swills22 Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Me and my ex-girlfriend were dating for almost 3 years. About two months ago i cheated on her, and then i broke up with her the next day because i did not want to hurt her. Little did i know that the girl i cheated on her with was friends with this other girl who's boyfriend is my ex-girlfriends good friend. Well he ended up telling my ex and she was furious with me. About 2 weeks after that she started to date somebody else. We've been trying to talk here and there but it seems like she doesn't really want to try. I did a lot of soul searching and have actually changed quite a bit since we broke up. It seems that she still cares for me but i'm not actually sure if she will ever want to try to get back together again. I've been trying really hard and i'm not exactly sure what to do. I messed up and really regret it, and i just don't know how to get her back. Please give me some advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted August 12, 2004 Share Posted August 12, 2004 Try telling her how much you screwed up... or bringing her some flowers, writing her a letter... something that shows you care about her deeply. Maybe not bringing her flowers exactly... but you get my drift. Be honest with her. If she doesn't take you back... then you may have hurt her too deeply, and she made the decision that she is ready to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
youcandealw/it Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 honesty is the best policy.#1 mistake you made is you should have told the truth instead of trying to avoid it.if she does take you back she'll probaly never fully trust you again.so,my advice to you is be honest even if your scared to.if you would have been honest in the first place forgiveness might have been easier for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author swills22 Posted August 13, 2004 Author Share Posted August 13, 2004 Since we've broken up I've been through a few different stages. First was the really upset stage, I want you back more than anything stage. Then it was forget it, there are tons more girls out there. But then I really started to think about all the mistakes that I had made in the relationship. And I really started to realize exactly what kind of person I am and exactly what kind of person I want to be. Now I'm taking various steps to transform myself into that person that will make me happy. Now the only thing I'm missing is her. I've done many things to try to show her I care. She just gives me mixed signals and I'm not exactly sure how to take them. One minute she wants to talk and try to be friends. Then the next minute she doesn't want me to call her or see her. I'm trying so hard to give her time, but I'm not sure when I should move on, or if I should move on. Please help me out. Tell me what you think. Link to post Share on other sites
joeyNoelle Posted August 13, 2004 Share Posted August 13, 2004 Sorry to say this but cheating is a deal breaker. Don't expect her to come back if she has any pride,its only now that you have lost her than you can begin to appreciate her and you want her back because she moved on. She probably still feels hurt but she won't ever fully trust you again.She may still care but at the end of the day you mistreated her and once a cheater always a cheateris what she is thinking. best to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Actually no! Cheating is not necessarily a deal breaker. It takes a long time to heal from, and both parties need to be committed to the ongoing relationship, but most marriages survive infidelity, and many long-term relationships can, as well. This doesn't mean anyone should do it. It's about the most painful thing you can inflict on someone you love, and there is still a big chance you will lose your partner over it. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted August 14, 2004 Share Posted August 14, 2004 Swills, Generally cheating is a deal breaker these days. Times have changed. She may be different but I believe it'll take a while to get her back and you will have to make the effort to woo her back. You might want to give it a cooling off period before you let her know you realize you screwed up. You are one of the few people that I've heard that did the screwing up that sounds repentant and acknowledges that you truly made a mistake. I applaud you for that. Many go through that stage too early when they are needier than anything and don't realize that they will say and do anything to get the person back but it doesn't last. But it sounds like you "got it". That takes a pretty self aware person and I know so few self aware men. Best of luck to you. It's entirely possible that she will never give you another chance but if she does, I hope you know better how to treat her. And even if she doesn't, you'll know how to treat the next one better and keep her. Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 My bf cheated on me after we were together for a year. I was SO convinced it was over...but we did get back together and have been trying to work it out. It's going to take HARD work on both of your parts. Get ready to be the most patient man alive, because she is going to get angry out of nowhere, and question you even when you had the most innocent of intentions. If you think you can deal with that, than give it a go. If you're gonna get frustrated and tell her you made a mistake and to just get over it, then forget about it. You broke something really special, and you made that decision to give her up...so don't be so surprised when things don't fall back into place right away. People do make mistakes...I know my bf regrets it. But as one who got cheated on, I know what I've been thru, and I know that unless both parties are going to work at it, it can fall apart really easily. BabyBear Link to post Share on other sites
treegirl Posted August 16, 2004 Share Posted August 16, 2004 Cheating is horrible, you would have hurt her deeply but if your love is meant to survicve you will get back together. Why would you throw away a 3 year relationship by cheating?? Show her that you really do care for her and regret badly cheating on her.... it might work.... it will certainly take some time though... Love TreeGirl xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
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