Author neveragain34 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 I sent an email to my ex-mm's wife cuz he was being a proper a-hole to me and I wasn't having it. I still struggle with the should I or shouldn't I have told her question? A part of Me says no I shouldn't have because maybe we could've remained friends if I never did, yet another part of me says I did the right thing. She needed to know. So those are the pro's and con's you need to weigh. At the moment I emailed her I was just reacting out of anger & I seriously wanted him out of My life forever. Make sure if you contact her, it's not out of anger and also make sure that you FOR SURE WANT HIM GONE, because not only can it backfire, he most likely won't leave her and he will be super pissed at you for a long time to come. Make sure you are ready for that. You did the right thing; he doesn't deserve your friendship. I am sure I want him gone and wouldn't be doing this so he can leave her for me. I do not want him at all, even if he did leave her or she left him. I am so disgusted by the whole CL thing. Finally see the light and realize I was nothing special. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain34 Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 why not just send the email yourself instead? I take it YOU don't want to have the fallout and have MM hate you. This is why you're taking the passive approach and pretending it wasn't you who is sending the email to his wife? If you're gonna blow up her world, do it in an honest way. It's like you're scared of totally losing MM. IF you want it over and you want him out of your life, then please find the courage to send her an email directly from you. Your way, your hands are clean on some level. I promise you I am not scared of loosing him at all. I don't want that dirty pig. I am just afraid of what he can do to me if he knew I was behind it. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I promise you I am not scared of loosing him at all. I don't want that dirty pig. I am just afraid of what he can do to me if he knew I was behind it. He is going to know that it was you. He may not have proof but he will know. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 He is going to know that it was you. He may not have proof but he will know. I tend to agree with this. I get that you don't want him to turn on you. Who else knew of your affair? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MourningLosses Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I would tell her. If it were me I would feel very differently about a "love" affair vs a serial cheater for shallow sex. And everyone's right the std risk is ridiculously high. Also if she finds out later anyway and links to you you will get lumped in with the rest..and him- after all you met on match. But fwiw you have a potentially crazy MM you don't need a crazy MMW too. So don't do what I did. I tried to explain how it happened and how I was lied to- try don't care about that. They see you as just as guilty and rant about you justifying your A and then they won't listen to the TRUTH you speak. Who cares if she knows you were duped? That's not why you're doing it. Just apologize and pretend its all your own fault as much ad his but then let the Craigslist thing speak for itself. Hopefully eventually she will at least be glad you told her even if she hates you. Why care if he hates you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 But fwiw you have a potentially crazy MM you don't need a crazy MMW too. So don't do what I did. I tried to explain how it happened and how I was lied to- try don't care about that. They see you as just as guilty and rant about you justifying your A and then they won't listen to the TRUTH you speak. Who cares if she knows you were duped? That's not why you're doing it. Just apologize and pretend its all your own fault as much ad his but then let the Craigslist thing speak for itself. Here's the thing: if the OP really speaks the TRUTH, then eventually she will get to the part where "I continued to see him after I discovered he was still married to you..." And that pretty much - and very understandably - dwarfs any claim or defense that the OP was duped. This wringing of the hands that "They see you as just as guilty and rant about you justifying your A and then they won't listen to the TRUTH you speak" only holds water if you broke off all contact the instant you found out about him really being married. If you didn't do that, then yes, he is still the #1 scumbag, but the other operative truth is that you chose to continue the affair after you knew. If that is "the truth", than having been duped earlier in the process doesn't make any difference. To the OP - I agree with those who say "Own it." Yes, she does deserve to know, and not through a continuation of the sneaky hide-and-seek games. And along the same theme as above, your level of disgust about what a pig he is would have been understandable if you had stopped as soon as you found out he was married. But it sounds to me like you didn't get disgusted until you found out you weren't "the only other one." Although I know this sounds like the "lecture" you weren't looking for, it relates directly to your prime question of how and what to tell his wife. If you go in saying "oh, woe is me, I was duped, and your husband is a pig", you will sound less credible to her, and more to the point, you are not coming clean with yourself. If you at least have the character to say "I made a choice, and I was completely wrong, and being duped early on doesn't mitigate that..." - at least when looking yourself in the mirror, if not to his wife - then you've got a chance for some growth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Don't care what your motivation is or how you do it, but please tell her. She hasn't got a marriage really has she? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I know I am a coward for wanting to be anonymous, but I'm so afraid of what he will do in retaliation. So, now you're physically afraid of him? WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I am so disgusted by the whole CL thing. Finally see the light and realize I was nothing special. This is what I meant in my very first post that you were jealous. Not of his wife, but of possible "another" another woman. Again, sorry if I came off as harsh or judgmental. But you can't not expect that when you actually do have some fault in this and not wanting to own up to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain34 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Share Posted December 13, 2012 I tend to agree with this. I get that you don't want him to turn on you. Who else knew of your affair? My close friends knew of the affair and a couple of his close friends from work. I'm sure there have been other women he cheated with as well now that I see his true colors. Wife (and him) could think its one of them emailing him. I've already laid the groundwork today and told him I was interested in pursuing someone else who has recently shown interest (true actually). He was not happy at all, but said he knew this day would come. He even said he was not going to be my plan B! Such a hypocrite. Tomorrow or Friday, BS will get the CL email and she can do what she wants with the info. I'm done with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author neveragain34 Posted December 13, 2012 Author Share Posted December 13, 2012 So, now you're physically afraid of him? WTF? Not physically afraid of him, but you never know what a person can do if angered enough. He is not the person I thought he was for so long. Everything has been a lie, so you never know what a person like that is capable of. (Yes, I should have know that if he lied to his wife what makes me think it wouldn't happen to me. Again, we are talking about now, not the past. I was blind.) Link to post Share on other sites
Lamplight Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 All those personals on craiglist are full of people with serious issues! IM NOT KIDDING. i was stupid enough to meet 2 people off of it. TELL HIS WIFE. she can end up with an STD. Link to post Share on other sites
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