2sunny Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 You DO have choices. Change jobs as soon as possible! Then never, ever see or communicate with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 Don't we already addressed this particular topic? And remember - the subject of the post is ----"I decided to go back A with the MM", so it should answer your statment/question. You DO have choices. Change jobs as soon as possible! Then never, ever see or communicate with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Nature Boy Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Excuse me, Mount, but I'm new here. I would, however, like you to answer one question for me ,that has me puzzled. How does an affair end, naturally? You used that phrase is a couple of your posts, and it caught my eye. What is "natural" about an affair in the first place? If you consider an affair to be an "unnatural" event (at least for the married person it probably is) then how does this "natural" dis-engagement take place? Thank you for listening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nature Boy Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Thank you, Trinity, for your kind definition, but I was actually asking Mount's thoughts on the subject. Although I disagree when an affair is defined in this manner. I suppose you can say EMR if you want to avoid being truthful or to somehow mitigate the fallout, but EMR implies that everything is on the up and up, and doesn't address the infidelity aspect of an affair, does it? Just like using Pro-choice to avoid saying abortion, or pro-life to avoid saying enforced pregnancy. Putting a neutral face on an unpleasant situation. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
promises Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) You mentioned pathetic OW.. I'm far from pathetic because this resulted in a job loss for me. You don't have all of the criteria to judge that, just as no one else can fully judge your life. What was pathetic was my investment in him. What would be pathetic right now with the knowledge that I have today is repeating the same behavior over and over again and expecting a different result. That's the definition of insanity. Edited December 15, 2012 by promises 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Truth is a relationship is between two people Except around here, when it tends to be between three, or four people! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Don't we already addressed this particular topic? And remember - the subject of the post is ----"I decided to go back A with the MM", so it should answer your statment/question. Yes, I see that you decided not to change a thing. One thing is for certain this way... Things will remain the same. 20 years from now you'll still be in the same place. Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 Nature boy, The correct terminology is an EMA (extra marital affair),which designates that it is a hidden/secret affair! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted December 15, 2012 Author Share Posted December 15, 2012 Hi LadyGrey, as both you and Missbee raised the same question about investing emotion to MM, I was wondering if thinking of him a lot can be categorized as belongs to emotionally investing MM because I do think of him a lot. However I just try my best not make this A impact my normal life as I still want my life growing - workwise and financial wise. Also pls note there has no financial incentives at all from MM, we equally treat each other in gift exhanges/meals. It could be bit of commitment phobia if you have to say that, but the reality is not that simple, yes? IF he is going through leaving wife to be with me, how much troubles he/myself will face? Mount, you have never came across to me as particularly emotionally invested in this man. Maybe it's a language thing, but I get that you don't really care all that much about him, he is just filling a hole and boredom and you like him to chase you and you like the drama of it and the financial incentives. If so........why don't you want more than this? Commitment phobia? Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 MissBee, I am hoping you were not saying you "expected" to see me (should have been more) distraughted. Don't you all see too many distraughted and pathetic OWs here enough? Abortion, moving, jobless...etc etc. I CAN NOT let that happen on me, as I've already said many times already. You mean the strong women who have decided they are done being some MM's toy to play around with and throw in the corner? The women who go NC and stay NC? Are these the pathetic OW that you are talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Nature Boy Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Nah, that's just how the BS wants to view because she/he feels left out.Perhaps because the BS has all of the investment and the op gets all the gravy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted December 16, 2012 Author Share Posted December 16, 2012 I am not saying OWs choose to proceed and stick with NC being pathetic, on the opposite I believe they made choices that will favor their lives, and all results coming from NC will benefit every area of OWs, i.e. emotion healthy wise, financial wise, career wise. I was trying to say that I did not intend to be OWs that emotionally distraught, also affects every angles of lives, which means I won't sacrifice my well-being for the mere Affair. You mean the strong women who have decided they are done being some MM's toy to play around with and throw in the corner? The women who go NC and stay NC? Are these the pathetic OW that you are talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 I am not saying OWs choose to proceed and stick with NC being pathetic, on the opposite I believe they made choices that will favor their lives, and all results coming from NC will benefit every area of OWs, i.e. emotion healthy wise, financial wise, career wise. I was trying to say that I did not intend to be OWs that emotionally distraught, also affects every angles of lives, which means I won't sacrifice my well-being for the mere Affair. So you think that everyone should just do everything they want to do all the time? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 MissBee, I am hoping you were not saying you "expected" to see me (should have been more) distraughted. Don't you all see too many distraughted and pathetic OWs here enough? Abortion, moving, jobless...etc etc. I CAN NOT let that happen on me, as I've already said many times already. I certainly like him (or love him), otherwise I won't devote my emotion to him. However I am not being cold, calculated, I need to protect myself as well even though I still have A going on with him, but since the beginning to now, it has been handled very subtle /behind public's eyes. Not everyone has the "talent" to be drama queen:p I did not expect you to be distraught. I'm saying, most of what you say about him doesn't seem like you like him very much or are that invested, you're just lonely and he's something to do...versus you're one of those OW head over heels in love and planning a life with him. However, maybe I haven't paid close attention and maybe you have posts that seem that way. But all the ones I remember seem like he exists, you have nothing else to do, so you do him... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Nah, that's just how the BS wants to view because she/he feels left out. And this pleases you I take it? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Nah, that's just how the BS wants to view because she/he feels left out. That's not true, or else you affair-havers would not be so wrapped up in terms like EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR, which you just took pains to define for us. Your relationship would not be defined by the fact that the other person is married and his/her spouse (and family) has a great impact on their life, their time, their finances, their freedom, their emotions, their commitment, every day. You would not be super into identifying yourselves as "OW," or even more dramatically, monikers that include words like "homewrecker." You would just be having a boyfriend. His marital status would not be a part of your identity - especially not the major part of it. This all pretty much brings the spouse into YOUR relationship. From YOUR own perspective, not that of the "BS." Link to post Share on other sites
Brit Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Hi LadyGrey, as both you and Missbee raised the same question about investing emotion to MM, I was wondering if thinking of him a lot can be categorized as belongs to emotionally investing MM because I do think of him a lot. However I just try my best not make this A impact my normal life as I still want my life growing - workwise and financial wise. Also pls note there has no financial incentives at all from MM, we equally treat each other in gift exhanges/meals. It could be bit of commitment phobia if you have to say that, but the reality is not that simple, yes? IF he is going through leaving wife to be with me, how much troubles he/myself will face? You cannot be a commitment phobe toward a married man, once he divorces then that scenerio can come into play, however, you can be non interested in being used by a married man or share equal non investment/mutual investment. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 You cannot be a commitment phobe toward a married man, once he divorces then that scenerio can come into play, however, you can be non interested in being used by a married man or share equal non investment/mutual investment. I don't understand your post. A person who is a commitment-phobe certainly might choose to be involved with someone who's married, because that saves them from having to be in a committed relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brit Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 I don't understand your post. A person who is a commitment-phobe certainly might choose to be involved with someone who's married, because that saves them from having to be in a committed relationship. Yes, wrong wording. She is much more committed to him then he is to her. She is wasting her time on a man who invests 90% more time toward his family. Until he divorces, and if he surprisingly does not drop OP and date like a mad man, then it will be appropriate to worry about 'true,' relationship dynamics with MM. She is not a commitment phobe, he is her only option at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mount Posted December 17, 2012 Author Share Posted December 17, 2012 Only option for what?;) Just for your perspective, I had been "pushed"/"persuaded" into big/fancy wedding with someone, but I stayed a couple months and proceeded to get out the "knot", and not willing to have any contact with ex at all. That was a couple years ago. Yes, wrong wording. She is much more committed to him then he is to her. She is wasting her time on a man who invests 90% more time toward his family. Until he divorces, and if he surprisingly does not drop OP and date like a mad man, then it will be appropriate to worry about 'true,' relationship dynamics with MM. She is not a commitment phobe, he is her only option at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Brit Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Don't kid yourself, your relationship consists, of you, 'mounting,' him......bed squeaking, a 'dismount,' and a whole lot of seperation, completely different lives. Give yourself more credit, and find a betterman. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 No, it makes me sad for them that it is so difficult for them to see the world as it is. Which is what exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
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