Do dumpers think of their ex on a daily basis?

[frederickkk]

If you dumped someone, yet still loved them, still strong feelings, do you think about them on a daily basis? When do you think about them? Do you think about them for months on end?

 

Some insight please

[SER]

It's been since late October and yes, I do think about him near every day. But it's not really on purpose and it's not always the same type of thoughts that I have. For a while there, it was becoming less frequent throughout the day and then I would skip a day or two with him in my thoughts.

 

Some days when he pops in my head it's because something reminds me of something we did or a fun thing that happened and the memory will make me briefly happy... and then it will make me sad that he wasn't willing to put enough effort into the relationship to keep it going when it was great. Some nights I will miss him coming through the door and giving me a big hug - but again, it starts to make me upset that he didn't try until it was too late. Then I remember all of the reasons why I ended it and why it wouldn't work out.

 

If you're wondering whether or not your ex is thinking of you and missing you, she probably is. But that doesn't mean that it's necessarily in a positive way and it also doesn't mean she wants you back. It's hard not to miss someone who's been in your life for a significant amount of time and it's hard to get them out of your head, whether you want them there or not.

[Emilia]

Do you think about them for months on end?

 

 

Sometimes yes

[itsmyfault]

unfortunately, Yes.

[frederickkk]

this is good to know.

 

because, as a dumpee, 4 months after a breakup, im still in paralysis.

 

and she loved me, really did, wanted me there every single day.

 

so its bizarre to think she can't be going, what i am going through.

[itsmyfault]

at the end of the day it makes no difference what she think.

 

all i think about is how im not going to respond if im contacted.

its unlikely she misses u

[na49]

I like to think that my ex is crying to her friends and asking them how she's going to ask me to give her another chance. I like to think that she's sorry for cheating on me, realizes that the grass wasn't greener and that I was not a jerk but a very supportive boyfriend who looked past her flaws and loved her for her.

 

She's not though, and probably never will.

[flitzanu]

this is good to know.

 

because, as a dumpee, 4 months after a breakup, im still in paralysis.

 

and she loved me, really did, wanted me there every single day.

 

so its bizarre to think she can't be going, what i am going through.

 

if she dumped you, it means that she dealt with the breakup long before actually breaking up with you. so no, chances are she went through what YOU are doing already, and currently is moving on with her life.

[LostOne1]

if she dumped you, it means that she dealt with the breakup long before actually breaking up with you. so no, chances are she went through what YOU are doing already, and currently is moving on with her life.

I think so too.

 

My ex had told me she had a good week or two to think about it all and cry and what not. And then made the decision to BU with me and told me only a week after. So she had about 2-3 weeks to make a decision.

 

But I think your partly wrong as well. When I last talked to her about 2 months after our BU. She did at one point come chase me and say that she DOES feel and that feelings don't just vanish away. So I think she did miss me and love me. But her mind had given her a decision NOT to get back with me.

 

So it was a battle of having feelings, but also not having them if that makes sense. THough I don't know the full story if there was another guy or not and that made her feel like that... but I do know she did feel something for a bit. She is an emotional person and her last BU it took her at least 2 yrs to recover. I'm sure my ex partly misses me, but her ego allows her to stand tall.

[iris219]

I broke up with someone 7 years ago and still think about him every day. The thoughts aren't typically upsetting and I don't want to get back together. He was once the most important person in my life, the person I was closest to. It's like he's imprinted on my brain; I'll probably always think about him.

[frederickkk]

she is an emotional person too.

 

but you know something? im not giving up.

 

 

i dont care.

 

 

 

i will never give up.

ever.

 

 

you heard it her first.

 

sorry if im one for breaking the convention.

 

we are all human beings. we all have free choice. ignore societys norms, in fat, f uck society norms, if you want something, you work for it.

 

 

end of.

[Simon Phoenix]

she is an emotional person too.

 

but you know something? im not giving up.

 

 

i dont care.

 

 

 

i will never give up.

ever.

 

 

you heard it her first.

 

sorry if im one for breaking the convention.

 

we are all human beings. we all have free choice. ignore societys norms, in fat, f uck society norms, if you want something, you work for it.

 

 

end of.

 

Yeah. This will end well. I just hope they don't subpoena this post for the future murder investigation.

[LostOne1]

she is an emotional person too.

 

but you know something? im not giving up.

 

 

i dont care.

 

 

 

i will never give up.

ever.

 

 

you heard it her first.

 

sorry if im one for breaking the convention.

 

we are all human beings. we all have free choice. ignore societys norms, in fat, f uck society norms, if you want something, you work for it.

 

 

end of.

See my ex is emotional too and I realized the hard way... that emotional people need TIME to THINK. They use their emotions to react and judge and NOT their mind. Which is why they say or do things they don't mean.

 

In my case what messed me up was there was another guy. Whether he was just a friend or something more.. that part set me off. Otherwise I would've given an emotional person like her the space she needs to think it all through.

 

Trust me man.. pushing won't help. I did it and I lost her for good now. I don't regret it though, because I think this had to happen to us. We had to finally go our separate ways. It's hard that we have to leave on VERY bad terms. But it is what it is now...

 

Trust me man.. drop it and give her space to think. She probably hates you right now like my ex.. but over time I think the hate will go away. Just like our pain.. over time it will go away. That doesn't mean we will get a chance with them again. But it means it's a time for us to learn and grow.

 

Learn from this and grow. Give her the space she needs to get her emotions resolved.

[Samilia]

If you dumped someone, yet still loved them, still strong feelings, do you think about them on a daily basis? When do you think about them? Do you think about them for months on end?

 

Some insight please

 

Nop. When I finally broke it off for good with my ex I couldn't feel free enough and didn't think about him. All I could think about was how good it felt to be on my own again.

 

Before the final break up we had gone through a "second wind" phase. This phase helped me reinforce the decision that I wanted out.

 

Edit.. that makes me think about my ex, 3 years later he's still "not giving up" and that couldn't push me away any faster. His insistence in front of my refusal is just another way to be the controlling freak that he was.

Edited December 13, 2012 by Samilia

[flitzanu]

I think so too.

 

My ex had told me she had a good week or two to think about it all and cry and what not. And then made the decision to BU with me and told me only a week after. So she had about 2-3 weeks to make a decision.

 

But I think your partly wrong as well. When I last talked to her about 2 months after our BU. She did at one point come chase me and say that she DOES feel and that feelings don't just vanish away. So I think she did miss me and love me. But her mind had given her a decision NOT to get back with me.

 

So it was a battle of having feelings, but also not having them if that makes sense. THough I don't know the full story if there was another guy or not and that made her feel like that... but I do know she did feel something for a bit. She is an emotional person and her last BU it took her at least 2 yrs to recover. I'm sure my ex partly misses me, but her ego allows her to stand tall.

 

of course they think of/miss you. that doesn't mean they want to be with you or get back together with you.

[frederickkk]

lucky for me, i wasnt controlling in the relationship.....she was.

[ani_ram]

Yes they do. I dumped my last boyfriend and I still think about it. It has been 5 months since we broke up and two months of no contact. I'm so confused right now. I don't know if I want to be with him or whether I just want a relationship. At times I just wish that he would ask for me back.

[suladas]

of course they think of/miss you. that doesn't mean they want to be with you or get back together with you.

 

This exactly. I knew my ex missed me, I could tell when I seen her and how she looked at me and figured it probably meant she still wanted me, but not the case. Them missing you really means nothing.

[LostOne1]

Yes they do. I dumped my last boyfriend and I still think about it. It has been 5 months since we broke up and two months of no contact. I'm so confused right now. I don't know if I want to be with him or whether I just want a relationship. At times I just wish that he would ask for me back.

See him asking you back.. would it work?

 

I asked my ex to make me back.

 

I went as far as to MAKE her a card with all our memories of the past 3 yrs. Posted a cute video and sent it to her. I did w.e I could do to show her I loved her and I wanted it to work out and that I was willing to put in more effort. That I could've done better in the relationship. Though school and other stress was high....

 

But nothing worked, she just said I was wasting time.

 

And then when she FINALLY contacted me, she only did it because I was ready to move on. That I was ready to sell the bracelet she bought me on my bday. I just hated staring at it and knowing she gave it to me and now was going to leave me and not even sit down ONCE and talk to me. I just wanted her to LET it all out all her anger, sadness.. everything I wanted to be there to support her through the tough time she was going through....

 

But nothing.. All she said was she isn't sure her heart tells her one thing, and her mind tells her another. Then she said sorry and that she wants to work it out. When I set up a time and day she said no she doesn't want this anymore and she isn;'t ready for this...

 

So I don't know if it all works or not? I mean I always felt like fighting for her back and fighting for our love would work.. and everyone else said to leave it and go NC. So I don't know how you wishing he would ask you back would work?

 

I mean I assume unlike me he has more self respect and doesn't think he needs to beg you back? That if you love him you would see it and talk to him rather than him begging you back. I mean you left so maybe he thinks you should be the one to come back too?

[suladas]

As far as giving up, if I had to do it all over again I might have contacted my ex once after and that's it. Or possibly not at all. I would not of went to the extent I did for months on end, it just prolonged the healing, and in the end didn't do any good anyways. However in hindsight, doing that is a lot easier said then done. Sometimes it's just better to cut your losses and walk away.

[Simon Phoenix]

See him asking you back.. would it work?

 

I asked my ex to make me back.

 

I went as far as to MAKE her a card with all our memories of the past 3 yrs. Posted a cute video and sent it to her. I did w.e I could do to show her I loved her and I wanted it to work out and that I was willing to put in more effort. That I could've done better in the relationship. Though school and other stress was high....

 

But nothing worked, she just said I was wasting time.

 

And then when she FINALLY contacted me, she only did it because I was ready to move on. That I was ready to sell the bracelet she bought me on my bday. I just hated staring at it and knowing she gave it to me and now was going to leave me and not even sit down ONCE and talk to me. I just wanted her to LET it all out all her anger, sadness.. everything I wanted to be there to support her through the tough time she was going through....

 

But nothing.. All she said was she isn't sure her heart tells her one thing, and her mind tells her another. Then she said sorry and that she wants to work it out. When I set up a time and day she said no she doesn't want this anymore and she isn;'t ready for this...

 

So I don't know if it all works or not? I mean I always felt like fighting for her back and fighting for our love would work.. and everyone else said to leave it and go NC. So I don't know how you wishing he would ask you back would work?

 

I mean I assume unlike me he has more self respect and doesn't think he needs to beg you back? That if you love him you would see it and talk to him rather than him begging you back. I mean you left so maybe he thinks you should be the one to come back too?

 

Exactly. It's up to ani_ram to make the move if she really wants her ex back. Though it's not something she should do unless she's sure she wants it, because that would be cruel as hell to him if he wants a second chance and cause her a ton of distress too.

[LostOne1]

Exactly. It's up to ani_ram to make the move if she really wants her ex back. Though it's not something she should do unless she's sure she wants it, because that would be cruel as hell to him if he wants a second chance and cause her a ton of distress too.

The problem is how is someone ever sure?

 

My ex had said.. she isn't sure and that if we meet and she still decides to not be with me, if I'd let her go.

 

Almost seemed like she wasnt sure but she still wants to meet.

 

My way of knowing for sure is that BOTH people are willing to SIT down and TALK and work it out and WANT to work it out to continue the relationship.

 

I agree if she wants to do the above, then she should talk to him and work it out.

[Simon Phoenix]

The problem is how is someone ever sure?

 

My ex had said.. she isn't sure and that if we meet and she still decides to not be with me, if I'd let her go.

 

Almost seemed like she wasnt sure but she still wants to meet.

 

My way of knowing for sure is that BOTH people are willing to SIT down and TALK and work it out and WANT to work it out to continue the relationship.

 

I agree if she wants to do the above, then she should talk to him and work it out.

 

No one is 100 percent sure, but you have a feeling. Your ex wasn't close to taking you back IMO. She realized that you were ready to bounce for good, so she had some hesitation about keeping the plug pulled, but you weren't really close to being 50/50, much less getting her back.

[NavyAirTraffic]

for now, ill keep emailing every 5/6 days.

 

just sent 1 now, no "failed to send".

 

she will never get over me and this is why there is never a reply, she knows it will open it up.

 

maybe i should just ****ing chance it, go out in her home town at xmas time and try and see her.

 

(your post, Dec 5th)

 

She can't help thinking of you..... Since you have emailed her twice a week for the last 4 months.