Keeping Passion Alive ?

[HeavenOrHell]

Your point was that no-one should trust their partner, and your other point was that sometimes it's beyond our control what ends up on the net.

 

>My general POV on this is to be really cautious. Maybe I'm paranoid, but we have readers and users here who're just 15. But even if you're 22 and you go on cam naked with very intimate acts, you never know what will happen afterwards. It's quite easy for anyone to record a videochat session. And it can turn against you. I would also suggest NOT to do it if you call him a boyfriend and you've never met him. That'd be a no-no for me. First you get to know the person IRL and then you decide. Even if you think you can trust him, we've all read stories in here where the person was really not to be trusted, unluckily.<

 

Read Elswyth's and my replies again to these points, I'm not going to repeat myself again.

My partner also works in IT and if he thought there was any real danger of any of our personal stuff being public viewing no way would he do it in the first place.

 

 

 

 

You missed the point and I give up.

[bluegreen]

Either you all live in some lalaland, or I don't know.

 

Please just acknowledge that there are things that are beyond your control and your good will/conscience whatever. EVEN when you trust your partner and he's worth your trust.

 

Who works in IT knows that very well.

 

It'd be like saying "I'm not leaving my country, so I won't get meningitis": hey, that's not a sure fact. That's all.

 

 

 

I have to say some answers here left me speechless as for those petty childish aww she hurt my feelings comments there is blessed ignore option.

 

You are right girl this is like la la land some even mention and call people that would have all the right in a world to be hurt by "my" stupid actions "LAME" :

Lame is mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend, new finance or husband, boss of that great job I always wanted they are all LAME.

 

Just because they don't think what I did was OK or support it maybe even clap their hands delightfully for my stupidity they are LAME

cause hey so what CELEBRITIES are doing it all the time.

 

Sweet Lord and every other heavenly creature I heard some things but never EVER this kind my freaking IQ just fell to the bottom by reading this S .....

[bluegreen]

I hear that... What I have been trying to say is and justwhoami has as well. There are plenty of ways that this stuff can get leaked out which is out of you and your partners control. Trust has nothing to do with this, great you trust your partner fantastic.

 

But you are in lala land if you think there is no way this stuff can get leaked, hacked or accessed. Your partners trust isn't going to prevent that. I'm not saying it is going to happen to you, however it is naive to just write that off as an impossibility.

 

I will give you a very simple scenario that happens every day. Someone loses their phone/laptop, people bring me phones to fix every day at work because for some reason they think it's part of my job which it isn't.

 

Anyway the amount of stupid **** people store on phones for starters is just astounding. I've just been fixing someones phone oh whats this? naked pictures of some girl I have no ****ing idea who that is. I don't even have to look for this stuff it's there in plain daylight. People don't even need to hack these days, people offer up information on a silver platter in the form of phones. Get physical access to someones phone/laptop it doesn't take a genius to figure ways to get in.

 

Phones are not secure devices and I often see the as them weakest link in peoples digital profiles. If you have a itunes account or gmail linked to your phone and also to your computers, god help you if you ever lose your phone.

 

Laptops are easy to access as well unless you have taken some sort of preventative measure (which the vast majority of people do not.)

 

Just go look up some of the apple cases of people getting their macbooks, ipads or whatever crap remotely deleted because they lost their phone. Apple knew about it for years, but that can mean the opposite as well your devices can be accessed remotely. Yes there are people out there who have nothing better to do and get a rise out of doing stuff like this to random people.

 

Ever sold a computer/laptop or thrown out an old computer with the hard drive in it still in it? Congratulations you just gave someone pretty much all your personal information or whatever naughty fun times you may have had stored on that. No deleting files in your recycle bin does not actually delete files fun fact.

 

I could go on all day but I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. It is a fact, if you have digital copies of any of this stuff some less scrupulous person may get access to it even if you partner is trustworthy it doesn't matter. That is a risk you take if you do this, which if you are fine with then that is great but it is naive to just dismiss it. Peoples lives have been ruined by what seemed like a harmless video/photos, careers ruined, reputations ruined, people commit suicide over this. Go look up Amanda Todd and tell me that is 100% safe. I'm writing this for the younger members of this board not for the rest of you.

 

This is a serious problem for the youth of today and if you haven't noticed we have quite a few younger people coming through here, I won't sugar coat it as a risk free activity just because some of you feel like disregarding reality and facts.

 

If you are fine with the risks then fine but don't pretend they don't exist. Do you know how many minors who just turned 18 are getting put on sex offenders lists for having digital copies of photos/videos of their boyfriends/girlfriends who are still underage in my country? A lot, it's a real problem.

 

 

It seems we are loosing breath for nothing and more the pity its not younger people that are deaf or blind here as you can see from post's ...

[Million.to.1]

I have to say some answers here left me speechless as for those petty childish aww she hurt my feelings comments there is blessed ignore option.

 

You are right girl this is like la la land some even mention and call people that would have all the right in a world to be hurt by "my" stupid actions "LAME" :

Lame is mom, dad, sister, brother, best friend, new finance or husband, boss of that great job I always wanted they are all LAME.

 

Just because they don't think what I did was OK or support it maybe even clap their hands delightfully for my stupidity they are LAME

cause hey so what CELEBRITIES are doing it all the time.

 

Sweet Lord and every other heavenly creature I heard some things but never EVER this kind my freaking IQ just fell to the bottom by reading this S .....

 

You completely missed my point.

 

And feel free to quote me outright next time. There's nothing "lamer" in my opinion, than passive aggressive responses to opinions you don't like by using terms like "some people" when it's perfectly obvious you are referring to my post.

...Or put me on your "ignore" list. Probably better you just stick with reading posts you agree with, right?

 

I am in complete agreement with HeavenOrHell & Elswyth on this. I have never said that sharing anything via the net is without risk, nor did i say that "because celebs are doing it, it's ok"

I just fail to see why everyone is so paranoid about it. If someone sees a photo of me in my undies... Who cares! It's only going to ruin my life if i get my knickers in a knot about it and act like its the worst thing to ever happen to me. I guess i don't see my body and sharing it with a loved one as being an act of stupidity, and that is the difference.

Edited December 18, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[pettie]

This was a very interesting thread to follow.

 

I can see 2 perspectives:

 

1. People get into relationships with others in the grounds of love, trust and commitment (most adults try to, anyway). Trustworthiness and honour. Ergo, if A is in a relationship with B, and B represents all A looks for in a partner, why be suspicious?

 

2. Yes, everything that is done through the internet can be leaked, and we would be naive if we thought this was impossible.

 

If number one always were the case, why would one worry about this person distributing the videos or something? Practically speaking, and it's about what Carenth I think was trying to say, the possible exposure of these videos, photos, etc can occur, even when the partner is trustworthy, in the scenarios he has described. I think that, for some people, is not a question of trust at all. It's just about avoiding any possible future consequence that doing it could have.

 

Personally, I don't see videocam-ing as something wrong. You have to be smart enough, though, and know who you are doing it with, ie.- do it while in a commited, long term, adult relationship, as HoH, Elswyth and Million.to.1 say.

 

Obviously, the possible leaking affects people in different ways, some people would care too much about it, while some others would just shrug it off. One just has to be aware of the risk and consequences. If you are not able to tolerate that risk, then simply don't.

 

Now, the problematic of kids doing it is another, completely different issue...

[bluegreen]

I love what you said Pattie ( sorry spell check would not let me use your nick )

We all start and begin with same hopes believes and expectations but people can change why how when its no use to guess it could go on forever and never would we get an answer.

As you said this nothing but matter of being careful and protective of your privacy trust in God but tie up your tent as an old Arabic proverb used to say.

Now when I started this tread I have to be honest this is not what I expected it would come to be and I also was very clear on what I did or never have done or would simply cause am first to and second well that's clear why from my answers here.

 

I wanted to see and know other people's opinion's and experiences on it ...

[LittleTiger]

Joining the party very late here but webcam sex is great for those in a serious long term relationship. We've done it many times in our 3 years 'together'. We webcam when showering on a regular basis too. It's just a normal part of our relationship. He watches me getting dressed and undressed and I'll flash him or play sexy with the camera just to titillate him. We behave very much on Skype as we do when we're physically together - as much as is possible anyway.

 

My guess is that those who are scared of being betrayed by their partner with 'sex tapes' are fairly young and/or they have never been in a fully committed relationship.

 

Life is full of risks that we need to consider, but worrying about whether your boyfriend is going to upload sexy videos of you, without your permission, sometime after you break up acrimoniously should not be one of them!

 

If you are in a relationship with someone who you think might potentially go out of their way to embarrass or humiliate you in the future, you might want to be more careful in your choice of partner.

[bluegreen]

To each its own I guess but I have also need to say why is only thing everyone says back "if you can't trust them you have never had committed relationship"

 

I don't get it honestly now member above me was fairly respective in her reply so am trying to be as well to her but truly am confused is this the only come back to this question o you are young o you have no clue what trust is o you never had real relationship.

 

Pray tell how do you know that about me or other posters ?

[LittleTiger]

To each its own I guess but I have also need to say why is only thing everyone says back "if you can't trust them you have never had committed relationship"

 

I don't get it honestly now member above me was fairly respective in her reply so am trying to be as well to her but truly am confused is this the only come back to this question o you are young o you have no clue what trust is o you never had real relationship.

 

Pray tell how do you know that about me or other posters ?

 

I don't know anything about you or many other posters here which is why I said 'My guess is....'. The posters I do know a little better ie HOH and Elswyth, are the ones who think the way I do and all of us have experienced healthy, committed long term relationships. Age is not a determining factor because Elswyth is more than 20 yrs younger than either myself or HOH, but learning to trust your instincts becomes easier the older you get.

 

Knowing who we can trust is something that comes with experience - whether that's experience of several partners, experience of relationships of all kinds (friendship/family etc), or experience of one special person and LTRs cannot work without trust.

 

If you read carefully what I wrote, you'll see that I didn't say you hadn't had a 'real relationship', I said 'a fully committed relationship'. All relationships are real, but not all are between people who are committed to a long term future. When you make a commitment to another person, you have to trust them on a very deep level or the relationship will not work. If you have been in a fully committed relationship in the past then you should understand this already.

 

I don't think I implied anywhere that you don't know what trust is, although you have given a fair indication that you don't feel able to trust your boyfriend.

 

Perhaps you could explain something to me? If you don't trust your partner to keep private things private, whether that is your deepest, darkest fears and insecurities, or videos of you in compromising positions on webcam, how do you become emotionally intimate with that person? Holding back a part of yourself from your partner through fear of them using the information against you doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic to me.

 

If you don't want to have sex on webcam, then don't. That is your right and your decision. However, if your only reason for not doing so is lack of trust in your partner, that doesn't bode well for your future.

[bluegreen]

OK did anyone noticed this little detail in my post my first ever post on this thread with words "my now ex" if not look again then I hope its cleared up once and for all?

I talked about my experience and feelings on this subject but no where did I imply its issue about me not trusting him nor he is an ex because of something like this either.