What to make of this GF issues

[Carenth]

Just be prepared for it to not go the way you plan in your head, as it most likely won't. Your arguments do not sound like the voice of reason to me, they sound like desperate grasps to breath life into something that has died. You're bargaining with chips you have already lost. Sorry to say when relationships hit rock bottom more often than not.. they end, not go back up.

 

If she is miserable because she hasn't seen you for 9 weeks then how will she cope when you leave, answer she won't. She probably knows this and has accepted it.

 

I used to think the same way as you with my first few relationships "thinking I can talk this out, I can make it work, I can fix this". Noticed how I said "I" instead of "we" in my head I said we but in reality I was thinking I can fix this but was in denial. I came to the realisation that this does not work in reality. When one person wants out, they want out and if you attempt to drag them back in they will claw their way out.

 

You have to accept what she says on face value, the situation is pretty much out of your hands at this point. If she changes her mind she will let you know. But that raises the question why would you want to be with someone like that?

 

You are still making excuses for her behavior and I understand you are in pain, it sucks. It will take time to get past this and move on.

Edited December 13, 2012 by Carenth

[DTtoTN]

So here's where I'm at. We sat down and talked. And she said that right now in her life she can't put in the effort for a long distance. With school and the emotional toll it takes she has to do her right now. I said that you don't know what it's like to be together anymore. Which proves true because I'm sleeping on the couch right now. Never have. But we at least kissed and after talking at the beginning of the night enjoyed the rest of the night being us again. I told her this is nice? She said yea but more of a really good fried way not lover way. Basically we agreed that I'm still staying the entire week. That basically for me to move on I have to see that us together fails. She agreed but I think it also gives me a week to win her over again. As tacky as that sounds I do have 6 days to plan romantic things and hopefully bring some spark back tht was there 4 months ago. And if I do and she wants to try after great. But if she doesn't then I know we truly lost it and that the distance has taken its toll completely. Any advice on what to do this next week?! Definetly planning a romantic date one night. Go to smokie mountains one day her parents one day. Need great ideas that might rekindle !

[Carenth]

It's over, even if you managed to "win" her back she will just be a mess when you go home and break up with you again, have you considered that?

 

She has sat down obviously thought about this for a long time and decided a LDR is just not going to work for her because it is to painful. You need to understand and respect her wishes, she wants to move on.

[Life'sGood]

This is from my experience, I was in a LTR, 7 years. It started when I was 16. I realised that we were not meant to be together for a long period of time before I had the courage to tell him that I want off. I remember feeling unhappy all the time and yet I still put on a happy face. I hated that and I despised the fact that I cannot focus on myself. I was jealous of my friends who can go out and have fun without asking for permission. After I got the permission, he would ask me to stay with him at home and not go out. Then, an issue came up and he asked me to choose him or the opportunity to travel abroad. I am all for an adventure and he's the opposite. I guess we just grew as a different person than we were back in High School. I know more of what I want and how to get them. Call me selfish but I am going to do everything I can to make my life a happy one.

 

So, what I can say to you is, give her what she wants and don't appear to be needy. Hold your head high when you leave and show her that you can live and enjoy life without her. After that, take your life one step at a time.

 

cheers.