sandylee1 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Which baby? Confused here and trying to follow along- She was pregnant in Dec 2012 according to the post, therefore she would have had the child in Sept of 2013. Thus the child will be going on 2? Taylor - I was confused as well. I thought the child was 2/ 3 years old. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 I think you can try but the fact she left to go have a child with someone else will be the breaking point for you. This to me is a serious betrayal. Who cares what the cost of getting things changed if she wanted to have a child with you then you both would have worked through it. Every time you look at that child your going to think of the past and what has happened. What happened the next time she feels the need for something else that she feel you can't or won't give her. There are other women out there. Clay I usta feel the same way ...if you love someone you dont just give up you fight together and work it out ..thats love thats a commitment .. that was 3 yrs ago and those feelings that anger has surpassed ..i didnt just wipe it under the rug ..im not 29 im 49 so trust me its there ..just way in the back Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 I think it's unfair to compare anything else with having a baby. I'm sure there were times in the relationship she didn't get EVERYTHING her own way. She didn't betray him those times and I don't think she actually betrayed him by getting pregnant. The risks of complications in pregnancy increase with the age of a woman, men do not face the same issue. Why should she be deprived of bearing a child? She DIDN'T CHEAT, they split up. The longer she waited her chances of getting pregnant would decrease. 37 is already not a young age to have children for a woman. The fact that big steve has the dilemma, indicates that she is a good woman. I agree that as a woman, being deprived of having a child would be torture for me. I would have never married someone who I knew couldn't have kids. I totally disagree with anyone who says she's been manipulative. She isnt that type of person you are right .. i am trying to be understanding ..and she usta tell me " i will never understand cause i have 4 kids " my first was when i was 20 ... i dont even remember a time when i didnt have kids. Yes she just turned 40 so yes the clock was ticking for sure 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 This exemplifies the problem with older men who have the baggage of completed families, getting together with younger women whose body clocks are ticking. She wanted kids. Bigsteve didn't want kids but strung her along for 2 years and eventually she left. Being single she finds another guy, he makes her pregnant, but she still loves Bigsteve, they get back together, but I guess the "other man's child" got in the way and again they split and now she wants to try again. I think it is very sad for her and could have been prevented, by 1)Bigsteve realising he didn't want more kids and not dating young, single, childless, females in the first place, or 2)he could have acknowledged her need for a kid and had the op, or 3) he could have dumped her right away , instead of stringing her along for 2 years. OP She needed a kid and was driven by that need. She now has a child, and your friend is correct, your gf has put up with "another woman's children", so why is it such a big deal for you to put up with this child. Especially since you already know the reason why it was conceived outside your relationship and you were instrumental to the split up in the first place. You have already raised a non biological child, so you know the form. It could all be good here, try not to mess it up. Wow that is a HUGE generalization ... when we first started dating i told her from the get go and she actually liked i couldnt get her pregnant ( actually some girls do like it ) she asked me if i would ever consider getting reversed and i said "yes" but i wanted it different then when i was young and foolish ..maybe i had that Cinderella dream .. maybe i wanted to get married first before kids ( and im not getting married in a year) make sure it was real.. i have paid 2 sets of child support ..thats why i got "tied" in the first place.. and im still paying for my last ..im not going through that again .. stringer her along ... i have listen to all the advice but this one is far off base ..not fair to pre judge ASK me first why it didnt happen , i dont mind telling you Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Have you ever met the biological father? What is his relationship now with the child and with the mother? As a parent, he may always be around. Can you deal with him as well? Yes i can cause my ex's would be out of there mind to deny me my kids ..they knew that ..i took all my kids ( even the one who isnt biologically mine ) even other weekend till they were old enough to say im ok now dad see you when i want to instead of a schedule. I'd never deny a man his kid .. i love the childs mother so i will love that kid the same 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 His ex would deal with his children's mother. Why the double standard? Actually i know him alittle ..dont like him he tried to be my friend when i was with her ... he probably couldn't wait till i was out the picture... i will just stay away and let her deal with him .. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Which baby? Confused here and trying to follow along- She was pregnant in Dec 2012 according to the post, therefore she would have had the child in Sept of 2013. Thus the child will be going on 2? Unsure I agree with your level of thinking, as to the fact that you had kids prior to meeting her. That is your past and that is your life, you seem to feel guilty for having children and using it as a reason for her to justify getting impregnated by another chap? Most here seem to think you can foster a relations with her and this child, and perhaps you can. My two cents say differently. I think you are lonely and pining for a person that really doesn't exist in reality. For the lady to whom you speak of chose to have the child, chose to leave you, chose to be with the Baby Daddy, and is now Choosing to play at your heart stings. she thought she was back then but wasn't ..the same thing went on and eventually she got pregnant . You are entitled to your opinion , you are in agreeance with ALL my friends. but when your with your partner and enjoying there company i am her alone and by myself . i have been married twice and dated lots of woman ..and i can honestly say i have NEVER loved any woman ..but for some reason i do this one Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Elaine, I agree and you've put this very clearly. BIGSTEVE - You have your own kids. You have a vasectomy. I think this should be one of the first things you tell a GF once your getting serious, as it is a HUGE issue. I wouldn't let someone fall for me, then reveal I couldn't have kids. I don't know how early in the relationship you told her, but if I wasn't told early on, I wouldn't be too happy. Give it another go. I agree and i did the first thing i tell a person is my age , i have 4 kids and i cant have anymore... some say cool and some that thanks ..most are cool with it.!!! but the relationship grew and grew strong we never expected it too like this . I dont mislead woman i have 3 daughters i'd never do it plus when the woman finds out the lie they dont forgive ..i always tell the truth and most times there ok with it Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Which baby? Confused here and trying to follow along- She was pregnant in Dec 2012 according to the post, therefore she would have had the child in Sept of 2013. Thus the child will be going on 2? Unsure I agree with your level of thinking, as to the fact that you had kids prior to meeting her. That is your past and that is your life, you seem to feel guilty for having children and using it as a reason for her to justify getting impregnated by another chap? Most here seem to think you can foster a relations with her and this child, and perhaps you can. My two cents say differently. I think you are lonely and pining for a person that really doesn't exist in reality. For the lady to whom you speak of chose to have the child, chose to leave you, chose to be with the Baby Daddy, and is now Choosing to play at your heart stings. I chose to start this chat when this dilemma first started for me, it was more just to talk about what was happening to me, as per my friends were very one sided and you (human nature never listen to the closest people around you hehe) it took some time and i left out some parts but i have given this chat room the MEAT and POTATOES of the situation .. your are entitled to your opinion and it sounds like you already formed a negative opinion..some of the things you mentioned like i feel guilty cause i have 4 kids doesnt make much sense to me. this is basically just about if people might think it might work out if i go back or i should stay away ...to say "you seem to feel guilty for having children and using it as a reason for her to justify getting impregnated by another chap? " isnt a fair assumption. Link to post Share on other sites
Marchhare Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 she thought she was back then but wasn't ..the same thing went on and eventually she got pregnant . You are entitled to your opinion , you are in agreeance with ALL my friends. but when your with your partner and enjoying there company i am her alone and by myself . i have been married twice and dated lots of woman ..and i can honestly say i have NEVER loved any woman ..but for some reason i do this one Let me tell you a fairy tale... Once upon a time, three years ago, WGf wanted a child. You could not. She left you, and shacked up with another man. Low and behold, she gets pregnant and came running back to you her knight in shining armor to save her from the evil sperm donor. You decided to take her back. And they lived happily ever after...Or do they? Now fast forward to 2015. You inform the readership she wasn't pregnant and the fair (or fake) princess broke up again with the knight. And who does she go back to, the dragon sperm donor. In the three years she was busy having fun with the dragon, and they lived happily ever after, our did they?. Oh my, guess what!!! After several enjoyable years of sexual nights and maybe a few days, she finally got pregnant and yes it took this time. Guess who she turns too once more to save her from the evil sperm donor dragon! The knight in shining armor!!! Sir Gullible, because she knows he will believe her unconditionally and he will be the perfect foil for her and will care for the dragon child. You know there are plenty of lovely women your age without the cheating if you will take off the fricking blinders and look. --------- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, Shane on me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 Let me tell you a fairy tale... Once upon a time, three years ago, WGf wanted a child. You could not. She left you, and shacked up with another man. Low and behold, she gets pregnant and came running back to you her knight in shining armor to save her from the evil sperm donor. You decided to take her back. And they lived happily ever after...Or do they? Now fast forward to 2015. You inform the readership she wasn't pregnant and the fair (or fake) princess broke up again with the knight. And who does she go back to, the dragon sperm donor. In the three years she was busy having fun with the dragon, and they lived happily ever after, our did they?. Oh my, guess what!!! After several enjoyable years of sexual nights and maybe a few days, she finally got pregnant and yes it took this time. Guess who she turns too once more to save her from the evil sperm donor dragon! The knight in shining armor!!! Sir Gullible, because she knows he will believe her unconditionally and he will be the perfect foil for her and will care for the dragon child. You know there are plenty of lovely women your age without the cheating if you will take off the fricking blinders and look. --------- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, Shane on me. There is alot more to it then that... the story is abit true i guess. in a ruff crude sort of way .. she asked me back many a times and i refused .. but my heart could never really totally let go .. she told me she didnt really want to be alone and i wouldnt come back to her she wasnt with him the whole time she was single and alone for a while but the emptiness of no child kept her going back to him ...so she gave him a chance and it didnt work out .. i tried with both of my ex's in the past so i understand ..a child cant make a relationship true and it took her that relationship to find that out ... like i did 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted May 9, 2015 Share Posted May 9, 2015 im sorry Tayla im not sure why you would say that we broke up many times ...i stated that in the 3 yrs of dating we never broke up once , we fought like a normal couple but never broke up , we were together everyday ..all the woman around her were having babies and she knew if she didnt have one soon she wouldnt feel satisfied in life . for almost 2 yrs she begged me to give her one, but like i said earlier i had a vasectomy and would cost $5000 to get revised. $5,000 is a better deal then raising the OM's kid and paying for that. What you will pay to raise the OC for the next 20 years what is another $5,000. Another example of why men should not get snipped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 I chose to start this chat when this dilemma first started for me, it was more just to talk about what was happening to me, as per my friends were very one sided and you (human nature never listen to the closest people around you hehe) it took some time and i left out some parts but i have given this chat room the MEAT and POTATOES of the situation .. your are entitled to your opinion and it sounds like you already formed a negative opinion..some of the things you mentioned like i feel guilty cause i have 4 kids doesnt make much sense to me. this is basically just about if people might think it might work out if i go back or i should stay away ...to say "you seem to feel guilty for having children and using it as a reason for her to justify getting impregnated by another chap? " isnt a fair assumption. I think you are a bit dodgy in your thinking. Again, How old is this baby? FACT: OP stated in 2012 his lady fair was knocked up by another man FACT: OP states in 2015 that the baby is now 5 months old. (umm ....kinda hard to stay pregnant for two years, that is one over cooked bun in the oven! FACT: OP Stated he never broke up with her, then back peddles and says- Ohh we did have time apart ( interpreted to mean: WE BROKE UP) FACT: The voice of reason and logic is treated as negative Opinion? FACT: LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL. FACT: YOUR FRIENDS KNOW YOU BETTER THEN YOU KNOW YOURSELF SOMETIMES Come back when the facts are more congruent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Well Gang im back an its been 3 yrs since my dilemma and she had the child and we broke up , but she since left the guy and has asked if we could get back together ... Help !!! what would you do ..?? I think this is where you confused people. In saying she had the child, we naturally assumed it was from her 2012 pregnancy. I'm not sure why you didn't clarify this to begin with, because now it logically appears to the reader, that something isn't adding up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 I think this is where you confused people. In saying she had the child, we naturally assumed it was from her 2012 pregnancy. I'm not sure why you didn't clarify this to begin with, because now it logically appears to the reader, that something isn't adding up. sorry for that ...when i first started this YES that was the case ... but she had a miscarriage .. time had passed and we tried but the fact that i still couldnt give her a child got in the way ...fast forward to now and she as a 5 month old ... we both went our separate ways but it was never quite finished ..so this is why i started up this chat again .. cause we both want to see if we can get back the magic we had .. Link to post Share on other sites
Anderlie Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 (edited) Wait..... Now it's a miscarriage? I thought she just wasn't pregnant.... ETA if this is somehow real: you are second fiddle here mate. If she really wanted a baby AND to be with you she could have done something like gone to a sperm bank. Instead she runs off to this other bloke the second things get tough with you multiple times and yet you think she genuinely wants to be with you? I'd be interested to see just how good a father/provider baby daddy is and whether or not the grass is greener in your parenting skills/bank account. Either way her actions speak louder than her words; she wants what she wants when she wants it and your concerns mean very little. Edited May 12, 2015 by Anderlie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 BigSteve, You have some serious choices to make. There sure are some red flags, which I'm sure you're aware of. For "me" it would be a deal killer.... couldn't take her back. I just left a lady that I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. We had some major issues with honesty and trust that I couldn't solve and decided we were better off apart that to try to fix something that just wasn't likely to happen. Glad I'm out, but leaving her was very difficult for me and I'm still not over it (but well on the way). If you decide to go for it, I'd wish you the best but I'm sure you know it will take some significant effort. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigsteve1966 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Well it seems to be for not .... there has been way too much damage since we both borke up till now and it seems that we both cant get over it and move fwd .. so we will not be getting back together ... I will say this , this chat room was really good for me , i had no one to talk to and express my views. I appreciate every rely good and bad , yes i am alittle sad it ended like this but atleast i tried Thanks again .. hope i never have to use this site again hahaha Thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 You are making the right choice. You will find a much better woman one day. Link to post Share on other sites
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