks about me. I finally responded, and you know what I did? For the first time, I put him in his place. I told him he can go kick rocks, and he hasn't stopped texting me since.

 

GIVE UP ON HIM!!! You will find someone better that won't make you feel like ****! Trust me! You've gotten so used to the routine of seeing him, and the high of being with him, that you can't imagine being ok without him in your life, but you'll be ok.

[Prettybones]

Crazy thing is I've tried dating other guys but for some reason my mind just goes back to him. He isn't nice and he isn't that great, but I can't get past that feeling I get around him. It's all up and down. Plus it is my fault that I get rid of him and then can't say no when he comes crawling back for sex. I just gotta be strong. Thanks.

[skywriter]

I COULDN'T say no, even knowing how he is stringing other girls along and probably sleeping with them.

 

 

Sometimes anger is a useful emotion for moving things along for ourselves. Consider the above quote from your OP. The risk of std's for you have increased by him sleeping with multiple wome, even with a condom.

 

Add to that his arrogant, narcissistic tendencies. Just please, consider these things.

Edited December 12, 2012 by skywriter