Wife is cheating and will not stop affair

[vedder10]

My wife was outed by me in the beginning of August. I tried to stay but she kept seeing until this day. I left in the beginning of November. At this stage she is in my house with my son. I see him everyday to take him to school.

 

She is seeing a single man steady since July (like I said I found out beginning of August). We have been married over 8 years. She sees him about 2-3 times a week. When I was living there should would actually leave me with our young song to spend the night with this guy.

 

My question is will there ever be a day when she feels A. guilty, B. enormous pain that she has caused me. C. Come to the realization that she messed up.

 

Another words will she eventually get what she deserves in the end?

[2long]

First things first: MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE!!!

 

She could be bringing the OM over with your son there. She could simply replace you with the OM.

 

If she wants 2 cheat on you, she can and should move out.

 

She won't feel guilt or remorse if your actions allow her 2 rationalize that her affair is ok.

 

-ol' 2long

[Ninja'sHusband]

First things first: MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE!!!

 

She could be bringing the OM over with your son there. She could simply replace you with the OM.

 

If she wants 2 cheat on you, she can and should move out.

 

She won't feel guilt or remorse if your actions allow her 2 rationalize that her affair is ok.

 

-ol' 2long

Exactly, why is it always the man who gets kicked out no matter what?

 

Don't let her do that, or get you on abandonment. You're just making it easier for her.

[TaraMaiden]

My question is will there ever be a day when she feels A. guilty,

Much as you'd love that, probably not.

B. enormous pain that she has caused me.

That's not her concern, or she wouldn't have done it... right now, she doesn't really care how you feel, and you should get used to the fact that maybe, she never will. She never did anything to deliberately hurt you - she just put her needs/wants/wishes above yours.

 

C. Come to the realization that she messed up.

Problem is, that's just your opinion. She doesn't believe she has.

 

Another words will she eventually get what she deserves in the end?

Are you getting what you deserve?

Question is, there is no 'deserve' here.

Things like this happen. They may be misjudged, irrational, unforeseen - but it doesn't make people evil, bad, or wicked. It just makes them... well, people.

You feel vindictive, vengeful and you want her to get just desserts, and suffer.

For what, exactly?

Falling in love with someone else?

Her methods and manner may be incorrect, but being in love doesn't carry a Lifetime Guarantee, or hold a warranty.

Try to transfer your feelings towards your child, and transform them into being the best dad you can be.

What you no longer give her, provide to your son.

Live well.

You will never get better 'revenge' than that.

[nofool4u]

My question is will there ever be a day when she feels A. guilty, B. enormous pain that she has caused me. C. Come to the realization that she messed up.

 

no, no, and no. Selfish people void of scruples will not feel any of those.

 

And in any case, it doesn't matter. She won't stop the affair as you said. Therefore you should be asking her to move in with her single man (wonder if he'd change his mind quick if he thought he now has to take her in and take care of her)

 

Another words will she eventually get what she deserves in the end?

 

I'm sure. Either she will cheat on him later, or he on her. Or like I said, tell her she needs to move in with single guy. Losing his freedom probably isn't something he wants, and only wanted your wife as a cheap piece of ass.

[GLDheart]

Trust me. I feel the same way. Karma where are you? The moment I found out about my EX's wrongdoing, I asked her to leave... and I only had the tip of the iceburg. But, I had enough.

 

I asked her to go and then hid the pain that it caused me. That pain is mine to deal with and since she had made herself "the enemy" of my relationship and happiness, how could I look to HER of all people for understanding?

 

Naw, She can have her own life... good, bad, ugly, whatever. It's not my problem anymore...

 

... but of course there are days that I wish a mild facial stroke on her ;-) Hey, I'm not perfect :_)

[TaraMaiden]

Karma is 'Action' not 'retribution'. It's a process, not a judgement.

[LoveTKO]

My question is will there ever be a day when she feels A. guilty, B. enormous pain that she has caused me. C. Come to the realization that she messed up.

 

Another words will she eventually get what she deserves in the end?

 

 

Sorry to hear what has happened to you and your relationship. As far as her feeling remorseful is concerned, she might feel bad that she got caught and hurt your feelings in the process. However, make no mistake about it, she doesn't feel bad for having an affair. She made up her mind a long time ago that she's entitled to have an affair. It's all about her and "how she feels", or how you treated her or some other bull$hit.

 

If you're looking for Karma to get back to her to give her what she deserves in the end, I would say highly unlikely. Nice, upstanding, respectable people have terrible things happen to them all the time. The world doesn't always work according to the laws of Karma.

[sweet_pea]

1. Kick her out. She doesn't get to live at home, especially after the sh*t she put you through & pain she caused. It's your home, too. Allowing her to stay, and making you leave is giving her power in a way.

 

2. Show her the consequences for her cheating. Since exposure didn't seem to work (or so I'm assuming) in stopping the affair, show her that you're not going to put up with it or her anymore. Limit contact between you and her, etc. She doesn't get to enjoy the benefits of living at home and having her boy-toy on the side. Do whatever else you think is necessary to get your life on track.

 

Are you hoping to reconcile? Divorce?

[TaraMaiden]

Most people don't even know exactly what Karma is....

[standtall]

Most people don't even know exactly what Karma is....

 

Another thread perhaps?

[TaraMaiden]

Oh there have been plenty. Unfortunately, I think they've all fallen off the radar.....

But you're right.

It's O/T.

 

Apologies.

[96nole]

You're angry. You hope she gets run over by a bus. Or a meteor falls from the sky onto her, or that the OM does something awful to her so she realizes how wonderful she had it with you. Oh, believe me, I get it.

But, there is a real good chance, if she were to feel that way, you won't know for many years, if ever.

 

I was talking to my uncle last month. He and his first wife divorced 36 years ago. I never really understood all the reasons behind it because I was young at the time, and it was never really brought up since. But he was telling me about how he found her cheating on him. They divorced. He took the two kids. She ended up moving in and then marrying the OM. A few years later the OM became physically abusive. He also cheated on her with just about anything that moved. She even came home from work one day and found him having sex with another women on their couch. They divorced. I can't say her life has been great since.

 

My uncle got remarried a few years after he divorced his first wife. They are still together, though they have had some very big ups and downs. He worked a steady job that paid very well for many years. He is now retired. Because of the two kids he had with his first wife, they still have some contact with each other. A few months ago she told him she was sorry for cheating on him and wished it didn't happen and that she stayed married to him.

 

You know if she was saying that 36 years later, she was thinking it for a very long time. My uncle told her she was forgiven, mainly because he hadn't given it a thought in decades.

[Spark1111]

Move back home. Have her leave. Inform family and friends about the OM and the affair. Wish them well. pack her bags. Demand the relationship you deserve, and if she cannot or will not give you that, then stay with your daughter in your home and speak with an attorney and inform her of your decision to proceed with divorce.

 

Stay strong. remember actions have consequences. Focus on you and your daughter and your future, with or without her.

 

Stand from a position of strength, not weakness. She may not come back to you. Do not hope for that, although you may want to. But please, make her respect you. respect yourself and conduct yourself with dignity.

 

I am sorry you are going through this. Move back tomorrow. You did nothing wrong. you should not have left.

 

I see betrayed men do this often. I will not understand why. it will not endear you to her. Your kindness in this regard will be perceived as weakness.

 

et back home an take care of your daughter. f she insists on seeing the OM, she must leave. Change the locks and put her clothes in a bag at the curb.

 

make a show of strength to your wife. take good care of your daughter. A spouse in an affair is a piss-poor parent. Too self-absorbed at the moment. Your daughter needs you to step up to the plate.

[carhill]

I would concur on moving back into the marital domicile.

 

Get legal advice regarding safeguarding your parental relationship and assets as people in divorces and affairs can do things outside of their normal behavior patterns and characters.

 

If she refuses to prioritize the marriage, file for divorce and request mediation. Leave every door open for a amicable resolution, should she wish to prioritize the M and end the A. If no joy execute PlanB, which any competent attorney would/will help you formulate.

 

Whoever cares the least has the most power and control. Reclaim yours. Good luck.

[CantgetoveritNY]

 

My question is will there ever be a day when she feels A. guilty, B. enormous pain that she has caused me. C. Come to the realization that she messed up.

 

Another words will she eventually get what she deserves in the end?

 

I will tell you what someone told me when I first posted. Your wife checked out of your marriage long before she started this affair. She checked out before she met this guy. Even though you did not realize that, it happened. So you should know that while you still wanted her until you found out and maybe still do want her, she doesn't give a s*th about you or your feelings right now. She won't feel bad about what she is doing for a very long time, if ever. Protect yourself. You are in danger.

[standtall]

Oh there have been plenty. Unfortunately, I think they've all fallen off the radar.....

But you're right.

It's O/T.

 

Apologies.

 

I would love to learn more. You have a spirituality to your posts that I respect.

[GLDheart]

I would love to learn more. You have a spirituality to your posts that I respect.

 

 

...and she IS right about the true meaning of Karma. It's such a bad habit to use it in the sense of "inevitable retribution" or some "pending debt of doom".

 

I would simplify it's TRUE meaning to be more of a positive/negative energy momentum that one generates through a life of choices and actions. But it doesn't stop me from using it in the incorrect way that most people misunderstand it.

[jnj express]

You should be in your own home----if this ever goes to D., you would be nailed for abondonment

 

I am not sure I understand, your wife just goes, and is with her lover whenever she wants, and you have done NOTHING

 

What is it you are looking for---cuz if you had any self respect---or you ever intend to look in the mirror----YOU SHOULD HAVE FILED FOR D. BY NOW-----------she is F'ing letting you feed and support her, and she gives herself away to another man----does that sound like a mge. TO YOU, does that sound like what any man who thinks ANYTHING OF HIMSELF, would allow for one F'ing minute?????????