Riiighteous Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 This may sound like a silly question but...why do some girls always have boyfriends, while other girls can never seem to have a guy ask them out? A little background history, I grew up being pretty overweight and lost a lot of weight in my high school years. Ever since I don't assume guys like me, and the fact that no one really asks me out solidifies those thoughts. I tend to be super shy, and I also am taller than most girls (so I feel like most guys want petite girls). I have on more than one occasion, had a couple guys tell me that they were interested in me but were intimidated to ask me out. It was pretty frustrating to hear that. I then had a long time relationship with a guy I thought I loved, and he cheated on and left me for another girl who was smaller,skinnier, and prettier. That was a rough punch to my self esteem. It's been almost a year since that all happened, and still have not had anyone ask me out. I think there is something wrong with me...but other people tell me all the time that i'm pretty. I'm confused...help please? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riiighteous Posted December 11, 2012 Author Share Posted December 11, 2012 I could, but it just seems odd to always have to be the initiator. I guess the real question goes back to why are some girls constantly pursued by guys and other girls not so much? I feel like most normal girls get hit on all the time... Link to post Share on other sites
tman666 Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 The same thing can happen to guys that were formerly overweight. As you are keenly aware, overweight children are often ostracized and teased to a point that it effects their self esteem and how they perceive themselves compared to others. This feeling of feeling "less" or "unworthy" can persist even after the extra weight is gone. Unfortunately, these internalized negative self views tend to manifest themselves in our outward behaviors, despite our best attempts to hide them. As a result, you might be projecting your inner feelings of being unattractive, even if you're not doing it consciously. Working on boosting your self confidence and changing your "inner voice" to resonate more positively might affect the way you carry yourself, and thus how people perceive you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ooglesnboogles Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 ... and I also am taller than most girls ... Why can I never find girls who are tall? I'm 6'4", and it seems every girl I see is 5'4". I agree with tman666. I've lost a lot of weight in the past few years and it wasn't until recently (2, 3 months) that I started having any confidence in my looks. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, but there were a lot of opportunities I passed because I was sure the girl wouldn't be attracted to me. Are you being pursued by guys who don't ask you out? Or just not finding anyone at all? If you've got guys after you, you don't have to necessarily ask them out, just drop very very obvious hints. See if that helps. As to the original question, I dunno. Why do some guys get the attention of every girl in the room, even if they're not male-supermodel looking? Probably has to do a lot with presence and personality. Some people have that presence that when they appear, people notice. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 This may sound like a silly question but...why do some girls always have boyfriends, while other girls can never seem to have a guy ask them out? I think there is something wrong with me...but other people tell me all the time that i'm pretty. I'm confused...help please? Why? I was always the girl who had a boyfriend whenever I wanted (and plenty waiting around when I didn't want one for a while) and I'll tell you, I asked them out as much as they were asking me out. You think there's something wrong with you? Sounds like what is actually wrong is your way of thinking, your attitude toward dating. You're sitting on the sidelines waiting around or what? The longest relationship I had, by the way are when I asked him out. Too bad I didn't wait longer and get to know those guys better or I wouldn't have asked them out at all but my point is, get out there and start asking guys out. Be friendly and outspoken and open up your own world. Don't wait around! I think being so outgoing and quick to get what I wanted was a big part of why guys were always asking me out. They knew they couldn't waste any time because I'd find somebody and ask him out in a heartbeat. There's no time like the present. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riiighteous Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 Why can I never find girls who are tall? I'm 6'4", and it seems every girl I see is 5'4". I agree with tman666. I've lost a lot of weight in the past few years and it wasn't until recently (2, 3 months) that I started having any confidence in my looks. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, but there were a lot of opportunities I passed because I was sure the girl wouldn't be attracted to me. Are you being pursued by guys who don't ask you out? Or just not finding anyone at all? If you've got guys after you, you don't have to necessarily ask them out, just drop very very obvious hints. See if that helps. As to the original question, I dunno. Why do some guys get the attention of every girl in the room, even if they're not male-supermodel looking? Probably has to do a lot with presence and personality. Some people have that presence that when they appear, people notice. Ok good point. I agree that some people just have a presence. For you guys out there...what stands out to you when you meet a new girl?I think I lack any presence, and obviously I know I need more self confidence and am trying to work on it. Link to post Share on other sites
ooglesnboogles Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Ok good point. I agree that some people just have a presence. For you guys out there...what stands out to you when you meet a new girl?I think I lack any presence, and obviously I know I need more self confidence and am trying to work on it. I think for me, girls who are always smiling stand out to me. I've known a few who would just light up at little jokes, or when they saw their friends. There's a psychological mirror connection that happens when you see someone smiling that makes you want to smile, so that's part of it. It works the other way too, so if you're frowning or huddled up, that's kind of how the other person feels, even if you're just being shy. Unfortunately for me, my face naturally looks like a frown (my eyebrows tend to droop down making me look very intense too) so I have to actively work to look happy so as not to scare people off. I didn't realize this until a year or two ago, but in high school I remember my buddies girlfriend said a lot of girls thought I was cute but were scared or intimidated by me because of my natural look. I don't have much of a presence as it is, but I've realized that if I stand up straight and walk slowly, I appear a little more powerful/commanding. I'm a tall guy with big shoulders, it works. I think part of having a presence is finding out what works for you. The girls I notice have that smiling presence, it seems like they're either always smiling even if they're not. Sometimes I see a cute girl waiting for a class or something, but if she looks like she's preoccupied, or having a bad day, I'm less likely to talk to her. Hope that helps! And hopefully it's not too much of a nonsensical ramble =P 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Asiana Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 I agree with tman666. I've lost a lot of weight in the past few years and it wasn't until recently (2, 3 months) that I started having any confidence in my looks. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, but there were a lot of opportunities I passed because I was sure the girl wouldn't be attracted to me. It will take some time to get adjusted to your "new skin" I just spent the last year getting in better shape, although, I'm not to my perfect form yet. I'm also tall (6ft 4), so it has been much easier to hide the fat I had. But the the main post at point, tall women are desirable, I certainly look for that "type" myself. My current GF is short and fat, I I find the weight undesirable, especially considering I worked so hard to loose mine. Not to over simplify problems (and there are many issues we have), but I'm about finished with the relationship because I'm not attracted to her. I know this sounds petty, but it isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ooglesnboogles Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 So it's agreed. Tall girls are awesome and should be more confident 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 Tall girls are gorgeous!! Naturally!!! I've had many girlfriends ask how i "get" men to be attracted to me. I am naturally a smiling laughing bubbly person. I talk to strangers. I look good IMO whenever i leave the house. And i ask guys out. Many are just as nervous, or more nervous, than you are!!! You will get rejected. You will get dumped. But you keep trying. There are ALWAYS more men out there. Start doing things that affirm your self worth. Working out. Being creative. Whatever it is that makes you feel good. P.S. Over here in Italy you'd automatically be beautiful based on your height alone!!! Good luck lady and don't give up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 If guys admitted being "intimidated" it is possible that you are more good-looking than you think. Tman above points to a syndrome I share. I was a fat child--oh hell, I'm a fat man at the moment too--but I lost over 100 lbs a couple of times and as much as 60 and 80 lbs at other times so I know very well how people treat you if you're basically good-looking but have that history of being treated poorly. I had my first bid weight loss when I was 15/16 and I had also grown to 6'3". Guys were envious suddenly of my looks and girls were shy with me. They probably thought I was always outstanding-looking but inside I was still a scaredy-cat in the extreme and blushed very easily. Later on I gained back weight and I was again overlooked or "not included"--then I would get it together again and the same thing would happen--I'd look like a hunk but feel like a chunk. Eventually I stumbled into Prozac for depression over a break-up and that ended my blushing. Even though I'm heavy again, I am never nervous with people. Perhaps you have some social anxiety and you might want to explore that with a psychiatrist. It's not an admission of imperfection--it's a mark of strength because we are all imperfect and good things go to those who face their shortfalls and don't give up until they are overcome no matter how (within legalities). Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ooglesnboogles Posted December 14, 2012 Share Posted December 14, 2012 More good points being made! As Sweetkiwi said, guys get very nervous about asking girls out. I can speak for experience, saying as I missed two chances with the same girl today! (though I'm proud to say I did get around to it). I would sure love it if it were the norm for girls to meet guys halfway here, or at least do like they do in the media ("well, you know, I'm free a lot... just saying"). Toss the ball up underhand and there's a good chance he'll take a swing. Link to post Share on other sites
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