in the wedding spirit

[sparkle]

Hi everyone,

 

My two good friends just married each other this weekend. The wedding was great! It's wonderful seeing two people so happy, starting a new chapter in their lives.

 

On that note, I just received an email about "marriage" and thought I'd share it. It's full of great advice. Let me know what you all think about it. (Sorry, it's VERY long)

 

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The important "F's": Fundamentals of a Happy Marriage:

 

Faith: the common faith that binds the couple eases communication and sharing of values.

 

Forgiving: One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive, that they do not hold grudges or act judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive.

 

Forget: When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they let us down or hurt us we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.

 

Forbearance: Patience is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive frame of mind, it brings us closer to each other. We develop an inner mechanism empowers us to handle life's difficult moments.

 

Flexible: Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little.

 

We should not expect our spouses to be our extensions. They are their own selves with personalities, likes and dislikes. We must respect their right to be themselves. Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.

 

Friendship: This aspect of marriage has three components.

 

1. First is to develop a friendship with our spouses. The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures. We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages.

 

2. Friendly: Second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important it becomes a constant source of grief. Much valuable time is wasted trying to convince, one another of whose parents are most desirable. It is better if we accept, that our spouses will not overnight fall in love with our parents just because we want them to. As long as they maintain friendly relations that are cordial and based on mutual respect we should not force the issue.

 

3. Friends: The third aspect of friendship is our circle of friends. If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage.

 

Fun: Couples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the relationship. Taking up a sport together or watching funny movies is another way of sharing a laugh.

 

Faithful: We must be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a major crime in many cultures/religions/countries. The latest trend of Internet relationships is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in, repairing that relationship is difficult. Another form of not being faithful is when couples betray confidences. This is a trust issue and one when compromised eats away at the heart of a marriage.

 

Fair: Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. To use words such as "never" and "always" when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on the defensive.

 

Finance: One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80 percent of marital conflicts are about money.

 

It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort in developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wise way to handling household finances.

 

Family: Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage. Sometimes couples are naive about the changes that come in the lifestyle. This can cause in some cases depression and in some resentment and misunderstandings. One golden rule that must always be the guide is; that family comes first.

 

Whenever there is evidence that the family is not happy or not our first priority it is time to assemble at the kitchen table and discuss with open hearts and mind. Couples who have elderly parents have an added responsibility to take care of them. This can also be very stressful if the couple is not prepared.

 

A care plan must be worked out with respective siblings and parents as to who will be the primary care giver and what type of support network they will have. In case of mental incompetence a power of attorney must be in place. The making of a will is most essential .

 

Feelings: Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse's feelings, they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones. One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of their spouses and if they invariably do, they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?

 

Freedom: Marriage is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves. This does not mean freedom in the common sense to be free to do as one pleases or to be selfish. On the contrary, to allow freedom to one's spouse is to be considerate of their needs and to recognize their limitations.

 

Flirtation: A sure way to keep romance in marriage is to flirt with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor in their marriages by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles.

 

Frank: Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other's feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders in the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other's inner self.

 

Flattering: Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse's heart. Everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being stingy about compliments is actually depriving oneself of being appreciated in return.

 

Fulfilling: To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one's all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations. It gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded tenfold.

 

Fallible: It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose focus of the fact that we are fallible beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that no human is perfect.

 

Fondness: So many times couples fail to work on developing fondness for each other by [failing] to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.

 

Future: Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans, make wills and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.

[Tony T]

Wouldn't it be nice?

[Taressa]

Good advice, Sparkle, and well worth the couple minutes it took to read. Thank you for posting it.